Today is my birthday.
Yay!
Today I turn 30. I know, this particular milestone bothers some people, but I'm actually excited about it. I figure that I should no longer be told things like, "you will understand when you are older" or "you're just a baby!"
Those things are condescending and basically rude, yet people still say them. I'm not in my 20's any more. I'm not a teenager. I haven't hit middle age, and I'm still pretty young, but I'm not a baby, either. I have experienced more in my life time than most 30 year-olds, so if everyone would just please give me a break! I look young, I am young, I will continue to be young for the rest of my life. I am not a child, so please, don't treat me like one.
Also, since I am on this subject, what is it about someone being young that makes people figure it's okay to be rude to them? If you expect children to learn manners, then please, teach by example! Don't look down on people just because they are young. Seriously, have you lived their life? Do you know what experiences they have had? There are many people out there who are a lot younger than I that have experienced things that I have not, and therefore I cannot do anything but respect them, especially on those subjects. Just because you have lived longer doesn't mean that you have experienced more.
Okay, I'll get off my soap box now.
Today I have heard "happy birthday" about a hundred times (Micah was a little obsessed this morning, plus many birthday wishes from friends), I visited the DMV to get my license renewed, had lunch with my mom, and now I'm about to go have some fun with my kiddos. I don't really have a plan, but I'm going to have fun. Turning 30 isn't a big deal, just like turning 18 and 21 really weren't, but I like my birthday. I plan on celebrating!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Choices
I have always given my kids choices. They are people with their own opinions, so I figure it's best to give them the opportunity to express those opinions. I tend to limit their choices, usually to two or three things, but they still get the chance to choose. The one thing that I pretty much give them free reign in is their clothes.
Let me clarify. Anything in their closets works as long as they are fully clothed and modest. Colors and style are their choice. The twins have almost all hand-me-downs, so they don't get to pick stuff out at the store much. Becca does, and Micah really doesn't care. Becca is pretty smart, and I can give her the amount that I am willing to spend, and she does pretty well in picking out things within the budget.
Ali and Zoe have been problems, though. Lately they have been taking everything out of their closet in order to find something that they want to wear. They are 3, not 13! On top of that, they want to change clothes 3 times a day.
Zoe is my princess. She wants to wear dresses at all times. Not just any dress, she wants to wear a dress that "twirls". It has to flow so that if she dances around, it will move with her. She has been known to shout, "princesses don't wear pants, they wear dresses!" and "I'm not a prince, I'm a princess!" when she doesn't get a dress that she likes.
Ali just wants to wear pink. It can be just about anything, as long as it's pink. It can be pants (most of the time, sometimes she just really wants to wear a dress and be a princess like Zoe), but it has to be pink, or at least have pink on it.
Well, after a huge mess first thing in the morning yesterday, I decided I had enough. I just don't want to deal with them taking out all their clothes anymore. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry without them making more work. I'd made them clean up their own mess in the past, and they didn't care. I'd taken away skirts, and that's really when Ali decided that she really didn't care if she had a skirt or dress or anything. I have laid out choices for them before even, and they got into their clothes after I go them dressed and they changed. Over and over they have done this, and I'm just done with the whole thing.
Yesterday I decided to go drastic. The twins no longer get their clothes in their room. I will make choices for them for the day and bring them to them. Maybe after a week or so I will bring them more than one thing to wear so that they get choices again, but they don't get the opportunity to change later.
So what do I do with their clothes? Right now they are in a couple of baskets in my room, but that has to change. I'm figuring that this is going to be a long term thing until my girls learn to keep their room clean and neat. I've already taken away all their toys and started to give some back a little at a time because they can't keep them cleaned up, but now it's the clothes.
My little tornadoes are going to be organized. They have been disasters all their lives and just relied on Becca to clean up after them...and for the most part Becca does it. Now Becca doesn't get the chance to help them out. Becca has tried to be an extra mommy to them all her life, and it's starting to stress her out. She does well to do her own chores and keep up with her school work...take care of the bunny, do her Awana work, Girl Scouts stuff...she's a busy girl. She has asked to help out with Micah sometimes, too. She likes to do homework with him, and it works to let them do it together so I let her. Still, she's a busy kid, and she wants to do more. She doesn't have to do the twins' stuff for them. Becca likes it when no one is in trouble, and the twins take advantage of that.
