Embarrassing...

Yesterday I embarrassed myself in front of the church. Not that anyone did anything but tell me that they would pray for me, but I felt pretty awful.

In the middle of Sunday morning worship I had this overwhelming urge to get up and go fix something. Of course, Micah chose that day to sit in a different spot...right up front and center. Someone else was in "his spot" so he chose right up there for Mommy to have a issue. Still, it was right in front of one of his buddies (adult buddies, he doesn't really have any real kid friends at church), so I told him to sit still and asked my friend to watch out for him.

I was shaking. I couldn't sit still. I had this overwhelming urge to fix something, so I went out to the car to grab a change of pants for the twins just in case I didn't give them one in the nursery. There I saw a friend who told me I should go to the baby's room there where no one was around and relax in a rocking chair or something. I tried, but I couldn't sit. I began to panic about Micah, even though I knew that he was totally fine. I went back to the sanctuary, though I didn't go in at first because I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to get up and down. My sister-in-law was in the bathroom, and she told me that I was really red. I had a bit of a sunburn before, but this was really bad.

I finally sat down in a pew by Micah and my friend who had moved over to him just in case. She sat by me as I tried to calm down and get over whatever was happening. Micah was totally fine. I had absolutely no rational reason to panic. I kept telling myself this, and praying for God to just take over because my body was freaking out on me.

This was the weirdest experience. I'm a rational person normally. I don't like not having control over this stuff.

Now, I don't think anyone would have noticed my getting up in service if I had been in my regular spot. It would have been different for me to have to get up without Micah, but in the normal spot, I probably would have just taken him with me because the normal people who who sit around us that I can trust to watch him if I have to get up for something were not there.

At the end of the service the deacon's wives and several other ladies came to pray for me or just tell me that they were praying for me. Maybe that's why I was so noticeable that morning. Maybe God had it all planned out that way so that these people would be reminded to pray.

I don't know. I'm glad people are praying, but I a felt like I was getting too much attention while people were supposed to be worshiping. I just don't know what I could have done about it. I probably should have just followed my first instincts that morning and just stayed in bed.

Today I am jittery but numb. I have this weird thing going on where I go numb in wired spots like my knees...I am also having trouble sitting still, though that really isn't usually a problem since I have the twins to help me need to jump up all the time. Still, they have been really good today.

I got up to help get the older kids to school, then took Becca there and went to my in-law's house to watch my niece because for some unknown reason the internet is not working at my house. I didn't think I could handle that today. I'm going to have to go soon, though, to pick up my kids. Hopefully something magical will happen and make the internet work at my house this afternoon. If not, well...I don't think I'll be able to handle staying home.

Oh! This is something fun that I found. Enjoy!