This was my Facebook status this morning:
Well,
I have failed to get my kids out the door on time today, failed to
remind my kid to bring her instrument so I didn't have to bring it to
her, failed to bring the right cards so I could get gas and groceries
while I was out to deliver the instrument, and even failed to order
correctly at Starbucks.
After blessing my mom with a cup of
unwanted coffee at work (she was happy about one of my failures), I
decided to return to my bed for a quick power nap so I could pretend
that my day was starting over (don't judge, it makes me feel better).
Gas, groceries, and kids. I can do this. Really.
I got the nap. As someone commented, I really needed it. This is the rest of the day so far.
I got up, went to get gas, and someone tried to steal my wallet while I was pumping. It was only my quick reaction time (which I wouldn't have had without the nap) that kept me from losing my wallet. I grabbed the guy's hand and he dropped the wallet and ran. I didn't go after him, I just didn't care because I had my wallet still anyway.
I went to Walmart to get groceries so I could be on time to pick up the girls, got my things, and thought I was going to be early when I saw the lines...that didn't happen. Two lines were open, then they kept opening the 20 items or less lanes and couldn't figure out why the lines were still long...duh, the people in line had a lot of items. I didn't start yelling like the man in front of me because I had the nap and was totally thankful at that moment that I had the money to pay for the stuff because my wallet wasn't stolen. When the lady finally came to open a regular line (after they opened 6 of the 20 items or less lanes), the man in front of me who was yelling had already put a couple of things up and she took me first, making me able to get out of there just in time to hit the traffic for the school parking lot, but I was okay.
I got to the parking lot and of course, there were several people double parked even though there were a few legal parking spaces available...I just couldn't get to them because of those who were double parked. One lady decided that she needed to get in front of me really bad because I was unreasonably stopping for the kid crossing in the crosswalk that she couldn't see from her position. She scraped my car on the way by, the parent next to the kid grabbed her out of the way as this crazy woman zipped out of the parking lot. I did not ram into her car like I wanted to because I had my nap and I was just thankful that everyone was okay...except for a little scrape on my car. With a prayer of thanks and a request that her car looked way worse than mine, I parked my car and walked away.
I walked into my girl's school to meet them at our usual spot when Zoe's teacher stopped me to complain that Zoe didn't have one of the 500 pieces of homework that she sent home signed (okay, maybe not 500, but it seems like that) and she had to change her color card. My daughter is pretty sure that she is a rotten kid because of this stupid rule in that class...so I decided to have Zoe take out her homework even though it wasn't done yet and I took out a pen and signed every piece. I did not yell at the teacher for breaking my daughter's spirit over a rule that makes no sense at all. I simply signed everything before it was done, though Zoe kept telling me that I'm supposed to sign it after. You see, she's a rule follower, not defiant as the color card system is supposed to try to prevent. I signed the rest of her calendar for the month because it is supposed to be signed every month as well. I'm pretty sure she will say something to me about it later, but hopefully I will be on a better day.
I didn't yell at her because I had that nap.
The day is not over yet, but I'm still thankful even when the stuff around me looks bad. All because of one 20 minute nap.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Ali and the Squirrels Part 2
So it's official. My kid has ADD. I knew that. I just have a paper to prove it now.
It's kind of anti-climactic, but not really. The actual diagnosis has a finality to it that makes me want to crawl up into a little ball, but then bust out and start fighting. It's a weird feeling.
The doctor discussed medications with me, but I'm not ready to go there with Ali yet. It took me a really long time to get there with Micah, and Ali is just so...I don't know, young? Sweet? She's just Ali. I hate the idea of changing her, I just want to know how to adapt so that she can function better.
I've done a few things with her to help her think out why she is doing some things. I'm hoping that she will be able to eventually catch on and adapt on her own, but right now logic isn't exactly her strong suit. She's only 7. Still, she is catching on a bit. I am trying to figure out where the worst problems are so I can try to modify them so she functions better.
I think the main difference at this point will be school. I am debating getting things started for a 504 so she can have accommodations at school when necessary. I'm debating because she can actually pull of decent grades, but just not up to what she is capable of. I know she is capable of more and so do her teachers, we are just having trouble coaxing it out of her. I don't like it really being on her school record, but at the same time, she is capable of more and I can't get it out of her if she doesn't have accommodations. So what will affect her more? I just don't know.
So I'm praying. I don't know what to do yet, so I'm praying over it for a while without doing anything. I don't want to move without direction.
Once again, waiting.
It's kind of anti-climactic, but not really. The actual diagnosis has a finality to it that makes me want to crawl up into a little ball, but then bust out and start fighting. It's a weird feeling.
The doctor discussed medications with me, but I'm not ready to go there with Ali yet. It took me a really long time to get there with Micah, and Ali is just so...I don't know, young? Sweet? She's just Ali. I hate the idea of changing her, I just want to know how to adapt so that she can function better.
I've done a few things with her to help her think out why she is doing some things. I'm hoping that she will be able to eventually catch on and adapt on her own, but right now logic isn't exactly her strong suit. She's only 7. Still, she is catching on a bit. I am trying to figure out where the worst problems are so I can try to modify them so she functions better.
I think the main difference at this point will be school. I am debating getting things started for a 504 so she can have accommodations at school when necessary. I'm debating because she can actually pull of decent grades, but just not up to what she is capable of. I know she is capable of more and so do her teachers, we are just having trouble coaxing it out of her. I don't like it really being on her school record, but at the same time, she is capable of more and I can't get it out of her if she doesn't have accommodations. So what will affect her more? I just don't know.
So I'm praying. I don't know what to do yet, so I'm praying over it for a while without doing anything. I don't want to move without direction.
Once again, waiting.
Ali and Squirrels
This morning Ali and I are headed back to the developmental pediatrician. We haven't had a formal diagnosis yet, but in the year since we started seeing the developmental pediatrician, we have seen the symptoms increase. She told me that she technically saw enough symptoms to diagnose her a year ago, but she wanted to wait to see if it was personality or immaturity first.
I fully expect a diagnosis by the end of the day. Ali has ADD.
This isn't the end of the world. We've had tougher diagnosis in our house before. Still, this is my baby. She's a wonderful child who has trouble focusing and is easily distracted. She is having trouble at school. Not because of lack of understanding, but because she can't concentrate and skips problems or only reads part of the instructions. She's either the first one done or the last, and she's only last because something shiny caught her attention and she didn't remember what she is supposed to be doing.
She doesn't have the H or impulsivity that often come with ADD. I honestly think that has a lot to do with the fact that our diet is usually better than others. Since I have one kid who needs a special diet already, we generally eat pretty healthy as a family. I am just not as strict with the girls as I am with Micah.