Ali and Zoe will not be disasters when they go to school. I have a little over a year before they start Kindergarten, and I'm getting them into shape before then. They are smart (poor kids are reading a little already...they are going to be so bored in Kindergarten), they just need to be more organized. I had to have that forced on me as an adult. I'd much rather have my kids learn it from the beginning.
I gotta say, this "no choices" thing is really hard for me. It just goes against how I parent. My kids get choices constantly. Well, not in everything. There are some things that are firm. Rules do exist in my house, and their choice to not follow the rules is not acceptable and they know that. Still, the idea of making lunch without asking my kids what they would like to eat is pretty foreign. I've found that my kids make pretty good choices when I ask them about stuff like that. They tend to ask for broccoli or carrots, and they fight for the opportunity to choose the vegetable that they want with dinner. Not that I'm taking away their choice in food, but the idea is there.
I know it won't hurt them to not choose their clothes for a while, but it goes against my mindset as a parent. Kids who make choices tend to know who they are. They are strong in their opinions and that helps them later in life. It makes parenting harder because their opinions don't always match the parents, but if we give them choices while teaching them right and wrong along the way, those kids can stand up for themselves when choices are more difficult as they grow into adults.
Let's see how this clothing thing goes. As long as I keep in mind that I am teaching them how to make right choices, I'll probably hold out. It's just never been this hard before.
Let me clarify. Anything in their closets works as long as they are fully clothed and modest. Colors and style are their choice. The twins have almost all hand-me-downs, so they don't get to pick stuff out at the store much. Becca does, and Micah really doesn't care. Becca is pretty smart, and I can give her the amount that I am willing to spend, and she does pretty well in picking out things within the budget.
Ali and Zoe have been problems, though. Lately they have been taking everything out of their closet in order to find something that they want to wear. They are 3, not 13! On top of that, they want to change clothes 3 times a day.
Zoe is my princess. She wants to wear dresses at all times. Not just any dress, she wants to wear a dress that "twirls". It has to flow so that if she dances around, it will move with her. She has been known to shout, "princesses don't wear pants, they wear dresses!" and "I'm not a prince, I'm a princess!" when she doesn't get a dress that she likes.
Ali just wants to wear pink. It can be just about anything, as long as it's pink. It can be pants (most of the time, sometimes she just really wants to wear a dress and be a princess like Zoe), but it has to be pink, or at least have pink on it.
Well, after a huge mess first thing in the morning yesterday, I decided I had enough. I just don't want to deal with them taking out all their clothes anymore. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry without them making more work. I'd made them clean up their own mess in the past, and they didn't care. I'd taken away skirts, and that's really when Ali decided that she really didn't care if she had a skirt or dress or anything. I have laid out choices for them before even, and they got into their clothes after I go them dressed and they changed. Over and over they have done this, and I'm just done with the whole thing.
Yesterday I decided to go drastic. The twins no longer get their clothes in their room. I will make choices for them for the day and bring them to them. Maybe after a week or so I will bring them more than one thing to wear so that they get choices again, but they don't get the opportunity to change later.
So what do I do with their clothes? Right now they are in a couple of baskets in my room, but that has to change. I'm figuring that this is going to be a long term thing until my girls learn to keep their room clean and neat. I've already taken away all their toys and started to give some back a little at a time because they can't keep them cleaned up, but now it's the clothes.
My little tornadoes are going to be organized. They have been disasters all their lives and just relied on Becca to clean up after them...and for the most part Becca does it. Now Becca doesn't get the chance to help them out. Becca has tried to be an extra mommy to them all her life, and it's starting to stress her out. She does well to do her own chores and keep up with her school work...take care of the bunny, do her Awana work, Girl Scouts stuff...she's a busy girl. She has asked to help out with Micah sometimes, too. She likes to do homework with him, and it works to let them do it together so I let her. Still, she's a busy kid, and she wants to do more. She doesn't have to do the twins' stuff for them. Becca likes it when no one is in trouble, and the twins take advantage of that.
