Sundays

This morning I woke up irritated that I didn't have a Sunday School class to teach anymore. That feeling didn't leave until this afternoon. I felt bad every time someone told me that they missed me up in the youth department, and it's only been a week since I stepped down as a SS teacher. This was my first week in a long time that I have gone to church on a Sunday morning and not really had anything to do besides focus on worship and caring for my family.

I went to an actual adult Sunday School class and we had a perfectly wonderful discussion that I couldn't tell you what it was about. Not that Brian isn't a great teacher, I was just preoccupied. I tried to focus, and I even answered some questions. I hope it wasn't that noticeable that I wasn't really in the room. I was across the hall with my boy, wondering how he was behaving. I was up in the youth wondering who was doing their lesson this week, and how my girls were doing. I was wondering if they were excited coming back from the Revolve tour this weekend, and if anything happened that was worth mentioning. I really wasn't in the room.

The advantages of no longer teaching SS are important. I am now better able to handle the parent issues that come up (because it's rare to actually spot Tony on a Sunday morning unless you are 6th grade or younger). I free up time throughout the week when I would have been studying my lesson. I am apparently nicer in the mornings because I don't really HAVE to be at the church on time (that was pointed out to me this morning).

The disadvantages are that I miss my girls. I miss hearing what is going on in their lives and all the things that go with that. I still spend time praying for them all the time because I love them so much. It really bums me out not to be around them. They are such a blessing, even the ones who tend to be negative all the time. I just love them. I still hang out on Wednesday nights with them, but that is a smaller group. I miss the rest who just can't be there.

So, here I am being the responsible parent, giving my kids priority over my other ministries, as they should be, and I'm bummed. Still, I feel like I was there for my kids more this morning. I didn't feel like I was blowing them off because I had to fit in everyone else. I don't know if my kids noticed, though. As torn as I am, I still feel like it was the right decision. It just didn't feel good this morning.

Another update:

Maybe it's just that he hasn't been on the meds for long enough or something, but Micah is kinda spacing out more. His focus is off all the time. It's weird. This kid usually does a few sections in Awana a night, sometimes being a little off, but he didn't really focus and do anything this time. I'm kinda having my doubts with these meds. He's just out of it all the time. Yesterday afternoon he actually asked for a nap. He didn't completely follow through with that thought, and I wish he had. He just seems tired and hungry all the time. I knew that these were side affects, but I didn't think I'd get a sleepy eating machine. Still, he isn't hitting anyone. I'll be talking with his doctor again as soon as she calls me back, so hopefully I will have an anwer soon about all that stuff.

Here's a comforting yet at times kinda irritating for control freaks verse:

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.