Ali is such a smart kid. That's why she hasn't had grade problems in the past. She just usually relies on the fact that she understands quickly to get her through. Unfortunately she tends to skip instructions thinking that she already knows what to do so she can be done faster.
She is happy this morning because she finally lost the tooth that she has been shaking for a while. Zoe lost hers a while ago and the adult tooth already came in. Ali has been disappointed waiting, but now she is excited.
It's time to go face the music. Let's go Monday!
I fully expect a diagnosis by the end of the day. Ali has ADD.
This isn't the end of the world. We've had tougher diagnosis in our house before. Still, this is my baby. She's a wonderful child who has trouble focusing and is easily distracted. She is having trouble at school. Not because of lack of understanding, but because she can't concentrate and skips problems or only reads part of the instructions. She's either the first one done or the last, and she's only last because something shiny caught her attention and she didn't remember what she is supposed to be doing.
She doesn't have the H or impulsivity that often come with ADD. I honestly think that has a lot to do with the fact that our diet is usually better than others. Since I have one kid who needs a special diet already, we generally eat pretty healthy as a family. I am just not as strict with the girls as I am with Micah.
Ali is such a smart kid. That's why she hasn't had grade problems in the past. She just usually relies on the fact that she understands quickly to get her through. Unfortunately she tends to skip instructions thinking that she already knows what to do so she can be done faster.
It's time to go face the music. Let's go Monday!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Fantasy Football
I don't like football. I am proud to say that I have never actually watched a football game all the way through. I've never played a full game of it. I tried and just got bored.
All that being said, I play fantasy football with my husband's family every year. I don't know how many years ago I started it, but it's been quite a few. I won the first year, but I don't remember winning ever since...I may have, I just don't remember.
That's the thing, I don't really care. It basically gives me something to talk with them about during football season when football a huge focus in that house. I could probably ignore it and be fine, but I decided to just join in the craziness.
For the last few years my kids have gone back and forth between wanting their own fantasy football teams to play with the family and hating football and complaining whenever their dad have it on. Micah tried to play last year in the league, but due to technical difficulties, it just didn't work out. The family decided that kids just shouldn't play in that league, so I suggested a kid's league, so the kids could feel like they are a part and play with their cousins, but they didn't have to mess up anyone else when issues come up or they just don't want to do it right then.
Fortunately I will be able to help out my kids when they want me to with their teams. I still don't know what all the numbers are, but I can still pretty much tell them who should be on the bench and who should play. There was an automatic draft, so that was nice.
Overall, the whole thing was to keep peace in the house, and make something that won't go away (football) into something that the family can talk about. It's just one little thing that their Dad likes that the kids will at least tolerate.
All that being said, I play fantasy football with my husband's family every year. I don't know how many years ago I started it, but it's been quite a few. I won the first year, but I don't remember winning ever since...I may have, I just don't remember.
That's the thing, I don't really care. It basically gives me something to talk with them about during football season when football a huge focus in that house. I could probably ignore it and be fine, but I decided to just join in the craziness.
For the last few years my kids have gone back and forth between wanting their own fantasy football teams to play with the family and hating football and complaining whenever their dad have it on. Micah tried to play last year in the league, but due to technical difficulties, it just didn't work out. The family decided that kids just shouldn't play in that league, so I suggested a kid's league, so the kids could feel like they are a part and play with their cousins, but they didn't have to mess up anyone else when issues come up or they just don't want to do it right then.
Fortunately I will be able to help out my kids when they want me to with their teams. I still don't know what all the numbers are, but I can still pretty much tell them who should be on the bench and who should play. There was an automatic draft, so that was nice.
Overall, the whole thing was to keep peace in the house, and make something that won't go away (football) into something that the family can talk about. It's just one little thing that their Dad likes that the kids will at least tolerate.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
My Kids are Going Crazy
I'm seriously frustrated as a parent right now.
The school year has begun for my kids. They always start right around the first of August in their school district. Since Micah has moved up to middle school, his schedule is now different from the girls'. He started last Thursday.
I decided that the twins would no longer be in the same class. We have a tendency to have constant fighting at the end of the year, and tattling is a constant. My girls are incredibly honest about what they do wrong, telling me with great detail if they have even the slightest infraction, so I'm really not seeing how tattlers would ever be an advantage. There are two excellent teachers in their grade at school, including one I have known for 10 years. I totally trust both of these teachers. All that being said, my girls just aren't thriving in their classes at all. They aren't behaving horribly by any stretch of the imagination, but they aren't acting like themselves. It's weird.
Ali is having trouble keeping up in class. She is acting like she doesn't understand concepts that she can explain to me at home when I ask about them in a round-about way. I don't quiz her or anything, but more than and less than are easy to talk about while cooking. Zoe is having trouble with her work, too. It's like neither of them have any focus while in class. Zoe is usually my hard worker and isn't completing her work. I just don't know what's wrong.
Becca is doing okay, I think. She hasn't had any issues this year yet that I know of, and she has told me quite a bit. I honestly don't think that she is suffering, but she's a bit more flexible than the rest of the kids.
Micah wasn't having trouble until today. We had a nightmare in the parking lot this morning. I don't want to rehash everything again in my brain (I just don't want to start crying again), so I'll just copy and paste my Facebook status:
I know it's only the first/second week of school, but this has never been an issue this early in the year before. I don't know what to do to make it better. I just want to know what's wrong and fix it so I can have my kids back.
The school year has begun for my kids. They always start right around the first of August in their school district. Since Micah has moved up to middle school, his schedule is now different from the girls'. He started last Thursday.
I decided that the twins would no longer be in the same class. We have a tendency to have constant fighting at the end of the year, and tattling is a constant. My girls are incredibly honest about what they do wrong, telling me with great detail if they have even the slightest infraction, so I'm really not seeing how tattlers would ever be an advantage. There are two excellent teachers in their grade at school, including one I have known for 10 years. I totally trust both of these teachers. All that being said, my girls just aren't thriving in their classes at all. They aren't behaving horribly by any stretch of the imagination, but they aren't acting like themselves. It's weird.
Ali is having trouble keeping up in class. She is acting like she doesn't understand concepts that she can explain to me at home when I ask about them in a round-about way. I don't quiz her or anything, but more than and less than are easy to talk about while cooking. Zoe is having trouble with her work, too. It's like neither of them have any focus while in class. Zoe is usually my hard worker and isn't completing her work. I just don't know what's wrong.
Becca is doing okay, I think. She hasn't had any issues this year yet that I know of, and she has told me quite a bit. I honestly don't think that she is suffering, but she's a bit more flexible than the rest of the kids.
