Last night was a really long business meeting at our church. Two and a half hours. There was tension in the room. Micah felt it. After a while he went around and started hugging everyone who would let him...or who I would let him get to. We sat around a lot of people who love him, so it was fine.
It was really difficult to go through that meeting with a horrible headache. I wrote on facebook that I want a t-shirt that says "I survived a Southern Baptist church business meeting." I could probably add "with a headache at the beginning and not just the end."
The discussion was over something that everyone really needs to pray about and get feelings out of the way (not that there are any subjects that aren't like that). There are a lot of feelings about this subject, and understandably so. Still, we need God's direction, not just what we want. We need to seek His Will, not our own.
Personally, I am swayed one particular direction on this subject. I really want things to go my way. Still, I am open to the God's Will. He is the one who should make the decisions for the life of our church and for my family. All I need to do is listen and obey. That can be a difficult thing when I really want my way. It's hard not to pray that those who oppose my way of thinking will come to their senses and just do things the way I want them. Really, though, I want God's Will. I think that when it comes down to it, the others in the church really want His Will as well, they just struggle the same way that I do. They want to pray for people like me to come to our senses and do things their way.
In the end, God is still in control.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Journey into Little League
This morning started like any other Saturday during baseball season...except that Micah didn't have a game and so he was soooo upset.
Our schedule for Becca given to us (finally...it was a long wait...after the first game) by her coach said that she had a game at 11:30 this morning. Well, after a huge fight with Micah because he wanted to play today (he usually has games every Saturday at 9:30, but this week was spring break for his league). We finally convinced him to go to watch Becca's game (since Tony started umpiring this week so I had to have all the kids).We got to the park...no coach. Hmm...well, people run late sometimes, right? Well, other kids started to show up...still no coach. Two other teams showed up...wait, 2 teams? Finally, Becca's coach arrived. Just as the other two teams started playing. What is going on? The coach goes to find out. Apparently, he put the wrong time on the schedule. Her game was at 9...am...yeah, we missed it.
A whole bunch of crying kids later...
The coach decides that he doesn't feel like staying and that he has better things to do than cheer up these kids with a cool practice or something. He leaves. One of the other dads says that he is going to go practice with his kids, so he invites Becca and the other kids to go with them, so we end up doing that.
A whole bunch of very angry parents later...
Becca still goes home upset. We change out of her uniform and tell her we're going out for lunch. She ends up crying because she really wants to wear her flip-flops, but she can't find one. I finally cheer her up by asking her to choose what she wants for lunch. Costco for pizza it is. Yeah, my kid is odd, I like it like that. I like Costco for meals because Micah can have the hot dogs without a bun there, and I can have a really awesome turkey wrap, and I can feed everyone for under 20 bucks. Becca likes Costco because after we eat we go in for free samples.
Last year my Little League experience was good for Micah, and it still is for him. We travel something like 20 miles twice a week to get to the league where there is a Challenger League for him. That really doesn't bother me as much as traveling less than 5 miles for a really upset 5 year old. Micah learned to really like the game without the pressure of a regular league there. The lady that runs his league is really awesome. She knows the names and dxs over 40 kids...and their parents...I think she knows all the siblings' names, too. She is really awesome. She does everything that she can just to make the kids have fun and play baseball. Coach Kelly is why Micah loves baseball.
I don't think I could say the same for Becca. She wants to like the game because she thinks she should. I think she wants to play because Daddy likes baseball. Still, she enjoys herself. She is really social, and the experience has helped her get to know some girls who she probably wouldn't have hung around with otherwise. These girls are the ones who's life doesn't revolve around how their hair is done and what color suits their mood to wear that day. They just like to play baseball.
Becca isn't really any good, and I don't see her wanting to continue much longer, but she will finish the season. She wants to like it, but I think that might wear off with the lack of decent coaching. I'm hoping that the other dads on the team are serious about taking over. They are fed up with this coach. He said that he really doesn't have time for practices...why coach then? His daughter and niece are on the team, and they are really good (therefore to him practice is unnecessary), but they really have bad attitudes. They have totally snubbed Becca from the start. Becca was just too pink for them.
Honestly, the practices that Becca went to before the season started were really good, and she learned a lot. Her coach did a good job before the season started.... Yeah, I'm looking for something good to say about the guy. I don't mean to totally trash the guy, but for me, it's really been one disappointment after another.
Tony was umpiring today. That's another league, too...yep, that makes 3...it's a little nuts. Next year the plan is pretty simple. Tony is starting a Challenger Division in the League where he umpires. He probably won't have time to umpire, but we will be starting this league so that Micah can play there and so that many of the parents that travel as far as we do (or just don't let their kids participate because it is too far) won't have to. It's a really good ministry opportunity, and I hope it goes well.
We will also be moving Becca to that league. I guess Little League rules say that if a parent works 2 years in a certain league, his kids can go to that league instead of the one where they live. That will be good because Tony knows the people there, and we will do everything we can to get Becca on a team she will enjoy. I don't know if she will want to continue with baseball, but I'll bet her daddy will convince her to give it a try again. He won't force her or anything, but Becca would do anything for her daddy.
