Stretched, but not broken!

Today was sooooooo long. It all started at about 4am, when Micah came in to cuddle. Now, Micah had spent the previous evening throwing up, so I felt the need hug my poor boy anyway. However, because he is not feeling very well, he was really squirmy, and I didn't really rest after that. Then there was the getting ready and going to church. Micah stayed home with my mom and a barf bucket since breakfast didn't stay down.

Then Tony got a phone call from his sister, and I went to go pick her and her daughter up for church because somehow she go locked out of the car with her daughter's car seat in it. Then came Sunday School. This Sunday I wasn't teaching, so that was kinda a break.

Then I went in to help out with the toddlers during the service, and that's always fun. There were 6 kids all the twin's age (or around there pretty close). It was really cute when they all decided to play ring-around-the-rosy together (a morbid song, but they don't know that). I wished that I had a camera for that.

Afterwards, I went home and fed the kids lunch, left them with my mom and went running around to get stuff together for Becca's dance show that was this afternoon. She had to have her hair done in curls, and that doesn't happen without a lot of gel and hairspray, which I was running low on.

Becca had her dance show without me. I felt bad for not being there, but there was just no way to be there and do the things that I needed to do for that evening at church. Grammy went with her, though, and she got part of her performance on tape. Grammy didn't know how to use the video camera, though (not her fault, no one explained it to her, we just didn't have time this afternoon), and the recording got cut off in the middle. I have the dress rehearsal recorded, though, and we have a lot of pictures, so it's ok. I have to get everything downloaded so I can show off.

So, that's two places that, as the mom, I should have been. I know, I feel awful. So, instead of being there for my kids, I was at church because VBS parent night was tonight. I was the one who knew all the motions to the songs that the kids were singing, plus I had to puppet for the show. I was running around like crazy through the whole thing. Not to mention the setup that came before that. It was fun, but I feel bad about not being with my kids. My mom told me that Micah had felt better in the afternoon, and he kept down his lunch and dinner just fine. When I left, Ali was running a fever, but apparently after a good, long nap she was fine.

Becca came after her show(which started at 4...at least it was suposed to, and was supposed to go until 6, while our service starts at the church at 6:30...Becca was still later than that) and performed at church in the VBS thing, so that was nice, even if she had to wear her tu-tu.

My day was not supposed to be this stretched. It was going to be fine, but my son got sick. I would have still been busy, but it wouldn't have been as bad. I feel like a lousy parent right now, and I am thanking God for my family, who, while they may have rather been elsewhere, came to my rescue. My mom is awesome for dealing with vomit for me. My mother-in-law is awesome for sitting through some really bad dance performances and a really badly organized show to be there for my daughter (It really is a horrible thing to watch...and, of course, Becca was last on the program). My kids are awesome for dealing with stand-ins with flexibility that is amazing for their ages.

I am blessed.

On another note: I was driving home from church this evening and almost had a heart attack. I had a guy who was riding my tail through a residential neighborhood because I dared go the speed limit. I had Becca in the car with me. I was sure I was making him mad, because he kept swerving like he wanted to go around me. All of a sudden this little puppy came darting across the road, kinda far ahead of me, so I just slowed down further. I got up to the puppy, and apparently the guy behind me gave up and backed off because a little kid who looked to be about the twin's age came running out into the street after the puppy. I slammed on the brakes as fast as I could, but I got within a foot of this baby. I am so thankful that the guy behind me didn't hit me because the baby would have been hit if he had. I heard a scream from the house that the baby had come from, and a lady ran out and grabbed her kid. I got home and hugged my children. I held the twins even when they were squirming to get down. I just had to hold them.

After the stressful day of not being with my kids much, to have that kind of almost accident was a total nightmare. I just praise God that he kept anyone from being hurt.

So here I am. I feeling like a total bum for everything. I got so much praise for the work that I put into the performance at church, but it almost felt like slaps. Maybe I should have been with my boy who was sick. Maybe I should have been at Becca's dance show. I don't know if I should be called supermommie right now.

