The Stereotypical SAHM

This week I feel trapped in a stereotype. I spend 2 of my mornings a week volunteering in my Kindergarteners' classes at school. I did all the normal chores at home in attempt to make my house as presentable as possible. I did 4 parent/teacher conferences and 2 awards assemblies. I'm also sewing a Halloween costume, shopping clearance racks for Christmas toys (Did you know everyone is clearing out a bunch of toy to get ready for the holiday rush? I picked up a bunch of stocking stuffers for next to nothing.), took the kids to the pumpkin patch for fall pictures and pumpkins, took the kids to the library for their Fall Festival thing, and I'm also baking for a bake sale for soccer on Saturday and a cake walk on Monday. Then planning everyone's outfits and stuff for red ribbon week (crazy hair day is tomorrow and that is all the girls' favorite). Oh, and don't forget taking the boy to soccer tomorrow and of course his therapy sessions that happen every week...I think that's everything.

Did I miss anything for the stereotype?

I don't have any girls in ballet...yet. Becca is practicing the violin, though. I think I've hit just about everything.

There's nothing there that is particularly bad, I'm just feeling like the mom from some TV show. It's not really me. I really don't like to sew, but I'm just too cheap to go buy a sheep costume for Ali (Becca is going to be Little Bo Peep, Ali is her sheep...they decided to update the nursery rhyme, though, and Ali will be wearing a GPS tracker...even my kids refuse to be normal). I'm not a baker normally, but I'm not going to be around to help sell stuff on Saturday, so I'm guilt-ed into making something for the soccer bake sale. Parent/teacher conferences are just a fact of life, no getting around those without being an out-of-touch mom.

I've probably got an excuse for everything, and there's nothing wrong with being the stereotype, I'm just wishing for a chance to go to work out at the gym...of course that's another bit of the stereotype too.

I just don't like being "normal".

It's a weird thing to complain about, I guess. Kinda crazy. Someone pass me the happy pills, I've joined the blah mom club.

Running and stuff

I am an active person normally. I seem to have gotten out of that routine and it's starting to drive me crazy.

One of my goals in life is to do a triathlon. I love swimming, biking...and I'll do the running too. I know that one day I'm going to be able to do that kind of thing. I'd like to do it before MS has me in a wheelchair again or some other nonsense.

Today I went online to find a race. I thought about it and I really want to do it soon...like next year. There's a triathlon in San Bernardino in June. I think I want to go for it...but I have to be in shape. I can do it, right?

If you look at me, you would see how out of shape I am. I'm going to have to work hard to do this. It means trips to the gym all the time, it means running to pick up the kids...and anywhere else I can do it. It's going to be work.

My other goals in life I can do if I'm a quadriplegic, but this one not really something I want to do from a wheelchair. I say that as if I'm absolutely going to be paralyzed later in life, but I don't really know that. MS is a funny thing. You never know how hard or how long or how it's going to strike. You just go with the flow and hope your brain cooperates.

So. Here we go. I'm going to sign up for it in January if I commit myself to the rest of this year training and shaping up. If I can make it that far, I'll sign up for something small in January, then something small in February, and so on until June. June will be my big one. If I like it and am able to, I'll continue. If I don't, I won't. I still want to work on my goal.

After I'm done with this, I'll work on my husband letting me skydive...or maybe my novel...or something else.

I'm no good at this

Blogging every day is killing me. I can't do it.

First of all, it's really hard to do that when life is happening. Secondly, I'm not blogging about my life, I'm giving tips and researching and that's work...it's taking too much time...then I fall behind. If you have tried following Chaos Made Beautiful, I'm sorry. It's just crazy for me right now.

Monday I went to the doctor. I had this fun heart problem (because I needed something else wrong with me). I sat there while they made sure it wasn't immediately life threatening. It wasn't. Immediately. Anyhoo, the doctor is going to put me on a monitor for a while so they can find out what it is.

Hooray.

What else is going on? Micah's bus is having ridiculous issues again. The bus driver is telling me it's all my fault because I argued for a different route...but I know otherwise because I have spies. Apparently she's just throwing a fit because I won the battle. Now I'm going to have to strike again to win the war. I can't stand that lady;s attitude. She yells at me in front of the kids. I realize that I'm making her look bad, but if she would do her job correctly we wouldn't have this problem.

Other than that? I'm having financial issues (who isn't?).

No, I didn't have a panic attack. The doctor asked me if I thought that was what the heart thing was...I laughed. I said if I didn't have one at any other point in my life, it I wouldn't start having them now. If I was going to have a panic attack, it would have been when Micah's seizures were regular, or when he was diagnosed, or when the twins were babies, or when Tony was out of work, or any other crazy point in my roller coaster life. It wouldn't be on a Monday. I love Mondays.

Restraint

Today I wanted to take the head off of my daughter's substitute teacher.

It is only by the grace of God that this woman survived the day.

I have begun a habit of helping out in Ali's class on Mondays, and Zoe's class on Thursdays. Today Ali had a substitute. I hesitate to help when subs come in because they don't know routines, fail to follow directions left by teachers, and generally drive me nuts. Today Ali was so looking forward to me staying that I didn't leave after all.

Ali has a little boy in her class with autism. He's fairly high functioning and really smart. I've talked with him off and on when I visit the class. I really like the kid. He loves Inspector Gadget and likes to talk about him...a lot. I tell him I will listen to him at recess all the time. He's a good kid. Ali's teacher is great with him. He listens and redirects in an amazing way. There are days when this boy is difficult, but Ali's teacher has so much patience and understanding. The fit is perfect.