My mom made an observation today that I found interesting. Any of the activites that I researched for my kids, they have enjoyed...the ones that I was convinced to put them in, I was constantly frustrated with. Not that the activites themselves were bad, but my kids get stuck with unprepared or untrained or uninterested coaches or staff, and I get really irritated. It made me think. It is a solid pattern. I don't know. I do know that before the twins get involved with any activity, I will be researching first, and then deciding. Zoe really wants to dance, and I did have a good experience with Becca's dance class, a class that I researched and found at a decent price with a good teacher (it wasn't a great program, the performances were so-so, but the teacher was awesome, and Becca learned and had fun). I think if Zoe keeps asking, I'll end up taking her there.
The only reason that she wants to do it, though, is because Becca did it. Becca got tired of it, but I think she really just needed a break. She told me recently that she would like to go back. I'll think about it after baseball season. One activity at a time. Especially since I am going crazy trying to get through baseball season. Too many kids in too many different places. If everyone was in the same place, I might be able to coordinate it. As it is, I just don't think I can.
So that was my day. After lunch we came home because I was feeling awful and really needed to go to bed. My mom was around, and she saw that I was in pain and told me to go lay down. She had the kids this afternoon while I tried to make the pain go away. By the time I felt better, dinner was on the table, and everyone was happy. We ate, had a little fun playing, and now the girls are in bed. Micah is fighting betime right now, so I gave him his meds (which is supposed to get him drowsy), and I am waiting for Tony to get home or Micah to change his mind and sleep, whichever comes first.
Now he is amusing himself by reaching over and randomly pushing buttons on the keyboard and giggling. I think he wants attention. I'm tired oqf pressing delete1. Gotta 1 go.
Our schedule for Becca given to us (finally...it was a long wait...after the first game) by her coach said that she had a game at 11:30 this morning. Well, after a huge fight with Micah because he wanted to play today (he usually has games every Saturday at 9:30, but this week was spring break for his league). We finally convinced him to go to watch Becca's game (since Tony started umpiring this week so I had to have all the kids).We got to the park...no coach. Hmm...well, people run late sometimes, right? Well, other kids started to show up...still no coach. Two other teams showed up...wait, 2 teams? Finally, Becca's coach arrived. Just as the other two teams started playing. What is going on? The coach goes to find out. Apparently, he put the wrong time on the schedule. Her game was at 9...am...yeah, we missed it.
A whole bunch of crying kids later...
The coach decides that he doesn't feel like staying and that he has better things to do than cheer up these kids with a cool practice or something. He leaves. One of the other dads says that he is going to go practice with his kids, so he invites Becca and the other kids to go with them, so we end up doing that.
A whole bunch of very angry parents later...
Becca still goes home upset. We change out of her uniform and tell her we're going out for lunch. She ends up crying because she really wants to wear her flip-flops, but she can't find one. I finally cheer her up by asking her to choose what she wants for lunch. Costco for pizza it is. Yeah, my kid is odd, I like it like that. I like Costco for meals because Micah can have the hot dogs without a bun there, and I can have a really awesome turkey wrap, and I can feed everyone for under 20 bucks. Becca likes Costco because after we eat we go in for free samples.
Last year my Little League experience was good for Micah, and it still is for him. We travel something like 20 miles twice a week to get to the league where there is a Challenger League for him. That really doesn't bother me as much as traveling less than 5 miles for a really upset 5 year old. Micah learned to really like the game without the pressure of a regular league there. The lady that runs his league is really awesome. She knows the names and dxs over 40 kids...and their parents...I think she knows all the siblings' names, too. She is really awesome. She does everything that she can just to make the kids have fun and play baseball. Coach Kelly is why Micah loves baseball.
I don't think I could say the same for Becca. She wants to like the game because she thinks she should. I think she wants to play because Daddy likes baseball. Still, she enjoys herself. She is really social, and the experience has helped her get to know some girls who she probably wouldn't have hung around with otherwise. These girls are the ones who's life doesn't revolve around how their hair is done and what color suits their mood to wear that day. They just like to play baseball.
Becca isn't really any good, and I don't see her wanting to continue much longer, but she will finish the season. She wants to like it, but I think that might wear off with the lack of decent coaching. I'm hoping that the other dads on the team are serious about taking over. They are fed up with this coach. He said that he really doesn't have time for practices...why coach then? His daughter and niece are on the team, and they are really good (therefore to him practice is unnecessary), but they really have bad attitudes. They have totally snubbed Becca from the start. Becca was just too pink for them.
Honestly, the practices that Becca went to before the season started were really good, and she learned a lot. Her coach did a good job before the season started.... Yeah, I'm looking for something good to say about the guy. I don't mean to totally trash the guy, but for me, it's really been one disappointment after another.
Tony was umpiring today. That's another league, too...yep, that makes 3...it's a little nuts. Next year the plan is pretty simple. Tony is starting a Challenger Division in the League where he umpires. He probably won't have time to umpire, but we will be starting this league so that Micah can play there and so that many of the parents that travel as far as we do (or just don't let their kids participate because it is too far) won't have to. It's a really good ministry opportunity, and I hope it goes well.