On the other hand, God was the one who laid it on my heart to do that job for VBS. He surrounded me with a family who could be there when I couldn't. Maybe I was supposed to be right where I was. God showed me that if I did that job, I would be there for my kids all week, and keep the stress level down for the most part in my family. Today was the exception, but even in the midst of my worry, God provided a way for things to happen smoothly.

So, should I feel bad? I don't know. I know I can't be everywhere at once. I know that I am there for my kids most of the time, and today was really an exception, not the rule. I'm conflicted, but my kids really didn't care. They had their grandmothers, and that was great for them. No one really suffered in my absence. But did I make the right choice? I don't know. Was that near miss of an accident a lesson? I don't know.

Psalm 25

Of David.

1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

Real Freedom

I have seen this video several times and in various places, and I just recently saw it again this morning. This is an excellent example of the difficult concept of freedom from sin.



It's so easy to get trapped in sin, and we can't get out alone. Christ has defeated sin, and He is the one who can free us. Sure, we can try to get over the things that trap us, and we may get out, but we are still trapped by one thing or another until we get the freedom in Jesus Christ.


"He [Jesus] went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." Luke 4:14-20

"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."" John 14:6

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." Galations 5:13

Vacation Bible School

This week is the one week a year that I really just don't have a husband. I see him every once in a while, he sleeps in the same bed (which is probably better than some people), but he really doesn't have time for anything else but work. Every year during the summer, we have Vacation Bible School at our church. I decided to reduce the stress this year by volunteering for something easy and fun during this time. I'm not in charge of anything, I am helping out with the music. It is really fun, and I enjoy not being in charge. I have tried saying that I'm not doing anything, and I ended up doing something big. This year, I think I found the spot where I will stay. All I have to do is get excited and have fun during the worship rally, and learn the motions to the songs and teach them (or at least assist in teaching them).

My mom is in charge of the preschool department, so my girls are all taken care of during the night. Micah has his regular buddy, so he's taken care of. I am free to help out when I'm not busy doing my job of having fun, and basically, that has been picking up people who need rides to and from the church. I had time to talk to my friend last night who is going through some rough stuff with her child and be there for her. I had time to talk to some of the teenagers who were in the middle of drama, and help out their teacher while she dealt with it. It was nice to be available to help others as opposed to being so busy that I couldn't do anything.

I would really like my husband back, but it definitely isn't as stressful as it has been in the past. Maybe it's the fact that we have been married for 8 years and this week has come every year, and I enam getting used to it. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not so busy myself, so I am able to relax and get through the week without being needy. Maybe it's just God giving me the much needed peace over the situation. I don't know, but it's Thursday, and this is the last day of VBS. We have family night on Sunday, so things it's not over yet, but that should really just be fun. Of course, it will also be pretty stressful for me because Becca's dance recital is that afternoon, and I won't be able to go to that (but I am sending my mom and a video camera). It is also going to be a long night because the cleanup is supposed to happen then, too. That's the problem with that night being the family night. I'm sure that Tony will get loads of feedback about that. I like the idea, though, even if it is going to be a rough night.

Just another update that has nothing to do with anything else: On Monday, Micah went to see his doctor about his recent behavior issues and possible absent seizures. I'm taking him in for an EEG in a couple of weeks to see what is going on in his brain, but his doctor is pretty sure that the behavior issues are connected to the seizure thing. He has been off seizure meds for over a year, and if the EEG isn't normal, he's likely to have to stay on them for the rest of his life. Bummer, but at least it's an explanation and treatable. If the EEG is normal (which isn't really expected), then Micah will probably need to go on different meds just simply for behavior issues. I hate that. I also know that it is probably necessary. He loses control of himself and just becomes really violent, and it is really starting to affect him at school and at home. He had always been very careful not to hurt his little sisters until recently. Now, if he loses control, they are a likely target (usually it's me first, though, fortunately). I hate putting him on drugs, but I hate hurting the girls even more. It's a really bad situation. Hopefully, the seizures will explain it all, and I won't feel so bad about putting him on those meds.

Well, that's what is going on with me. Here's a verse just because.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6