Micah wasn't having trouble until today. We had a nightmare in the parking lot this morning. I don't want to rehash everything again in my brain (I just don't want to start crying again), so I'll just copy and paste my Facebook status:
I just don't know what to do. Something is wrong with my kids. Are they stressed? Are they sick? What's up? Did school start too early? Is the routine all wrong? What do I change? Should I try to put the twins back in the same classes? Should we work something different out with Tony doing different things in the mornings? Do they just need more Daddy time? Do I need to be more present at school or more attentive at home?
I know it's only the first/second week of school, but this has never been an issue this early in the year before. I don't know what to do to make it better. I just want to know what's wrong and fix it so I can have my kids back.
Monday, July 29, 2013
I Started Making Plans Again....
This weekend I made a difficult decision. I have decided that instead of making my life and the lives of my children miserable by pushing through to graduate in December, I will go ahead and stretch this thing out to the Spring.
I really hated doing it, but the whole decision is based on the plan thing.
Every time I throw my plans in the mix with God's, something goes wrong. I knew God wanted me to go back to school and graduate, but He didn't give me a timeline. I gave myself a timeline.
Big mistake.
This summer I had to take 4 classes while my kids are out of school. I ended up with one class finished, one class with a Satisfactory Progress (basically giving me time to finish observations later) and one class withdrawn, and the other class I can hopefully get caught up in since I don't have to worry about the other one anymore. It was a seriously bad idea to try to push through these classes this summer.
Between going to camp with Micah, Tony's umpire schedule, the kids being home ALL THE TIME and me trying to keep my MS under control, this whole summer has been a disaster. When I finish, I hope my GPA isn't terrible.
I kept telling myself that I had to do this because graduation was so important in December. I wanted to finish by the end of the year so I could go on to the next step as soon as possible. I begged God to tell me what the next step was since graduation was so close. I had my plans in place and told God that I needed Him to fall in line with me again.
Well, we all know how that works out.
When I made the decision to withdraw from the course this summer, I knew that meant that I would have to wait to graduate. I hated doing it, but I also didn't want to just fail because of a class that I knew so much about the subject matter. It was a basic computer course. I'm pretty sure Becca could pass that class. It wasn't the difficulty, it was the time. I just didn't have it.
The thing is, as soon as I made this decision to just withdraw and take the W, positive things started to fall into place. My schedule for the fall semester now looks far more manageable. I still have the financial aid coming in that I've already accepted, but instead of having a small balance that we had no idea how it was going to fit into the budget, we now have enough to help out with some bills that we didn't know how they were going to get paid.
Spring looks promising. I only have a couple of classes that I moved over there. They will be simple to do one at a time and I can just get everything done without stress. That will be nice. I am sure my GPA will look better at the end now (not that it actually matters to anyone but me, but I'm happy about this).
I don't like this decision, but I have this peace knowing that it will be best. My plans stunk. God took over.
Story of my life.
I really hated doing it, but the whole decision is based on the plan thing.
Every time I throw my plans in the mix with God's, something goes wrong. I knew God wanted me to go back to school and graduate, but He didn't give me a timeline. I gave myself a timeline.
Big mistake.
This summer I had to take 4 classes while my kids are out of school. I ended up with one class finished, one class with a Satisfactory Progress (basically giving me time to finish observations later) and one class withdrawn, and the other class I can hopefully get caught up in since I don't have to worry about the other one anymore. It was a seriously bad idea to try to push through these classes this summer.
Between going to camp with Micah, Tony's umpire schedule, the kids being home ALL THE TIME and me trying to keep my MS under control, this whole summer has been a disaster. When I finish, I hope my GPA isn't terrible.
I kept telling myself that I had to do this because graduation was so important in December. I wanted to finish by the end of the year so I could go on to the next step as soon as possible. I begged God to tell me what the next step was since graduation was so close. I had my plans in place and told God that I needed Him to fall in line with me again.
Well, we all know how that works out.
When I made the decision to withdraw from the course this summer, I knew that meant that I would have to wait to graduate. I hated doing it, but I also didn't want to just fail because of a class that I knew so much about the subject matter. It was a basic computer course. I'm pretty sure Becca could pass that class. It wasn't the difficulty, it was the time. I just didn't have it.
The thing is, as soon as I made this decision to just withdraw and take the W, positive things started to fall into place. My schedule for the fall semester now looks far more manageable. I still have the financial aid coming in that I've already accepted, but instead of having a small balance that we had no idea how it was going to fit into the budget, we now have enough to help out with some bills that we didn't know how they were going to get paid.
Spring looks promising. I only have a couple of classes that I moved over there. They will be simple to do one at a time and I can just get everything done without stress. That will be nice. I am sure my GPA will look better at the end now (not that it actually matters to anyone but me, but I'm happy about this).
I don't like this decision, but I have this peace knowing that it will be best. My plans stunk. God took over.
Story of my life.
Monday, June 24, 2013
A Fleece
I have an idea of what God wants me to do after graduation, but I'm not sure. It's hard with these things. I just want it written in bold letters somewhere "You are supposed to do ____" but that's not how God works all the time. I want my writing on the wall. I want to know with the certainty that He gave me when I went back to school this time what it is that I'm supposed to do with this degree.
I know what not to do. I can't make a plan of my own. That trips me up every time. It's one of those things that comes naturally to me. I make plans. If God isn't moving fast enough for my taste, I plunge forward anyway.
I really have to stop that. Falling on my face just hurts. I'm tired of doing that.
So I've asked. I've waited. I've lacked planning.
By the way, not planning in a place with a slogan "live your purpose" is difficult. The university that I am attending is all about helping you live your goals. It's assumed that you have a goal. What in the world would you be there for if you didn't have a goal? Especially for a person as old as I am. There has to be a reason, right?
Yeah, my reason is to do what God told me to do. At least it's a Christian University so that's an acceptable answer...but it doesn't stop people from asking, "so what are you going to do until God tells you what to do next?" The answer "wait" really should be acceptable, but it's frustrating to others. I totally understand why. It's frustrating to me too.
So anyway, there's a point to this. I have an idea of what God wants of me. I'm pretty sure I know what it's not. It's one area that I have wanted to avoid. It's the thing that I blogged about not wanting to do in my last post. I'm not incredibly happy about it, but as soon as I acknowledged in that post that I was avoiding it, I've been so convicted about surrendering everything. Everywhere I go. The sermon that I had to listen to for homework. The pastor's sermon I listened to Sunday. Posts from my friends on Facebook. Books that I've been reading. I just can't avoid it. I can't avoid God.
So, I'm not saying what the direction is that He may be leading me to. I don't even know if it's really it or if he just wants me to surrender to Him fully (by the way, that's what I'm hoping for at this point).
