Worn

I'm tired.  I'm worn out. I desperately need a break.

I sit here in the waiting room at speech therapy. I took my girls to my grandmother's so they could hang out with her. I just needed quiet.

Lately things with Micah have been one fight after another.  We can't get through a day without a meltdown. I know what is happening,  I see all the visible signs: hair growth in all those boy places, pimples,  and the horrible boy smell.

Now, I love teenagers.  They are beginning a difficult part of their lives and I just like being there to share it with them. That is why I work with them at church.

The problem is when you mix puberty with autism and ODD, you get a giant mess.  You think your life was difficult in middle school, imagine Micah's.  I totally sympathize with where he is coming from and it is just hard.

Still, it's hard to be his parent right now, too.

Monday evening he melted down so badly that there was an accident and he ended up under the wheel of a car for a moment. Talk about a total nightmare. We took him to the ER and I waited for news. After several hours they sent him home  saying he had only abrasions.

Wow. Amazing, right? God protected my boy.

Yesterday his elbow began to swell. This morning I had the follow up appointment. They missed something,  but nobody can figure out what. There's something wrong.

He now has a splint and has to see another doctor.

I told the doctor today that a splint would do no good, he won't keep it on, but they didn't want to cast him because of the swelling.  He has taken it off twice this afternoon. I am now the splint police.

Right after the doctor appointment that took all morning, we went to lunch at Wendy's. Micah loves it there. I went to order and sent the kids to a table like I normally do...but it didn't go well. When I came back Micah had his splinted arm around Zoe's neck and I had to rescue her.

Okay, no more alone time, even for a minute with his sisters.

I tried to calm him down while still following through with consequences,  but that wasn't happening at Wendy's. I finally ended up getting Becca to ask them for tops and things so I could get the whole thing to go while I held him down so he didn't hurt anyone else. One lady came up to me and said, "I applaud you, you are doing the right thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."  That was nice amidst the stares and mean looks from everyone else there.

I got Micah in the car by some miracle and he stayed and buckled in while screaming.  I think he has learned his lesson, at least for now, about car safety.

I took him home, put the girls in another room, and focused on calming Micah down. After about half an hour, he was finally calm enough to eat.

I let the girls out of their room and Zoe apologized for starting the fight with Micah. Apparently she wanted the same seat as he did. She said the seat was not worth all that.  I just felt bad for her. Nobody should have to have such extreme consequences for something like that.

The next thing I did was call my grandma to let the girls hang out with her instead of staying with us. They needed a break, too.

Next we are going to have dinner with a friend and then Tony is picking him up so I can go to class.

Ar this point I just don't understand why my MS isn't kicking in, except for the prayer that I know is happening for me right now.  The Lord is sustaining me.  It's good because I can't do this. I don't have the strength on my own for anything.  I just want to crawl in a hole for a while,  but I am fighting that urge so hard.