We will also be moving Becca to that league. I guess Little League rules say that if a parent works 2 years in a certain league, his kids can go to that league instead of the one where they live. That will be good because Tony knows the people there, and we will do everything we can to get Becca on a team she will enjoy. I don't know if she will want to continue with baseball, but I'll bet her daddy will convince her to give it a try again. He won't force her or anything, but Becca would do anything for her daddy.
My mom made an observation today that I found interesting. Any of the activites that I researched for my kids, they have enjoyed...the ones that I was convinced to put them in, I was constantly frustrated with. Not that the activites themselves were bad, but my kids get stuck with unprepared or untrained or uninterested coaches or staff, and I get really irritated. It made me think. It is a solid pattern. I don't know. I do know that before the twins get involved with any activity, I will be researching first, and then deciding. Zoe really wants to dance, and I did have a good experience with Becca's dance class, a class that I researched and found at a decent price with a good teacher (it wasn't a great program, the performances were so-so, but the teacher was awesome, and Becca learned and had fun). I think if Zoe keeps asking, I'll end up taking her there.
The only reason that she wants to do it, though, is because Becca did it. Becca got tired of it, but I think she really just needed a break. She told me recently that she would like to go back. I'll think about it after baseball season. One activity at a time. Especially since I am going crazy trying to get through baseball season. Too many kids in too many different places. If everyone was in the same place, I might be able to coordinate it. As it is, I just don't think I can.
So that was my day. After lunch we came home because I was feeling awful and really needed to go to bed. My mom was around, and she saw that I was in pain and told me to go lay down. She had the kids this afternoon while I tried to make the pain go away. By the time I felt better, dinner was on the table, and everyone was happy. We ate, had a little fun playing, and now the girls are in bed. Micah is fighting betime right now, so I gave him his meds (which is supposed to get him drowsy), and I am waiting for Tony to get home or Micah to change his mind and sleep, whichever comes first.
Now he is amusing himself by reaching over and randomly pushing buttons on the keyboard and giggling. I think he wants attention. I'm tired oqf pressing delete1. Gotta 1 go.
Friday, March 27, 2009
A Doctor Visit
Today I went to see my primary physician for the first time since my eye thing started. She went over all of the tests done by the ophthalmologist, and is now sending me to a neurologist for more tests.
Exciting, huh?
Don't you wish you were me?
I do.
So, the tests that I am going to see the neurologist for is to see if I have MS. Apparently the ophthalmologist missed something small and possibly insignificant in my brain, but since I have obvious symptoms of something because of my vision thing, any little thing that shows up in my brain makes a difference. My doctor just wants to know why the vision thing is happening. So do I. I don't want MS to be the cause, though.
I haven't been getting what I want lately, though.
Scary, huh?
I know you don't really want to be me.
I don't either.
Days like this make me just want to know that God is still in control. I'm a little freaked out...can you tell? My doctor said not to go home and cry. Really, those were her words to me. We don't know what it is yet, so there isn't any point in crying over something that we are just testing for. If that I do that, then I'll be crying my eyes out for a while.
So I'm freaked out, but I'm not going to cry.
Really.
Not at all.
Ok, I already did.
Can you blame me?
"For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:18-21
Exciting, huh?
Don't you wish you were me?
I do.
So, the tests that I am going to see the neurologist for is to see if I have MS. Apparently the ophthalmologist missed something small and possibly insignificant in my brain, but since I have obvious symptoms of something because of my vision thing, any little thing that shows up in my brain makes a difference. My doctor just wants to know why the vision thing is happening. So do I. I don't want MS to be the cause, though.
I haven't been getting what I want lately, though.
Scary, huh?
I know you don't really want to be me.
I don't either.
Days like this make me just want to know that God is still in control. I'm a little freaked out...can you tell? My doctor said not to go home and cry. Really, those were her words to me. We don't know what it is yet, so there isn't any point in crying over something that we are just testing for. If that I do that, then I'll be crying my eyes out for a while.
So I'm freaked out, but I'm not going to cry.
Really.
Not at all.
Ok, I already did.
Can you blame me?
"For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:18-21
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Hair
This morning I got up to Cassidy coming over. She walked in the door, as usual with her hair flying everywhere. Normally I don't care, but this morning I decided that we just had to start the day doing hair.
The poor girl looked like I did. Just rolled out of bed and had clothes thrown on. Her daddy gets her up and ready in the mornings, and he really doesn't have a clue when it comes to girl's hair. Not that you can blame him, really, he's a guy.
So we worked out the tangles and Becca came to help design her a hairstyle. It's cute. Of course, the twins woke up and wanted their hair done, too. Becca started them off and I finished the job. It was a really cute assembly line kind of effect. I don't have any pictures except for the end because I was kinda busy, but here are the final 'dos. Ignore the quality of picture...they don't sit still well enough to get a good one sometimes.
Becca usually only wears her hair like that for baseball, so I was surprised when she wanted to have her hair done like that instead of like everyone else's. She picks her own hairstyle, I just try to do it.
If you know me at all, you know that this kind of thing really isn't something that I normally would enjoy. Styling hair is much to pink and girly. What can I say, my girls are rubbing off on me, I guess, but the hair thing this morning was fun. They didn't ask to do my hair, which I thought was odd because my girls usually ask when I do their hair. I don't mind, even if I do usually end up with a huge hairstyle like something out of the 80's, but I'm not planning on going anywhere today. Still, no one asked, so I have my normal get-it-out-of-the-way style.