Like Gideon in the book of Judges, I'm laying out a fleece for God. Not a literal fleece (though if I did in the dry weather of summer in So Cal, it would have to be God getting that thing wet), but a figurative one. I'm asking God to show me in a very specific way that this is from Him.
Now, I've been very specific with God, but I'm not going to be specific in this blog. I don't want to take the chance that someone will read this and think "I should make that happen." Not that I have a large following, but I'm not taking any chances. If this thing happens, I will know with certainty that it is from Him. If it doesn't, I will wait some more.
Here's the thing. I'm not to happy about waiting longer. I'm also pretty certain that if this thing happens, I won't be too happy for a while. The thing that I'm counting on is the peace. I love the peace that comes in knowing that I'm doing what God wants me to do. I want that. I need that. I need it more than I need to like the direction that I'm headed. One of the things that I've learned about when God tells me to do something that I don't want to do and I do it anyway is that it always works out better than what I planned. God loves me and wants what is best for me. He also wants me to have joy. I count on the joy. I count on the peace. I count on God's plan being better than any of mine.
That's what's in my head and in my heart, but I'm still struggling in the meantime. Maybe I should take a cue from my lessons to my kids lately and "Do everything without grumbling or arguing" (Phil 2:14)
I know what not to do. I can't make a plan of my own. That trips me up every time. It's one of those things that comes naturally to me. I make plans. If God isn't moving fast enough for my taste, I plunge forward anyway.
I really have to stop that. Falling on my face just hurts. I'm tired of doing that.
So I've asked. I've waited. I've lacked planning.
By the way, not planning in a place with a slogan "live your purpose" is difficult. The university that I am attending is all about helping you live your goals. It's assumed that you have a goal. What in the world would you be there for if you didn't have a goal? Especially for a person as old as I am. There has to be a reason, right?
Yeah, my reason is to do what God told me to do. At least it's a Christian University so that's an acceptable answer...but it doesn't stop people from asking, "so what are you going to do until God tells you what to do next?" The answer "wait" really should be acceptable, but it's frustrating to others. I totally understand why. It's frustrating to me too.
So anyway, there's a point to this. I have an idea of what God wants of me. I'm pretty sure I know what it's not. It's one area that I have wanted to avoid. It's the thing that I blogged about not wanting to do in my last post. I'm not incredibly happy about it, but as soon as I acknowledged in that post that I was avoiding it, I've been so convicted about surrendering everything. Everywhere I go. The sermon that I had to listen to for homework. The pastor's sermon I listened to Sunday. Posts from my friends on Facebook. Books that I've been reading. I just can't avoid it. I can't avoid God.
So, I'm not saying what the direction is that He may be leading me to. I don't even know if it's really it or if he just wants me to surrender to Him fully (by the way, that's what I'm hoping for at this point).
Like Gideon in the book of Judges, I'm laying out a fleece for God. Not a literal fleece (though if I did in the dry weather of summer in So Cal, it would have to be God getting that thing wet), but a figurative one. I'm asking God to show me in a very specific way that this is from Him.
Now, I've been very specific with God, but I'm not going to be specific in this blog. I don't want to take the chance that someone will read this and think "I should make that happen." Not that I have a large following, but I'm not taking any chances. If this thing happens, I will know with certainty that it is from Him. If it doesn't, I will wait some more.
Here's the thing. I'm not to happy about waiting longer. I'm also pretty certain that if this thing happens, I won't be too happy for a while. The thing that I'm counting on is the peace. I love the peace that comes in knowing that I'm doing what God wants me to do. I want that. I need that. I need it more than I need to like the direction that I'm headed. One of the things that I've learned about when God tells me to do something that I don't want to do and I do it anyway is that it always works out better than what I planned. God loves me and wants what is best for me. He also wants me to have joy. I count on the joy. I count on the peace. I count on God's plan being better than any of mine.
That's what's in my head and in my heart, but I'm still struggling in the meantime. Maybe I should take a cue from my lessons to my kids lately and "Do everything without grumbling or arguing" (Phil 2:14)
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Thoughts
As I sat down and wrote my paper today on religious liberty in public schools, I acknowledged fully finally that God does not want me to be a school teacher. This revelation has been in my head for a while, but I've always thought of it as a kind of a backup plan, in case God doesn't tell me what I should do next.
Nope. Not even then.
It's really frustrating to answer the questions about my plans for graduation. The fact is that I don't have any still. I voiced this frustration to some of my amazing friends from church and I was so blessed by their response. One of my friends told me of her journey to get her law degree, but God didn't call her to be a lawyer. Another of my friends told me of someone who she went to school with to get her teaching credential who knew that even though she was getting the credential, she didn't plan to be a teacher. Another story came of a man who went to school to get his degree in applied theology, telling everyone who asked that his plan was to serve God. That's it. No "I'm going into ____ ministry." Just serve God.
Well, I'm apparently not alone in my lack of "real plans." That's good to know. Still, it's hard to continue to have this attitude of submisson when I know that December is coming up fast and I don't know what's next.
The hardest part of this is the fear. I fear that God is going to tell me to do something that I just don't want to do. Of course, I know in my head that if He leads me in the direction I don't want to go, His plans will work out far better for me than what I have in mind. I'm trying to be open to the unexpected profession that I think would drive me nuts.
I have one profession in particular that I'm especially afraid of. I really don't want to voice it because I have it in my head that if someone who hears me will say "that's what God wants you to do. He told me to tell you."
I know, it's not total surrender unless I let that go too. I really have to let it go, but I don't want to.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Vent
First, let me apologize for this. I'm totally going to vent right now.
I am so tired of people getting on the opinion bandwagon and beating other people with it.
Recently I lurked in a special needs parents discussion board and watched as a woman was attacked for venting about her problems with taking her son with Aspergers and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) to the store. She was so frustrated with her son who is 12. He's huge and he had a meltdown when he observed someone in the 10 items or less lane with 15 items. He yelled and became violent over something that his mom said "was nothing." She was really having a hard time with him and really needed to vent. She went to, in my opinion, the place that should have been safe.
Unfortunately the discussion board was where she was attacked for her final conclusion to her vent: she needed to find someone to babysit her 12 year old every time she went to the store. The problem is that someone who is very vocal in the autism world, Temple Grandin, has been lecturing everywhere that people need to stop sheltering their kids from the world and get them out to experience things so that they are used to it and it becomes normal, like everyone else. She said they all need jobs and functions in the world, and they can't have that without being exposed to the world.
First let me point out that I agree with Ms. Grandin. Yes, children should be exposed to normal behavior in environments that every other child their age are exposed to. They need to be able to go to the supermarket. They have to be able to do these things so that they can function as part of society.
