It's hard to be a parent of a teenager with autism.
That's an understatement.
This morning I took my son to his first period class almost 2 months into his 8th grade experience by literally carrying him on my shoulder. I put his backpack on my back and he kicked and screamed the entire way to class. All of this was because we were out of bananas and I wouldn't take him to go get one instead of taking him to school.
That's what my life is like lately. If I don't keep him to his routine, all hell breaks loose. I know his teacher didn't appreciate the fact that I didn't give her a calm, collected boy this morning. I still had to stand my ground and make him go to school even if he didn't have the banana. Why? Life isn't about the missing banana. Is he hungry? No. He had both (yes, first and second) breakfasts. I packed his elevensies. He wasn't starving. I refuse to feel like a failure as a mother because my son didn't get a stupid banana in the morning.
My son's morning routine is pretty simple. He wakes up as my girls are headed out the door. He has his first breakfast, which can vary greatly depending on what we have in the house, colors in his room for a few minutes, and then gets his second breakfast when his first alarm goes off. This breakfast is usually toast or a waffle as it is one of those "on the run" type things because the next alarm will be going off again in 5 minutes. At that alarm he changes clothes and brushes his teeth and washes his face. The next alarm goes off and he puts on deodorant and shoes (no, I have never been able to get him to put on his deodorant before putting on his shirt, but he wears it, so I won't complain). The next alarm he is putting together anything that he missed along the way or putting stuff in his backpack for the day, all to get in the car before the last alarm. He knows that if he does not get into the car before the last alarm, I will not stop at 7-11.
The drive to school is simple. We stop at 7-11 if he is on time and he purchases a juice and a banana. They have come to know Micah at the 7-11 on our route, so sometimes I just send him in with cash, and other times I walk in with him.
This morning Micah was having a rough time getting with the program and didn't get out the door before the last alarm. I just don't have the time to stop if he is late, so generally I get him out the door when he misses his last alarm by grabbing him a juice and a banana on the way out the door. It doesn't always work for him, but he will generally calm down quickly if I do this. Today I had no bananas.
The last time this happened, security had to come drag my boy to class. The big problem was that that day, the security guard told him that if he went with him, he would take him to 7-11. NEVER LIE TO MY SON! Today the security guards can come all they want, but Micah won't have it. They cannot be trusted in his eyes. Thanks newbie. You've now ruined this for everyone.
So, this morning I took my almost 13 year old boy over my shoulder, with his backpack on my back, and carried him to class. Sure he had to be calmed down and he wasn't going to have a good day after that, but giving in this time would make every time after that harder. How do I know this? I've done it for almost 13 years. I know my kid. He has to know that going to school isn't optional. The only way that I can show him that is to make sure that he is there every day. He has to know that being late for school because you don't have a banana isn't an option. Today I had to show him that by carrying him to class.
Am I unreasonable? Probably. I know that there are many people out there who would criticize my actions today. Oh, well. I didn't see another option that had consequences that I was willing to live with.
As I walked away I saw Micah and his aid come out of class and do some of his deep breathing techniques. He wasn't mad at her, he was mad at me. She at least isn't dumb enough to tell him that she will take him to 7-11. She may have promised him a banana, but honestly, I'm okay with that. If that fixes the problem, okay. Micah still has to comply with the rules every time or they are useless.
It's harder to deal with these meltdowns the older and bigger he gets. I know that picking him up and throwing him over my shoulder isn't always going to be an option, I've been told that since he was 4. Still, there are days like today when it's just necessary. I'm just thankful that I know how to prevent these things so that they don't happen every day like they used to. His morning routine fixed this. Routines help him make sense of the world. When things are the same, he is a much calmer guy. Still, life doesn't always stick to the routine.
Saturday I go to take a test so that I can become a substitute teacher. I'm scared. Not because of the test, I'm not worried about that in the least. It's the substitute thing. If I do this, the routine has to change. Micah will have to get up earlier in the morning. We will have to figure out a new routine that may possibly include a bus. This is unbelievably scary.
Still, I need this. I need the ability to make some money to pay for the education that I just finished. I need to get out and do something other than fight the battles with and for my kids. I love my kids and I love being at home for them. Being a full time mom is just hard. I need something a little easier. Yes, easier. I need easy once in a while. It's scary to let go, but I just have to.
Well, I'll stop now. I gotta get to the store and buy some more bananas.