So that has been my morning so far, have you had any fun yet?
The poor girl looked like I did. Just rolled out of bed and had clothes thrown on. Her daddy gets her up and ready in the mornings, and he really doesn't have a clue when it comes to girl's hair. Not that you can blame him, really, he's a guy.
So we worked out the tangles and Becca came to help design her a hairstyle. It's cute. Of course, the twins woke up and wanted their hair done, too. Becca started them off and I finished the job. It was a really cute assembly line kind of effect. I don't have any pictures except for the end because I was kinda busy, but here are the final 'dos. Ignore the quality of picture...they don't sit still well enough to get a good one sometimes.
Becca usually only wears her hair like that for baseball, so I was surprised when she wanted to have her hair done like that instead of like everyone else's. She picks her own hairstyle, I just try to do it. If you know me at all, you know that this kind of thing really isn't something that I normally would enjoy. Styling hair is much to pink and girly. What can I say, my girls are rubbing off on me, I guess, but the hair thing this morning was fun. They didn't ask to do my hair, which I thought was odd because my girls usually ask when I do their hair. I don't mind, even if I do usually end up with a huge hairstyle like something out of the 80's, but I'm not planning on going anywhere today. Still, no one asked, so I have my normal get-it-out-of-the-way style.
So that has been my morning so far, have you had any fun yet?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Half Blind...But Still Super!
Well, I am determined to not let the eye thing not get me down. Never mind that I can't even read what I am posting right now for fear of pain. Never mind that I can't relax and I'm only getting two nights of sleep a week. Never mind that I feel weird every time I drive my car. I'm not letting it get to me.
I am watching my son play that marble game thing on the Wii Fit. It's pretty cool. He's enjoying himself, even if he has to be reminded that he can't jump on the Wii fit board. Still, he's learning to move his body in slight ways to put that little ball into the hole.
On another note: for the last three years my son has been in a behavior therapy program every Tuesday night with the exception of holidays and short breaks. This Tuesday is going to be his last night. He probably won't miss it, but Becca will. They have a sibling program that she really enjoys. She also has a baseball game tomorrow night, so she is making a difficult decision about where she wants to go. I might just save her the horrible torture of figuring out what she wants to do, but I have to figure out how.
I'm still in a good mood after all of that. Why? God is working some things out in my life during some difficult circumstances. Probably through the circumstances for some of it. I still have no idea why the eye thing is happening.
I got really irritated yesterday when on the way to church we discovered that someone had ripped the driver's side mirror off my mom's car. Not that it really was my fault, but I felt pretty responsible since I was the one who parked her car on the street instead of her parking spot. I just couldn't see well enough on the right side to park her car where it usually goes, which is right up next to a brick wall on the right. I probably could have made it, but I don't trust myself that much, so I parked on the street. Anyway, some idiot came and knocked it off. Today I was searching the internet for instructions on how to fix it and replacement parts. My mom thinks that she should fix it herself. She's pretty handy, but I don't really want to see her taking apart her car door. I don't know if she will be able to put it all back together.
Well, that's what is going on. God is still good.
I am watching my son play that marble game thing on the Wii Fit. It's pretty cool. He's enjoying himself, even if he has to be reminded that he can't jump on the Wii fit board. Still, he's learning to move his body in slight ways to put that little ball into the hole.
On another note: for the last three years my son has been in a behavior therapy program every Tuesday night with the exception of holidays and short breaks. This Tuesday is going to be his last night. He probably won't miss it, but Becca will. They have a sibling program that she really enjoys. She also has a baseball game tomorrow night, so she is making a difficult decision about where she wants to go. I might just save her the horrible torture of figuring out what she wants to do, but I have to figure out how.
I'm still in a good mood after all of that. Why? God is working some things out in my life during some difficult circumstances. Probably through the circumstances for some of it. I still have no idea why the eye thing is happening.
I got really irritated yesterday when on the way to church we discovered that someone had ripped the driver's side mirror off my mom's car. Not that it really was my fault, but I felt pretty responsible since I was the one who parked her car on the street instead of her parking spot. I just couldn't see well enough on the right side to park her car where it usually goes, which is right up next to a brick wall on the right. I probably could have made it, but I don't trust myself that much, so I parked on the street. Anyway, some idiot came and knocked it off. Today I was searching the internet for instructions on how to fix it and replacement parts. My mom thinks that she should fix it herself. She's pretty handy, but I don't really want to see her taking apart her car door. I don't know if she will be able to put it all back together.
Well, that's what is going on. God is still good.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Happier on Drugs...it's legal!
Because of all the pain, I decided to take some better (prescription) medicine last night so that I could sleep. I don't like to do that because I sleep a lot harder and can't really do more than grunt if someone needs something in the middle of the night. My kids are just a little young, and the twins are terrible sleepers, so I'm just uncomfortable with doing that. Still, I decided to do it last night because I was just becoming a total shrew to my husband and yelling at my kids way too much because of my own lack of sleep.