The problem I had was with people attacking this poor woman who was already down. As parents of children with special needs, we should all know better. Most of us have had the ignorant comments
when we have taken our kids out in public. If our kids have a behavior that is socially unacceptable, we've been there. We've been kicked while we are down. We've had to listen to some lady tell us that our kid wouldn't throw himself on the ground if we would just spank him. We've heard someone tell us that we should just make our kid eat something else besides the 3 foods that they are willing to consume. We've all heard something that made us just want the other person to spend an hour in our shoes and watch them break down like we do. We should know better.
This poor woman who was simply venting, not logically working out solutions for her problem, just expressing her frustration in a place where someone should understand, was cruelly attacked. She was made an example of a horrible mother who wasn't doing anything to teach her child. Temple Grandin was quoted as if her words are infallible simply because she has autism. I'm not saying that her opinions are not valid, but she should not be treated this way by the same people who tout the catch phrase "if you've met one person with autism, you've met just one person with autism." Ms Grandin is just one person with autism.
We who have been in this world for a while have seen opinions change. I was one of the "crazy" people who put her kid on the GF/CF diet before it was the popular treatment of the month. It was right up there with the scary chelation (I have no idea how to spell that) treatment that kids died when their parents implemented it incorrectly. People thought it was that bad. Now everyone is trying it.
I'm not saying that Ms. Grandin is wrong. I've been one of the stubborn ones who took her son with texture issues to restaurants so that he knows how to do it. I've taken my kid to church every week knowing that he hates it when the praise team is slightly off...and they were often off. We deal with it because this is a real life that he has to learn to live in. Still, there are times when dealing with it sucks. When my kid picks up a trash can at Soak City and throws it because he doesn't want to leave, it's rough and I'm scared one day he is going to hurt someone. I can't always handle it. I sometimes break down. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I want to hide my kid at home where I can control everything. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes I need to vent these frustrations, too. I recently did that with a friend when I was just tired of being beat up by my son.
My problem is with the people who were beating this woman over the head with the words of Temple Grandin. Yeah, she is going to have to work with her son on things that go wrong in the world, but she was frustrated and needed support, not someone to tell her everything that she was doing wrong and telling her that she was what is wrong with the special needs world. Shut up and listen a minute. The poor woman is by herself in the world with this boy who is growing and learning to deal with the rest of the world. It's hard.
For those of you who don't have any idea what we are dealing with on a daily basis because you don't have a child on the spectrum, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but, we already ignore you most of the time. We've learned to do that because you don't get it but many of you tend to have an opinion anyway. Most of the time I'm thanking God that you don't have to deal with what I do every day, then walking away before I start lecturing you on what autism is and the behavioral interventions that I'm putting into place (mostly because chances are good that I've more systematically implemented strategies for the problem that you are witnessing than you have ever had to with your child, if you even have one).
I just realized as I was typing this that the whole thing is so very similar to problems in the church. How many times do we beat people while they are down? Sure, our point may be directly from scripture and be absolutely right, but nothing about our "correction" of the other believers is said in love and humility. We beat each other up because we are right and they are wrong and we can prove it. Then when people who are not believers give us their opinion about something, we ignore them because they don't understand. They don't know what the Bible says, so they couldn't possibly get it. It's true, we need to check everything that people who are not believers say to us with our standard, the Bible, but sometimes they say things that are worthwhile but we don't listen because we don't really want to take the time to check it and we like the way we do things anyway.
What we all need is a good dose of humility and to bathe our words in love. None of us knows everything. No matter what we have experienced, no matter what we have seen, no matter what we have read, none of us knows everything. Last time I checked, I'm not God. I don't know everything, and honestly, I don't want to know everything. A few more things, maybe, but not everything. That's way too much work. When someone is wrong, don't attack them. When someone is hurt, hurt with them. Isn't there something like that in the Bible? I remember reading something like that in Romans 12....
I am so tired of people getting on the opinion bandwagon and beating other people with it.
Recently I lurked in a special needs parents discussion board and watched as a woman was attacked for venting about her problems with taking her son with Aspergers and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) to the store. She was so frustrated with her son who is 12. He's huge and he had a meltdown when he observed someone in the 10 items or less lane with 15 items. He yelled and became violent over something that his mom said "was nothing." She was really having a hard time with him and really needed to vent. She went to, in my opinion, the place that should have been safe.
Unfortunately the discussion board was where she was attacked for her final conclusion to her vent: she needed to find someone to babysit her 12 year old every time she went to the store. The problem is that someone who is very vocal in the autism world, Temple Grandin, has been lecturing everywhere that people need to stop sheltering their kids from the world and get them out to experience things so that they are used to it and it becomes normal, like everyone else. She said they all need jobs and functions in the world, and they can't have that without being exposed to the world.
First let me point out that I agree with Ms. Grandin. Yes, children should be exposed to normal behavior in environments that every other child their age are exposed to. They need to be able to go to the supermarket. They have to be able to do these things so that they can function as part of society.
The problem I had was with people attacking this poor woman who was already down. As parents of children with special needs, we should all know better. Most of us have had the ignorant comments
when we have taken our kids out in public. If our kids have a behavior that is socially unacceptable, we've been there. We've been kicked while we are down. We've had to listen to some lady tell us that our kid wouldn't throw himself on the ground if we would just spank him. We've heard someone tell us that we should just make our kid eat something else besides the 3 foods that they are willing to consume. We've all heard something that made us just want the other person to spend an hour in our shoes and watch them break down like we do. We should know better.
This poor woman who was simply venting, not logically working out solutions for her problem, just expressing her frustration in a place where someone should understand, was cruelly attacked. She was made an example of a horrible mother who wasn't doing anything to teach her child. Temple Grandin was quoted as if her words are infallible simply because she has autism. I'm not saying that her opinions are not valid, but she should not be treated this way by the same people who tout the catch phrase "if you've met one person with autism, you've met just one person with autism." Ms Grandin is just one person with autism.
We who have been in this world for a while have seen opinions change. I was one of the "crazy" people who put her kid on the GF/CF diet before it was the popular treatment of the month. It was right up there with the scary chelation (I have no idea how to spell that) treatment that kids died when their parents implemented it incorrectly. People thought it was that bad. Now everyone is trying it.
I'm not saying that Ms. Grandin is wrong. I've been one of the stubborn ones who took her son with texture issues to restaurants so that he knows how to do it. I've taken my kid to church every week knowing that he hates it when the praise team is slightly off...and they were often off. We deal with it because this is a real life that he has to learn to live in. Still, there are times when dealing with it sucks. When my kid picks up a trash can at Soak City and throws it because he doesn't want to leave, it's rough and I'm scared one day he is going to hurt someone. I can't always handle it. I sometimes break down. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I want to hide my kid at home where I can control everything. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes I need to vent these frustrations, too. I recently did that with a friend when I was just tired of being beat up by my son.