Ali and Zoe will not be disasters when they go to school. I have a little over a year before they start Kindergarten, and I'm getting them into shape before then. They are smart (poor kids are reading a little already...they are going to be so bored in Kindergarten), they just need to be more organized. I had to have that forced on me as an adult. I'd much rather have my kids learn it from the beginning.
I gotta say, this "no choices" thing is really hard for me. It just goes against how I parent. My kids get choices constantly. Well, not in everything. There are some things that are firm. Rules do exist in my house, and their choice to not follow the rules is not acceptable and they know that. Still, the idea of making lunch without asking my kids what they would like to eat is pretty foreign. I've found that my kids make pretty good choices when I ask them about stuff like that. They tend to ask for broccoli or carrots, and they fight for the opportunity to choose the vegetable that they want with dinner. Not that I'm taking away their choice in food, but the idea is there.
I know it won't hurt them to not choose their clothes for a while, but it goes against my mindset as a parent. Kids who make choices tend to know who they are. They are strong in their opinions and that helps them later in life. It makes parenting harder because their opinions don't always match the parents, but if we give them choices while teaching them right and wrong along the way, those kids can stand up for themselves when choices are more difficult as they grow into adults.
Let's see how this clothing thing goes. As long as I keep in mind that I am teaching them how to make right choices, I'll probably hold out. It's just never been this hard before.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Autism Awareness Month and April Fool's Day
Today is the start of Autism Awareness Month. It's also April Fool's day...hmm...
Micah has autism. He was officially diagnosed April 4, 2004. Yeah, that's 4-4-04. It wasn't 4 in the afternoon or anything, though. Micah was 2 1/2 years old, and I was totally in love with him then, and love him all the more now that I have gotten to know him a little better. He is extremely intelligent, stubborn as the day is long, sweet, loving, and obnoxious as an 8 year old can be, and a total people-pleaser. It's a fascinating combination that makes him special. Micah loves math, hates clipboards, loves reading, hates explaining himself, loves Cars (the movie...though mostly just the characters...it's something that he collects), hates loud noises...the list goes on and on. He's pretty plain about what he likes and definitely plain about what he doesn't like.
If the world relied totally on verbal communication, Micah would be in trouble. Micah only relies on speaking as a last resort, making my life hard until I learned how he wanted to communicate. I felt like a total fool when I finally worked it out. That's where the April Fool's connection comes in. I often feel like a total fool when working with my son. He has this look on his face when I ask a totally obvious question (mostly asking just to make sure he understands and is paying attention) that makes me feel like an idiot. Micah and I communicate pretty well now, but it took a lot of learning on both ends.
I think that most of Micah's communication comes from his drawing. He fills notebook after notebook, any sketchbook that I let him have, and any scrap of paper with drawings. It was through his drawings that I found out that he has a relationship with Christ. It was through his drawings that I found out that he actually listens to his teachers even though they think he is totally ignoring them. It was through his drawings that I found out who he considers to be his "friends" and how he defines the word. His pictures are a huge part of him.
Micah also knows music. He can hear when someone is just a little off, and it really bugs him when someone is really off. There was a bit of hum at our church during the whole service on Sunday and it really bugged him even though most people didn't even hear it. He can also copy a tune, and it's always correct. I haven't figured out how to use this more than singing him songs that help him through his routine, but I'm sure that one day we will figure out how to let him shine through music (or more likely he will figure out how to do it himself).
Computer stuff comes easily to Micah as well. He has hakked into my computer since he was 3, and I generally have to physically keep him from it if I don't want him to "fix" things. He memorizes websites that he sees and tries to go to them whenever he is online. It makes me freak out and watch closely, but so far it hasn't gotten him into a lot of trouble.
Micah's favorite store is Stater Brothers. He likes grocery shopping a lot...as long as he can pick out some fresh fruit. He's not really a health nut, but he does like healthy food. His favorite place to eat out used to be Souplantation, but he's broadening his horizons a bit lately.
