After Rehab

I came home last Wednesday in a wheelchair. Today I stood to make the twin's lunch and it wiped me out. I'm not exactly strong at the moment.

Well, I thought I'd share the lesson that I learned the hard way. Apparently I'm too hard-headed to learn things the easy way, so God has to get my attention the hard way. I have to paralyzed to learn that I can't be in control. I thought I'd learned that lesson. Remember? I totally blogged about it before. I still didn't get it.

Really. I don't have to be in control. I get it. Can I walk now?

It's not the easiest thing to parent from a wheelchair. Especially the two active almost-3-year-olds. I have to rely on others quite a bit. It's bugging me. I thought I got this lesson at the beginning, when I had to ask for help right after they were born. I started to get things pretty much under control, and I got my feet knocked out from under me.

Ok. I get it. Can I walk now?

The peace that I received while I was away from home and things had to happen without my help didn't come from me. I'm a control freak. You probably already know that about me if you read this blog much.

My house had to be re-arranged without my help or opinion. Things had to happen without me doing them. It wasn't fun for anyone in my family. Still, it didn't bother me that much. That's totally not me.

Yesterday, I had to get a babysitter so I could be at home by myself so I could figure out how to function at home. I really hadn't been home much since I had been out of the rehab, so I still didn't know how to do some stuff yet, and I knew I wouldn't figure it out with 4 kids surrounding me all day. So off to their cousin's house they went.

And then I woke up at the crack of dawn with a migraine. I hadn't had one in a while. It was horrible. By the time I was over it, my mom had come home from work at about 5pm. She asked me how much I got done, and I told her about the migraine. She mentioned that I didn't get a babysitter so that I could have a headache. I didn't exactly get the migraine on purpose. I didn't say that, though. Still, my mom walked away looking at me as though she read my mind. She does read minds, you know...well, my face probably said it all.

I got up and moved around that evening, thinking about how I was going to plan my day so that I could care for my kids. I'm supposed to be napping right now. That's the plan, anyway. Micah and Becca will be dropped off here by their grandpa in about 30 minutes.

So far, I'm figuring it out. How do I do this therapy stuff with 4 kids? How do I keep my kids out of stuff but still keep it within my reach? Child safety locks just don't work any more.

Still, there have been no major disasters, and while I have had to keep a closer watch today than normal, I'm not in total control, but everything is fine.

I get it already. Can I walk now?

By the way, I can walk. For about 75 feet at a time, using a walker (yes, it does make me feel really old), I can walk. I'm hoping to eventually graduate to a cane. I want to get a really cool looking cane. I don't really want to go out and use the walker. It's probably a vanity thing, but I just don't like it. I'd rather be in a wheelchair. It seems less...I don't know...old.

Here's a couple of passages of scripture that have meant a lot to me lately:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:13-16

Somewhere in the middle of those two passages is me. It seems at first glance that the two might contradict each other. If the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective, why wasn't Paul healed of his thorn in the flesh? God's answer is perfect.

"My grace is sufficient for you"