My problem is with the people who were beating this woman over the head with the words of Temple Grandin. Yeah, she is going to have to work with her son on things that go wrong in the world, but she was frustrated and needed support, not someone to tell her everything that she was doing wrong and telling her that she was what is wrong with the special needs world. Shut up and listen a minute. The poor woman is by herself in the world with this boy who is growing and learning to deal with the rest of the world. It's hard.
For those of you who don't have any idea what we are dealing with on a daily basis because you don't have a child on the spectrum, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but, we already ignore you most of the time. We've learned to do that because you don't get it but many of you tend to have an opinion anyway. Most of the time I'm thanking God that you don't have to deal with what I do every day, then walking away before I start lecturing you on what autism is and the behavioral interventions that I'm putting into place (mostly because chances are good that I've more systematically implemented strategies for the problem that you are witnessing than you have ever had to with your child, if you even have one).
I just realized as I was typing this that the whole thing is so very similar to problems in the church. How many times do we beat people while they are down? Sure, our point may be directly from scripture and be absolutely right, but nothing about our "correction" of the other believers is said in love and humility. We beat each other up because we are right and they are wrong and we can prove it. Then when people who are not believers give us their opinion about something, we ignore them because they don't understand. They don't know what the Bible says, so they couldn't possibly get it. It's true, we need to check everything that people who are not believers say to us with our standard, the Bible, but sometimes they say things that are worthwhile but we don't listen because we don't really want to take the time to check it and we like the way we do things anyway.
What we all need is a good dose of humility and to bathe our words in love. None of us knows everything. No matter what we have experienced, no matter what we have seen, no matter what we have read, none of us knows everything. Last time I checked, I'm not God. I don't know everything, and honestly, I don't want to know everything. A few more things, maybe, but not everything. That's way too much work. When someone is wrong, don't attack them. When someone is hurt, hurt with them. Isn't there something like that in the Bible? I remember reading something like that in Romans 12....
I know I say this a lot...
...but it's been a while since I last blogged, so I thought I would do a little something here.
An update about school: I'm still going! It's Summer classes for me, and that is rougher than I thought it would be. I'm trying to keep the kid's schedule full like I normally have to in order to keep everyone healthy and happy, all while keeping up with my full-time school schedule.
I'm never doing that again.
I don't know how to keep everything in the air, and I'm certainly not going to have awesome grades (straight A's last semester...while the kids were in school). I will pass the classes, but that's all I'm shooting for at this point. I just want to make it through the summer. If I can do that, I can do anything.
The most frustrating thing at this point in school is that I still have no idea what God wants me to do with my degree once I'm done. I know that I will have to get some sort of job, and that once I'm done I will be trying to substitute teach for a while just so I have money coming in to cover the student loans (at the very least).
Part of my problem is I have logistics in my head. I'm still a mom. I still need to be there for my kids. They are in school, so I'm free then...unless something comes up.
Nothing compares to being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my job. Still, when God told me to go back to school, I figured He had a plan in mind for me for when I finish. He does, I know, but I'm still waiting to find out what it is. In my head I keep going over all of the things that I love, praying and trying to figure it out, but I keep hearing "wait."
That's not the answer I was looking for.
It doesn't help that I keep being given assignments in classes that ask me what my plans are and I feel like I'm submitting the lamest response, "I don't know."
The fact is that my most important job I will ever have is what I'm doing now. I serve God. I'm a great mom. That sounds weird to me to say it, but I know that I do everything that I can for my family, and that's what a great mom does.
My question now is, did God wanting me to go back to school have anything at all to do with me getting a job outside of the home, or did He just want me to do it for a different reason entirely? Is there going to be another opportunity thrown in my lap that I will need a degree for later that may help my family in some way?
I'm so full of questions. I know that part of this is me growing enough to not have to know the answers. I know that it's another thing that I'm just going to have to trust God about. I'm trying not to be frustrated with not knowing what's next. It's not really working. I like plans.
An update about school: I'm still going! It's Summer classes for me, and that is rougher than I thought it would be. I'm trying to keep the kid's schedule full like I normally have to in order to keep everyone healthy and happy, all while keeping up with my full-time school schedule.
I'm never doing that again.
I don't know how to keep everything in the air, and I'm certainly not going to have awesome grades (straight A's last semester...while the kids were in school). I will pass the classes, but that's all I'm shooting for at this point. I just want to make it through the summer. If I can do that, I can do anything.
The most frustrating thing at this point in school is that I still have no idea what God wants me to do with my degree once I'm done. I know that I will have to get some sort of job, and that once I'm done I will be trying to substitute teach for a while just so I have money coming in to cover the student loans (at the very least).
Part of my problem is I have logistics in my head. I'm still a mom. I still need to be there for my kids. They are in school, so I'm free then...unless something comes up.
Nothing compares to being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my job. Still, when God told me to go back to school, I figured He had a plan in mind for me for when I finish. He does, I know, but I'm still waiting to find out what it is. In my head I keep going over all of the things that I love, praying and trying to figure it out, but I keep hearing "wait."
That's not the answer I was looking for.
It doesn't help that I keep being given assignments in classes that ask me what my plans are and I feel like I'm submitting the lamest response, "I don't know."
The fact is that my most important job I will ever have is what I'm doing now. I serve God. I'm a great mom. That sounds weird to me to say it, but I know that I do everything that I can for my family, and that's what a great mom does.
My question now is, did God wanting me to go back to school have anything at all to do with me getting a job outside of the home, or did He just want me to do it for a different reason entirely? Is there going to be another opportunity thrown in my lap that I will need a degree for later that may help my family in some way?
I'm so full of questions. I know that part of this is me growing enough to not have to know the answers. I know that it's another thing that I'm just going to have to trust God about. I'm trying not to be frustrated with not knowing what's next. It's not really working. I like plans.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
What Rhymes With Comet?
Last night I finished 2 finals for my classes this session, working all the way to midnight. Well, technically I turned in the last final project thing at 11:58pm. It was due by midnight. I was rushed like crazy and I really needed a break today to keep my nerves down.
That didn't happen.
So this morning I got up, very excited to go to the girls' school to see Becca get her Student of the Month award. Go Becca! I got a phone call while in the assembly for her award. Ali was sick. She threw up in class.
I'm pretty sure that she's going to get a disgusting nickname after she threw up in class for the second time this year. Puke Queen maybe? I don't know, whatever first graders would call a kid who blows chunks everywhere.
I took her with me to the assembly and she sat there puking while I took pictures of Becca. It's one of those horrible mom things that happens sometimes because I have 4 kids. I figured Ali could be puking anywhere, and she was way in the back away from everyone, so I may as well finish gushing over Becca, who really needs that right now.