Micah is very much into maps. He loves to make plans for trips on whatever map that he has at the time. His trip to Michigan is totally planned out, he just needs his share of the money to go. I think he has just about every minute of a weekend vacation planned there. This can be totally annoying or totally mind-blowing, depending on how you look at it. When he gets this topic on his brain, he doesn't let it go, and that's really annoying sometimes. On the other hand, just the fact that he knows where he wants to fly into in Michigan, what hotel he wants to stay at, where a place is that will take him on an airplane tour of the Great Lakes, where he can rent a boat to go sailing...and just about everything else there is to know about the trip, it's really mind-blowing.
So that's my kid who happens to have autism. There. You are aware. Still, if you've met one person with autism, you've really just met one person with autism. It affects people in different ways, and judging someone based upon the word autism is just as bad as judging them by their skin color or where they live. Individuality makes a difference to Micah, and he busts out of any box that people try to put him in. He's really an awesome kid and a total blessing. If you judge him by a label, you really have been fooled.
Micah has autism. He was officially diagnosed April 4, 2004. Yeah, that's 4-4-04. It wasn't 4 in the afternoon or anything, though. Micah was 2 1/2 years old, and I was totally in love with him then, and love him all the more now that I have gotten to know him a little better. He is extremely intelligent, stubborn as the day is long, sweet, loving, and obnoxious as an 8 year old can be, and a total people-pleaser. It's a fascinating combination that makes him special. Micah loves math, hates clipboards, loves reading, hates explaining himself, loves Cars (the movie...though mostly just the characters...it's something that he collects), hates loud noises...the list goes on and on. He's pretty plain about what he likes and definitely plain about what he doesn't like.
If the world relied totally on verbal communication, Micah would be in trouble. Micah only relies on speaking as a last resort, making my life hard until I learned how he wanted to communicate. I felt like a total fool when I finally worked it out. That's where the April Fool's connection comes in. I often feel like a total fool when working with my son. He has this look on his face when I ask a totally obvious question (mostly asking just to make sure he understands and is paying attention) that makes me feel like an idiot. Micah and I communicate pretty well now, but it took a lot of learning on both ends.
I think that most of Micah's communication comes from his drawing. He fills notebook after notebook, any sketchbook that I let him have, and any scrap of paper with drawings. It was through his drawings that I found out that he has a relationship with Christ. It was through his drawings that I found out that he actually listens to his teachers even though they think he is totally ignoring them. It was through his drawings that I found out who he considers to be his "friends" and how he defines the word. His pictures are a huge part of him.
Micah also knows music. He can hear when someone is just a little off, and it really bugs him when someone is really off. There was a bit of hum at our church during the whole service on Sunday and it really bugged him even though most people didn't even hear it. He can also copy a tune, and it's always correct. I haven't figured out how to use this more than singing him songs that help him through his routine, but I'm sure that one day we will figure out how to let him shine through music (or more likely he will figure out how to do it himself).
Computer stuff comes easily to Micah as well. He has hakked into my computer since he was 3, and I generally have to physically keep him from it if I don't want him to "fix" things. He memorizes websites that he sees and tries to go to them whenever he is online. It makes me freak out and watch closely, but so far it hasn't gotten him into a lot of trouble.
Micah's favorite store is Stater Brothers. He likes grocery shopping a lot...as long as he can pick out some fresh fruit. He's not really a health nut, but he does like healthy food. His favorite place to eat out used to be Souplantation, but he's broadening his horizons a bit lately.
Micah is very much into maps. He loves to make plans for trips on whatever map that he has at the time. His trip to Michigan is totally planned out, he just needs his share of the money to go. I think he has just about every minute of a weekend vacation planned there. This can be totally annoying or totally mind-blowing, depending on how you look at it. When he gets this topic on his brain, he doesn't let it go, and that's really annoying sometimes. On the other hand, just the fact that he knows where he wants to fly into in Michigan, what hotel he wants to stay at, where a place is that will take him on an airplane tour of the Great Lakes, where he can rent a boat to go sailing...and just about everything else there is to know about the trip, it's really mind-blowing.
So that's my kid who happens to have autism. There. You are aware. Still, if you've met one person with autism, you've really just met one person with autism. It affects people in different ways, and judging someone based upon the word autism is just as bad as judging them by their skin color or where they live. Individuality makes a difference to Micah, and he busts out of any box that people try to put him in. He's really an awesome kid and a total blessing. If you judge him by a label, you really have been fooled.
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