It worked. I have clarity in my brain. I can think, my kids are less irritating (yeah, that's my fault) and my left eye works better because I didn't use it all night trying to get over the pain. It's not too tired to function properly at noon.
Thank God for drugs!
Now, I probably would be even better if it weren't for Ali coming in to my bed in the middle of the night (and like I said, I can't do more than grunt at her, so we just cuddled and she slept there), and then came Becca later (I have no idea how much later...the sun still wasn't up, though). Good thing Tony and I have a king sized bed. Still, I am refreshed.
Will I do it again tonight? Probably not. I think I'll just stick to once or twice a week, I don't want to get dependent on it to sleep.
Mama's happier, so the whole house is happier. It's not perfect, but I can't see that happening anytime soon. I'm just happy with a little rest.
It worked. I have clarity in my brain. I can think, my kids are less irritating (yeah, that's my fault) and my left eye works better because I didn't use it all night trying to get over the pain. It's not too tired to function properly at noon.
Thank God for drugs!
Now, I probably would be even better if it weren't for Ali coming in to my bed in the middle of the night (and like I said, I can't do more than grunt at her, so we just cuddled and she slept there), and then came Becca later (I have no idea how much later...the sun still wasn't up, though). Good thing Tony and I have a king sized bed. Still, I am refreshed.
Will I do it again tonight? Probably not. I think I'll just stick to once or twice a week, I don't want to get dependent on it to sleep.
Mama's happier, so the whole house is happier. It's not perfect, but I can't see that happening anytime soon. I'm just happy with a little rest.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Am I Unreasonable?
I probably am.
I'm fine with that.
My husband did his normal thing when approaching me with a night out with the guys schedule thing. He forwarded me the email where the guys are planning this night out. I don't really care. He can go out if there is nothing else happening.
My problem was with the thing that they are doing. They are going to see Watchmen then going to play their game (which totally blows my mind that they can do without feeling really silly...they play with little dollies) of Heroclix.
I don't care, they can play Heroclix to their heart's content. They do it all the time. I find it silly, but I'm not on that same geek level (not that there is anything wrong with being on that level. I happen to adore my geek, and his friends are fun and a great bunch of guys, even if I can't always follow the conversation when talking to them).
My problem is with the movie. I don't like it. The more that I ponder on watching this movie again, the more I find things wrong with it. Basically everything that I find bad in a movie is in this movie without moderation. Gratuitous sex scenes, nudity with no purpose except to disturb people like me, and extreme violence without the good taste to turn the camera and let the sound effects to their job. The story line is basically just disturbing. I knew it would be. I had heard enough about it to understand that when I went with my husband, I wouldn't like this movie. Yet I went because I knew that my husband really wanted to see it, and I like to do things that make him happy.
My problem isn't usually in watching these movies, it's in all the geeky analyzing them. I just can't fathom allowing my mind to dwell on this movie. I can't understand why anyone would want to, especially when the Bible clearly defines what we should allow our minds to dwell upon.
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Philippians 4:8
If you go and see a movie for entertainment, fine. Leave the bad stuff in the theater. If you just can't let it go, though, and your mind is on the plot or characters who are clearly sinful, then there is something wrong. If you have to go back and spent more money on analyzing this movie further, then there is something wrong. One could make the argument that going and seeing it the first time is wrong, but I'm not even going there.
So I'm being unreasonable. Show me where I'm wrong, though.
I'm fine with that.
My husband did his normal thing when approaching me with a night out with the guys schedule thing. He forwarded me the email where the guys are planning this night out. I don't really care. He can go out if there is nothing else happening.
My problem was with the thing that they are doing. They are going to see Watchmen then going to play their game (which totally blows my mind that they can do without feeling really silly...they play with little dollies) of Heroclix.
I don't care, they can play Heroclix to their heart's content. They do it all the time. I find it silly, but I'm not on that same geek level (not that there is anything wrong with being on that level. I happen to adore my geek, and his friends are fun and a great bunch of guys, even if I can't always follow the conversation when talking to them).
My problem is with the movie. I don't like it. The more that I ponder on watching this movie again, the more I find things wrong with it. Basically everything that I find bad in a movie is in this movie without moderation. Gratuitous sex scenes, nudity with no purpose except to disturb people like me, and extreme violence without the good taste to turn the camera and let the sound effects to their job. The story line is basically just disturbing. I knew it would be. I had heard enough about it to understand that when I went with my husband, I wouldn't like this movie. Yet I went because I knew that my husband really wanted to see it, and I like to do things that make him happy.
My problem isn't usually in watching these movies, it's in all the geeky analyzing them. I just can't fathom allowing my mind to dwell on this movie. I can't understand why anyone would want to, especially when the Bible clearly defines what we should allow our minds to dwell upon.
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Philippians 4:8
If you go and see a movie for entertainment, fine. Leave the bad stuff in the theater. If you just can't let it go, though, and your mind is on the plot or characters who are clearly sinful, then there is something wrong. If you have to go back and spent more money on analyzing this movie further, then there is something wrong. One could make the argument that going and seeing it the first time is wrong, but I'm not even going there.
So I'm being unreasonable. Show me where I'm wrong, though.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Stuff that has Happened, and Dreams.