Ali and I went home and she wouldn't stop hurling. She laid down and napped (something that she hasn't done since she was about a year old) while I finished some homework that was due. She only woke up to drink a bit of water, then she would immediately throw up. My mommy senses were tingling. I decided that she needed to got to the doctor. I cal to get an appointment and I'm told that there is not a pediatrics appointment today anywhere within 30 miles of my house. They transferred me to the nurse help line. Wait...wait...wait...I'm on hold for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, Ali decided that she needed to get up and get something. She stood up then fell immediately, then she retched again. The nurse on the helpline finally came on and I told her what was going on. She told me to hold while she tried to get Ali in to see a doctor right away.
Cue the elevator music.
Back to the nurse who tells me that there are no appointments available anywhere (I already knew that) and that I should take my daughter in to the emergency room immediately.
I'm all for taking my kid in to the emergency room when necessary. I have a $50 copay that I will gladly pay if there is a real emergency. I recognize that Ali's condition is serious and that she needs to see a doctor today, but she just needed an Urgent Care appointment ($15). Still, I went.
I drove to the ER parking lot and there is no parking places to be found. I went to the next parking lot, nothing again. The small parking structure was full. Next place to go was the parking structure next to Urgent Care. Ali is in the back using her regurgitation receptacle. I found a spot.
There is no way that Ali is going to walk anywhere and, of course, there are no wheelchairs to be found. I carry her. I'm walking toward the ER when I wonder if I should go up to the Urgent Care and ask for her to be seen even though she has no appointment (not how it normally works). I try it. I figure the worst they can do is say no, I should go to the ER. I get up there and my poor baby misses the bucket and upchucks on me.
My day could have been better.
Tony takes off work and goes to get the other girls and Micah. I forget to tell him (because I'm temporarily out of it for some reason) that Micah is getting an award and that he should go straight over to his school after picking up the girls. The bad mom moment of the day was really that one. I did remember to tell him that he had to go straight over from picking up Micah to the dentist for Becca's appointment. He reminds me that he has to be in Alta Loma for an umpire thing about an hour after Becca's appointment. The way that dentist works, there was no way she was going to get finished before he had to leave.
I need an instant clone.
Grandma to the rescue! My mom gets off work about the time Tony needs to leave. I arrange for her to take over and Tony to get out of there. This would have totally worked if Tony had followed the plan, but apparently I didn't explain it clear enough for him to understand with everything else that was happening at once. It probably wasn't his fault.
Meanwhile, Ali and I wait and wait and wait at the Urgent Care for a doctor to have time to see us. We finally get in and she takes one look at Ali and prescribes medicine to stop the barfing. She asks me and Ali if we prefer a shot or a suppository. Ali has no idea what a suppository is, but she knows she hates shots so she begs for the butt medicine. The doctor told her that it wouldn't hurt, it would just be a little jelly on her butt. She was so mad at that doctor! She said, "the doctor said on my butt, not in my butt!"
Yeah. That was fun.
Ali spews again before we leave. Off to the pharmacy for the other medication!
Tony is having fun at the dentist with Becca...and Zoe and Micah are having fun in the waiting room. My mom gets off work and Tony tells her to go to our house where he will bring the kids. Except Becca is still not done. There was a problem there.
Fortunately, Ali and I just had to finish at the pharmacy, then head to the gas station before we ran out of gas, then go get Micah and Zoe, drop them off with my mom, then I was going to go back and wait for Becca. By the time I got home with the kids, Becca was done, Tony was late, and I still had to go pick up Micah's glasses from the optometrist. My mom waited with the girls while I took Micah to pick up his glasses. We got back, my mom left to get back to my grandma, and I sat down for the first time that day without a stressful thing happening.
I started to remember that I hadn't eaten anything except for a bagel and chai latte I decided to get at Starbucks that morning while waiting for the assembly. Even that had been stressful because some lady was screaming at a guy right next to my car while I was inside. She ended up shoving him onto my car. I so did not want to go out into that mess, but I didn't want to be late for the assembly. They ended up leaving before I had to go, but it was still not fun to watch.
So anyway, I'm sitting at home and starting to realize that I am really hungry with good reason. Micah has decided to make himself a pb&j and not wait for me to get up and make dinner. Wise boy because MS is ready to kick in because I'm so tired. Ali wants to know if she can have broth. Becca wants to know when 2 hours is up after her dental procedure so she can eat something. Zoe just wants food.
I start to get up and realize that I just can't. I'm tired and I just can't make it any more without collapsing on the floor. I tell the kids that they get to make their own dinner tonight. This is fine until someone observes that we are out of bread. No sandwiches? What now?
Zoe breaks out the instant oatmeal and declares breakfast for dinner for her. Becca sets an alarm for her teeth then makes herself a can of soup in the microwave. Ali is starting to hold down water! She declares herself to be starving. I ask Becca to warm up some chicken broth for her.
Everyone is fed but me. I finally get Zoe to make me a packet of instant oatmeal. I'm too tired to care that it's the nasty banana flavored junk. I'll probably need some protein too, but this was a start.
Well, I didn't wear a cape today, but the day was not the disaster that it could have been. I want to go to bed, but it's not Micah's bedtime yet. I guess there's still room for more excitement in this day after all.
That didn't happen.
So this morning I got up, very excited to go to the girls' school to see Becca get her Student of the Month award. Go Becca! I got a phone call while in the assembly for her award. Ali was sick. She threw up in class.
I'm pretty sure that she's going to get a disgusting nickname after she threw up in class for the second time this year. Puke Queen maybe? I don't know, whatever first graders would call a kid who blows chunks everywhere.
I took her with me to the assembly and she sat there puking while I took pictures of Becca. It's one of those horrible mom things that happens sometimes because I have 4 kids. I figured Ali could be puking anywhere, and she was way in the back away from everyone, so I may as well finish gushing over Becca, who really needs that right now.
Ali and I went home and she wouldn't stop hurling. She laid down and napped (something that she hasn't done since she was about a year old) while I finished some homework that was due. She only woke up to drink a bit of water, then she would immediately throw up. My mommy senses were tingling. I decided that she needed to got to the doctor. I cal to get an appointment and I'm told that there is not a pediatrics appointment today anywhere within 30 miles of my house. They transferred me to the nurse help line. Wait...wait...wait...I'm on hold for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, Ali decided that she needed to get up and get something. She stood up then fell immediately, then she retched again. The nurse on the helpline finally came on and I told her what was going on. She told me to hold while she tried to get Ali in to see a doctor right away.
Cue the elevator music.
Back to the nurse who tells me that there are no appointments available anywhere (I already knew that) and that I should take my daughter in to the emergency room immediately.
