Devotional

My pastor asked me to write a devotional for our church as we go through our Pray First emphasis.  I have never done anything like this before, so I thought I'd blog it first while I figure out what I am doing.

Surrender - Turning to God

I juggle a lot of things in my life.  I'm a wife, a mother to four beautiful kids, a business woman, a community volunteer, and several other things.  I try to do all of those things while being a follower of Christ.  My schedule may seem chaotic, my house may rarely (if ever) perfect, and I rarely get to the gym.  Sometimes I'm juggling a few hats at once and I usually fail when there's too many things in the air.  My problem is usually that I'm using my hands to do the juggling, and I'm just not that coordinated.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.  I got the diagnosis after having gone blind in one eye for a while and still trying to function, then finally I was really slowed down by paralysis.  I had no use of my arms or legs.  In my hospital room I was changing the channel on the TV by blowing into a tube.  People had to come feed me.  For someone who felt so capable and used to caring for so many others, I felt helpless.  I couldn't believe God would allow me, who did so much for Him to no longer be able to do anything.

I was in the hospital for a few weeks.  I learned how to function while on the treatments to help me get back to "normal"...or as "normal" as I could get while having lesions on my brain.  While I was in the hospital, I had a lot of time to myself...something I wasn't used to in my house full of people.  I didn't want to pray because I was mad at God, but the Holy Spirit just wasn't letting go.  I had to surrender.  I was reminded of the fact that God had everything under control without my "help" every time my kids came to visit me.  I was reminded that He was in charge when kids from my Sunday School class came to pray for me.  God had all of my juggling balls up in the air without my hands!

It shouldn't have shocked me, but I felt slapped.  I began to pray for the use of my limbs again, but I wanted God to be the one to move them.  He is so much more coordinated than I am.  I wanted him to use me still, but allowing him to be the One who moved me. I had to give up the ability to use my hands and legs so that I would allow Him to use them.  He gave me back the use of my limbs, but I gave the use of my limbs to Him. 

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20).