I haven't blogged in a week and some stuff has happened.
Today my FIL was released from the hospital. They don't definitively know the source of the internal bleeding, but it has stopped. He is going to have surgery on his hernia, but that is outpatient surgery. Hopefully that was the reason for the bleeding, and after the surgery, hopefully he will be ok.
On Sunday morning my daughter and I visited a church in Moreno Valley. I was so blessed. I came back to my home church that evening and my close friends blessed me, too. I felt revived and ready to face the week. My husband was torn down the whole day. I am glad that God blessed me so that I could find the energy to lift up my husband. I could probably say a whole lot of bad stuff about what tore my husband down, and about what hurt me that day, but I'm choosing not to.
My eye hurts. I am in so much pain, and I can't sleep well at night. This does not make for a happy and productive Supermommie.
I recently put together something interesting. Before my thing with my eye started, I had a series of recurring dreams, all of which involved a car accident where some part of my right side was damaged. I remember once it was an arm that I lost, once it was a foot, and another time I was just paralyzed on the right side. These dreams had gone on for a couple of months, though not really regularly enough for me to put them together. Anyhow, I have not been dreaming lately and that had me thinking about the dreams that I had. I realized, remembering it all, that the dreams all related to each other.
Not that this makes any difference, but God has done some strange things in my dreams before, and the realization that the dreams all related to loss of something on my right side shows me that God really has a hand in all of this. I cried yesterday to my husband because of the pain and not being able to see. I remembered the dreams, and mentioned them to Tony. He gets a little weird about my dreams because of the things that have happened in the past with my dreams. Well, Tony and I agreed that God obviously was saying something to me in my dreams, whether it was warning me about my eye or something else, it was totally God.
I don't know if I have ever posted something about my dreams in the past that have come true (or at least some variation of my dreams, anyway). Well, my first experience with this that I can recall, was when I was pregnant with Becca. I dreamed about having twin girls, and for some reason, working with or for Carrie. It was an odd dream, and since Carrie is an office manager, and if anyone knows me, you would know that I would be horrible in an office or around paperwork of any kind, that really wasn't the point. In my dream I took my twin girls with me to work. Carrie and I had actually discussed it at the time, and we both agreed that it would never happen because of me and that work environment, plus having the girls with me would be totally unprofessional.
Anyway, I didn't have twins with Becca, but I did have twins later, and at the time, I was babysitting Cassidy all the time...basically working for my sister-in-law, Carrie. Kinda odd, huh?
Right after I realized I was pregnant with the twins (I didn't know that it was twins yet, though), I had a dream that I had twin girls. After my dream while pregnant with Becca, I didn't really make too much of it...until I found out that there were two girls in there. Creepy, huh?
That pregnancy I dreamed a lot. Mostly it was about the twins. I dreamed their names. Alethea Joelle and Zoe Dianne were in my dreams so much that I couldn't ignore it. I didn't even really like the name Zoe that much, and Dianne was not even anything that Tony and I had discussed before I talked about the dreams. I know, that was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but still, that's where they got their names.
That's why I sit up and take notice when I remember my dreams. Obviously while I am conscious, I am not listening well enough, so God gets to me while I'm sleeping...or something.
One more thing:
Happy St Patrick's day
Today my FIL was released from the hospital. They don't definitively know the source of the internal bleeding, but it has stopped. He is going to have surgery on his hernia, but that is outpatient surgery. Hopefully that was the reason for the bleeding, and after the surgery, hopefully he will be ok.
On Sunday morning my daughter and I visited a church in Moreno Valley. I was so blessed. I came back to my home church that evening and my close friends blessed me, too. I felt revived and ready to face the week. My husband was torn down the whole day. I am glad that God blessed me so that I could find the energy to lift up my husband. I could probably say a whole lot of bad stuff about what tore my husband down, and about what hurt me that day, but I'm choosing not to.
My eye hurts. I am in so much pain, and I can't sleep well at night. This does not make for a happy and productive Supermommie.
I recently put together something interesting. Before my thing with my eye started, I had a series of recurring dreams, all of which involved a car accident where some part of my right side was damaged. I remember once it was an arm that I lost, once it was a foot, and another time I was just paralyzed on the right side. These dreams had gone on for a couple of months, though not really regularly enough for me to put them together. Anyhow, I have not been dreaming lately and that had me thinking about the dreams that I had. I realized, remembering it all, that the dreams all related to each other.
Not that this makes any difference, but God has done some strange things in my dreams before, and the realization that the dreams all related to loss of something on my right side shows me that God really has a hand in all of this. I cried yesterday to my husband because of the pain and not being able to see. I remembered the dreams, and mentioned them to Tony. He gets a little weird about my dreams because of the things that have happened in the past with my dreams. Well, Tony and I agreed that God obviously was saying something to me in my dreams, whether it was warning me about my eye or something else, it was totally God.
I don't know if I have ever posted something about my dreams in the past that have come true (or at least some variation of my dreams, anyway). Well, my first experience with this that I can recall, was when I was pregnant with Becca. I dreamed about having twin girls, and for some reason, working with or for Carrie. It was an odd dream, and since Carrie is an office manager, and if anyone knows me, you would know that I would be horrible in an office or around paperwork of any kind, that really wasn't the point. In my dream I took my twin girls with me to work. Carrie and I had actually discussed it at the time, and we both agreed that it would never happen because of me and that work environment, plus having the girls with me would be totally unprofessional.