Enter Sub Lady.

I listened to her reassure parents who didn't need reassuring that their children would be okay with her. No biggie. She just didn't read adults very well. Not a necessity.

I watched her play right into the hands of the little girl who loves to run the classroom and praise her for all her help...constantly. To the point where this little girl was practically telling her what to do. I tried not to let it bother me since the class was still running well and the kids were still getting their work done.

The thing that really go to me was when she just continually picked on the little boy with autism. She would call on him every time to answer a question. She praised little and bugged him a lot. The thing is, he was having a really good day. He was on task most of the time, he wasn't disruptive and he followed directions really well. It was a great day for him...except for when Sub Lady kept picking on him. I wanted to tell her to leave him alone.

Recess came around and the kids usually sit and have a snack at the beginning. The little boy had a yogurt in his bag and spilled it on himself. No big deal.... I took him to the office so they could call his parents because he really spilled it everywhere. The thing that made me really angry was her comment as we left, "they really should send him clothes because you know those kids always have accidents."

I walked away. I couldn't say anything to her at all without taking her apart and we were on the playground with a bunch of kindergarteners listening. I was so angry.

Zoe's teacher was walking back from break then and took one look at me and said "uh oh. Is everything okay?" I was still so angry and there were still kids around so I just said "I really like Mr. (Ali's teacher)". I kept walking the boy to the office and left him in the hands of the wonderful understanding school nurse.

I walked back to the playground praying that she didn't say anything at all about the boy the rest of the day and that the mom just took him home. God heard my cry and answered. The boy was rescued.

I went through the rest of the day just trying to go with the flow. The little girl who really needed to be told that the teacher would tell the instructions still pretty much ruled the class. Ali just sat and did her work. She was a little tired and could tell that I wasn't a happy camper. Poor kid probably knew why I was angry too. I felt so bad.

I left hoping that Ali's teacher returns tomorrow. I just don't think I could stand to know that Sub Lady is going to be there tomorrow.

Seizures and MS

It's tough to be a parent.  It's tough to be a parent of a child with autism. It's tough to be a parent of a child with autism and a seizure disorder.  It's tough to be a parent of a child with autism and a seizure disorder when you have multiple sclerosis.

Now that it is well established that my life is tough, I'll stop whining. 

Today Micah had a seizure.  I was helping out in Ali's class today when I got a call from Micah's school saying that he isn't feeling well, he doesn't have a fever or anything but he isn't acting right. He was laying down a lot and complained of a headache.  I wasn't sure it wasn't just allergies going crazy, but I figured I'd take him home and give him some meds. I picked him up explaining that he could go home, but he would have to go to school the next day.  I started to drive home then remembered that I didn't have any children's tylenol at home so I stopped at Target on the way.  We picked up a few things and headed back to the car.  We got to the car, took him out of the cart he was riding in, and as I got him in the car, the seizure started.

Relax, I've been there before.  I hate it, but at least I know what to do...it has been a while, though.

So a little over a minute later the seizure stops, I buckle him in then head over to the hospital.  It's been too long to not have documentation and hopefully a reason for the seizure's return.

I got to the ER and the parking lot is crazy.  There's construction going on at the hospital and there's never a good place to park.  I convince the security guard to let me park somewhere pretty close because Micah doesn't look like he's going to be able to walk.  Carrying a 10 year old anywhere is crazy hard.

I get there and check him in and he's still not walking well.  They weigh him and I noticed that he had lost 5 lbs since I weighed him last...a lot for a skinny kid like him.  Micah is pretty out of it at this point.  Still not walking well.  At least they have wheel chairs. 

I was really surprised in the ER when they put in the IV. Micah never sits still for a shot. It usually takes 4 or 5 people to keep him down.  They hadn't successfully given him an IV since he was a baby...not for lack of trying.  This time he was as quiet and still as he could be.

Not my normal kid.

The ER doctor came and asked a ton of questions to make sure he understood what was happening (and also to make sure I knew what I was talking about when I told him that Micah had a seizure I'm sure).  He had a bunch of blood drawn and paged Micah's regular neurologist.  We waited. And waited. And waited.  Micah's neurologist didn't get back to the ER doctor at all. A few hours passed and Micah was visibly recovering.  You could tell that he wasn't feeling bad any more. 

Micah sick in the ER is one thing, but Micah feeling better and wanting to go home is another.  He kept randomly calling out to people passing by his bed telling them that he wanted to go home.  One time he heard that he can't go home with an IV in his arm...you can imagine what happened after that.  Keeping him safe from himself suddenly became my priority.  His nurse had a pretty good sense of humor about her irate 10 year old patient.  She kept telling him what she was waiting on. The doctor came by and Micah told him to "let me go home! I'm hungry and you have to let me go get a smoothie!" Over and over and over he repeated this so much that the guy who came in on a gurney stopped and asked the doctor if he could "just give the kid a smoothie!"

Micah came home with no answers.  I'm just supposed to follow up with his neurologist to see what he wants to do.

I want Micah better on his own.  I don't want to give him seizure meds. He's usually a zombie when he's on those.

I am wiped out. Bone tired in the most literal sense.  I feel exhaustion all the way to my core.  Not good for MS.  I hope my brain functions tomorrow. I have an IEP.