Anyway, I didn't have twins with Becca, but I did have twins later, and at the time, I was babysitting Cassidy all the time...basically working for my sister-in-law, Carrie. Kinda odd, huh?
Right after I realized I was pregnant with the twins (I didn't know that it was twins yet, though), I had a dream that I had twin girls. After my dream while pregnant with Becca, I didn't really make too much of it...until I found out that there were two girls in there. Creepy, huh?
That pregnancy I dreamed a lot. Mostly it was about the twins. I dreamed their names. Alethea Joelle and Zoe Dianne were in my dreams so much that I couldn't ignore it. I didn't even really like the name Zoe that much, and Dianne was not even anything that Tony and I had discussed before I talked about the dreams. I know, that was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but still, that's where they got their names.
That's why I sit up and take notice when I remember my dreams. Obviously while I am conscious, I am not listening well enough, so God gets to me while I'm sleeping...or something.
One more thing:
Happy St Patrick's day
Monday, March 9, 2009
Much Prayer
Today is still a sad day. As I was praying this morning I felt led to do something that I don't like. I'm still going to pray about it, but so far the rest of the day has been confirmation of what I feel led to do.
I feel horrible about it.
I have some talking to do. I have some actions to take. I don't like them.
Serving God isn't easy. The things that He calls us to are not always what we want to do. I am finding that God is asking me to do some hard things lately. I don't want to. I want to stay in my little comfort zone and continue with my life as is. How horrible would that be, though? I mean, if God wants me to do something, wouldn't I be worse off if I didn't do it?
So here I am. I am being broken. It's hard. I'm sad.
I feel horrible about it.
I have some talking to do. I have some actions to take. I don't like them.
Serving God isn't easy. The things that He calls us to are not always what we want to do. I am finding that God is asking me to do some hard things lately. I don't want to. I want to stay in my little comfort zone and continue with my life as is. How horrible would that be, though? I mean, if God wants me to do something, wouldn't I be worse off if I didn't do it?
So here I am. I am being broken. It's hard. I'm sad.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
So I had a BAD day...
It always makes me sad when my bad days are on Sundays. The fact that I go to church on Sundays should make my day better, right? I have the opportunity to worship God in so many ways on Sundays together with my church family.
Today I felt like the family member who everyone hopes doesn't come to Thanksgiving dinner.
Sad, huh? Honestly, there are probably good reasons why everything that happened today. I'm sure not every comment that I heard that felt negative was intended in that way. I felt attacked, though. I felt an attack on my family. The kind of attack that hurts the most because it came from people whom I love.
One of the reasons why I go to church is so that I can be built up by people who love me. The fellowship with other believers helps me make it through the rest of the week. I didn't feel that love from everyone today. There are people, however, in the course of my day who did build me up and help me. I felt their love every time I started to gather my kids up and go home. I didn't, by the way. I made it through the whole day. That is probably because of those encouraging few.
My church is not completely full of mean people. It just happens to be filled with sinners. As my husband pointed out earlier today, ministry would be easy if it weren't for the people.
Just a side note. I still can't see well out of my right eye. I'm mostly colorblind and things are all fuzzy. I drove home from church this afternoon and started to cry because I couldn't see to park my car in the driveway. It probably would have been an automatic thing if my mom's car hadn't been parked in what is usually my spot. I didn't want to hit the brick wall, though, so I stopped in the road and waited for my husband (who was right behind me) to come park my car. I cried. I hate to cry. I was so upset about the things that had happened at church that I just couldn't stop, though. I don't like not being able to see well.
So today I am down. Tomorrow will be better. I am determined.
for I am poor and needy.
Today I felt like the family member who everyone hopes doesn't come to Thanksgiving dinner.
Sad, huh? Honestly, there are probably good reasons why everything that happened today. I'm sure not every comment that I heard that felt negative was intended in that way. I felt attacked, though. I felt an attack on my family. The kind of attack that hurts the most because it came from people whom I love.
One of the reasons why I go to church is so that I can be built up by people who love me. The fellowship with other believers helps me make it through the rest of the week. I didn't feel that love from everyone today. There are people, however, in the course of my day who did build me up and help me. I felt their love every time I started to gather my kids up and go home. I didn't, by the way. I made it through the whole day. That is probably because of those encouraging few.
My church is not completely full of mean people. It just happens to be filled with sinners. As my husband pointed out earlier today, ministry would be easy if it weren't for the people.
Just a side note. I still can't see well out of my right eye. I'm mostly colorblind and things are all fuzzy. I drove home from church this afternoon and started to cry because I couldn't see to park my car in the driveway. It probably would have been an automatic thing if my mom's car hadn't been parked in what is usually my spot. I didn't want to hit the brick wall, though, so I stopped in the road and waited for my husband (who was right behind me) to come park my car. I cried. I hate to cry. I was so upset about the things that had happened at church that I just couldn't stop, though. I don't like not being able to see well.
So today I am down. Tomorrow will be better. I am determined.
Psalm 86
A prayer of David.
1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me,for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.
3 Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
4 Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.
5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
6 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.
17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.
Friday, March 6, 2009
My Eye!
On Wednesday I woke up and started reading, and suddenly everything doubled...and then went dark in my right eye. I waited for it to go away, thinking that I needed to clean out my eyes or something. Eye drops, time, and rest didn't make it go away. It lightened a bit, so I decided to go to the optometrist. I knew that I needed a new prescription to get new contacts anyway. So I went, and she couldn't really find anything wrong, so I left, thinking it would probably just go away.
Later that night, my sight went almost completely black. I went to urgent care. The first doctor didn't see anything, so he brought in an ophthalmologist. He took a look, and told me what he thought it was, and told me to come back to see him the next day, so that I could get more tests done.
Yesterday I went partially color blind in my right eye. Things are dark, and my vision is just not clear. Apparently these are all separate functions in the eye, and all of those parts inside my eye look fine. What is going on is behind the eye.
It is not a tumor.
I just thought I'd say that, it fits, and it's a good line from Kindergarten Cop. Anyway, one of the tests I had was to scan my brain to check for that, and MS. I don't have either of those. Basically what is going on is the wires that connect my eyeball to my brain are all swelled up. It has a really long name that I would totally mess up if I tried to type it out. Basically what is going to happen is that my vision might get worse in that eye, and then when the swelling goes down, I get to find out if there is any permanent damage.
I get a choice to take steroids to speed up the process or let it run it's course without speeding it up, but I'm told that decision won't affect the outcome. Whatever damage that is going to happen is going to happen no matter what I decide about the drugs. I don't know if I want to take them. I'm supposed to decide by the time the official results come back from the last of the tests. I get a phone call today. The difference is that the waiting to find out the whole thing will take 2-3 weeks or 2-3 months. I don't like waiting, but the drugs come with possible side affects.
This whole thing made me really upset. I don't like not being able to see well in one eye. Recently I took one of those survey things on facebook and the question was whether I would rather be blind or deaf. Totally an easy decision for me. I'd rather be deaf, I already know sign language, and I wouldn't have to listen to whining anymore. Blind is hard. The thing that relaxes me the most is photography. Can't do that blinded.
It bugs me that it's my right eye. It's the main eye I use in photography. It's dominant for me. I use it a lot. I know, everyone does, but it really bugs that I can't.
I'm winking at you right now. Mostly because it's easier just to close that eye than to try and see through the mess. It gives me a headache.
Still, it's only one eye. I still have my left one. Being totally blind would really be bad. My question would be, can I parent blind? Yeah, I'm Supermommie, but that would be really hard. It's hard enough with only one eye. It's hard enough with two eyes.
So I'm waiting again. Patience is something that God has been working on a lot in my life lately. I think it is requiring a lot of patience from Him teaching me patience. Still, the verse that continues running through my head is Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Later that night, my sight went almost completely black. I went to urgent care. The first doctor didn't see anything, so he brought in an ophthalmologist. He took a look, and told me what he thought it was, and told me to come back to see him the next day, so that I could get more tests done.
Yesterday I went partially color blind in my right eye. Things are dark, and my vision is just not clear. Apparently these are all separate functions in the eye, and all of those parts inside my eye look fine. What is going on is behind the eye.
It is not a tumor.
I just thought I'd say that, it fits, and it's a good line from Kindergarten Cop. Anyway, one of the tests I had was to scan my brain to check for that, and MS. I don't have either of those. Basically what is going on is the wires that connect my eyeball to my brain are all swelled up. It has a really long name that I would totally mess up if I tried to type it out. Basically what is going to happen is that my vision might get worse in that eye, and then when the swelling goes down, I get to find out if there is any permanent damage.
I get a choice to take steroids to speed up the process or let it run it's course without speeding it up, but I'm told that decision won't affect the outcome. Whatever damage that is going to happen is going to happen no matter what I decide about the drugs. I don't know if I want to take them. I'm supposed to decide by the time the official results come back from the last of the tests. I get a phone call today. The difference is that the waiting to find out the whole thing will take 2-3 weeks or 2-3 months. I don't like waiting, but the drugs come with possible side affects.
This whole thing made me really upset. I don't like not being able to see well in one eye. Recently I took one of those survey things on facebook and the question was whether I would rather be blind or deaf. Totally an easy decision for me. I'd rather be deaf, I already know sign language, and I wouldn't have to listen to whining anymore. Blind is hard. The thing that relaxes me the most is photography. Can't do that blinded.
It bugs me that it's my right eye. It's the main eye I use in photography. It's dominant for me. I use it a lot. I know, everyone does, but it really bugs that I can't.
I'm winking at you right now. Mostly because it's easier just to close that eye than to try and see through the mess. It gives me a headache.
Still, it's only one eye. I still have my left one. Being totally blind would really be bad. My question would be, can I parent blind? Yeah, I'm Supermommie, but that would be really hard. It's hard enough with only one eye. It's hard enough with two eyes.
So I'm waiting again. Patience is something that God has been working on a lot in my life lately. I think it is requiring a lot of patience from Him teaching me patience. Still, the verse that continues running through my head is Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
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