I'm all for taking my kid in to the emergency room when necessary. I have a $50 copay that I will gladly pay if there is a real emergency. I recognize that Ali's condition is serious and that she needs to see a doctor today, but she just needed an Urgent Care appointment ($15). Still, I went.
I drove to the ER parking lot and there is no parking places to be found. I went to the next parking lot, nothing again. The small parking structure was full. Next place to go was the parking structure next to Urgent Care. Ali is in the back using her regurgitation receptacle. I found a spot.
There is no way that Ali is going to walk anywhere and, of course, there are no wheelchairs to be found. I carry her. I'm walking toward the ER when I wonder if I should go up to the Urgent Care and ask for her to be seen even though she has no appointment (not how it normally works). I try it. I figure the worst they can do is say no, I should go to the ER. I get up there and my poor baby misses the bucket and upchucks on me.
My day could have been better.
Tony takes off work and goes to get the other girls and Micah. I forget to tell him (because I'm temporarily out of it for some reason) that Micah is getting an award and that he should go straight over to his school after picking up the girls. The bad mom moment of the day was really that one. I did remember to tell him that he had to go straight over from picking up Micah to the dentist for Becca's appointment. He reminds me that he has to be in Alta Loma for an umpire thing about an hour after Becca's appointment. The way that dentist works, there was no way she was going to get finished before he had to leave.
I need an instant clone.
Grandma to the rescue! My mom gets off work about the time Tony needs to leave. I arrange for her to take over and Tony to get out of there. This would have totally worked if Tony had followed the plan, but apparently I didn't explain it clear enough for him to understand with everything else that was happening at once. It probably wasn't his fault.
Meanwhile, Ali and I wait and wait and wait at the Urgent Care for a doctor to have time to see us. We finally get in and she takes one look at Ali and prescribes medicine to stop the barfing. She asks me and Ali if we prefer a shot or a suppository. Ali has no idea what a suppository is, but she knows she hates shots so she begs for the butt medicine. The doctor told her that it wouldn't hurt, it would just be a little jelly on her butt. She was so mad at that doctor! She said, "the doctor said on my butt, not in my butt!"
Yeah. That was fun.
Ali spews again before we leave. Off to the pharmacy for the other medication!
Tony is having fun at the dentist with Becca...and Zoe and Micah are having fun in the waiting room. My mom gets off work and Tony tells her to go to our house where he will bring the kids. Except Becca is still not done. There was a problem there.
Fortunately, Ali and I just had to finish at the pharmacy, then head to the gas station before we ran out of gas, then go get Micah and Zoe, drop them off with my mom, then I was going to go back and wait for Becca. By the time I got home with the kids, Becca was done, Tony was late, and I still had to go pick up Micah's glasses from the optometrist. My mom waited with the girls while I took Micah to pick up his glasses. We got back, my mom left to get back to my grandma, and I sat down for the first time that day without a stressful thing happening.
I started to remember that I hadn't eaten anything except for a bagel and chai latte I decided to get at Starbucks that morning while waiting for the assembly. Even that had been stressful because some lady was screaming at a guy right next to my car while I was inside. She ended up shoving him onto my car. I so did not want to go out into that mess, but I didn't want to be late for the assembly. They ended up leaving before I had to go, but it was still not fun to watch.
So anyway, I'm sitting at home and starting to realize that I am really hungry with good reason. Micah has decided to make himself a pb&j and not wait for me to get up and make dinner. Wise boy because MS is ready to kick in because I'm so tired. Ali wants to know if she can have broth. Becca wants to know when 2 hours is up after her dental procedure so she can eat something. Zoe just wants food.
I start to get up and realize that I just can't. I'm tired and I just can't make it any more without collapsing on the floor. I tell the kids that they get to make their own dinner tonight. This is fine until someone observes that we are out of bread. No sandwiches? What now?
Zoe breaks out the instant oatmeal and declares breakfast for dinner for her. Becca sets an alarm for her teeth then makes herself a can of soup in the microwave. Ali is starting to hold down water! She declares herself to be starving. I ask Becca to warm up some chicken broth for her.
Everyone is fed but me. I finally get Zoe to make me a packet of instant oatmeal. I'm too tired to care that it's the nasty banana flavored junk. I'll probably need some protein too, but this was a start.
Well, I didn't wear a cape today, but the day was not the disaster that it could have been. I want to go to bed, but it's not Micah's bedtime yet. I guess there's still room for more excitement in this day after all.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013: The Year Without Stopping
This year should be interesting. I look at my schedule and I see full to overflowing. This year my mission is obvious: get my degree in the midst of my normal family life.
I started off pretty well back to school. I have 3 A's and 1 B in my classes from last semester. I'm still kinda upset about the B. Still, I did my best and came out with my family still functioning.
Next week I start a new semester. It looks like some really tough classes ahead for the next 8 weeks. I have three that I am starting next week. I'm looking forward to them this time. The last 8 weeks were just crazy and neither class was really enjoyable for me. This time I have all classes that are in my major, and the classes seem really fun, though time consuming. It will be 8 weeks of hard work, followed by 8 more weeks of hard work, then a moment to breathe, then back to another 8 weeks of hard work...that is pretty much my year.
At the end of the year, if all goes the way that it is supposed to, I will have my Bachelor's from California Baptist University. I'm still not sure what the next step is after that, but I'm waiting for a calling from God before making plans. I have a few things that I have in my head, but I want to make sure that whatever plans that I have come from God before making them. I don't want to base my decision on what I want. I want God to direct me completely. It's kind of a strange place to be right now. I'm still waiting on direction but moving forward with what I know God wants me to do. Life would be so much easier if I knew all of the plans, but God never promised anyone an easy life.
I started off pretty well back to school. I have 3 A's and 1 B in my classes from last semester. I'm still kinda upset about the B. Still, I did my best and came out with my family still functioning.
Next week I start a new semester. It looks like some really tough classes ahead for the next 8 weeks. I have three that I am starting next week. I'm looking forward to them this time. The last 8 weeks were just crazy and neither class was really enjoyable for me. This time I have all classes that are in my major, and the classes seem really fun, though time consuming. It will be 8 weeks of hard work, followed by 8 more weeks of hard work, then a moment to breathe, then back to another 8 weeks of hard work...that is pretty much my year.
At the end of the year, if all goes the way that it is supposed to, I will have my Bachelor's from California Baptist University. I'm still not sure what the next step is after that, but I'm waiting for a calling from God before making plans. I have a few things that I have in my head, but I want to make sure that whatever plans that I have come from God before making them. I don't want to base my decision on what I want. I want God to direct me completely. It's kind of a strange place to be right now. I'm still waiting on direction but moving forward with what I know God wants me to do. Life would be so much easier if I knew all of the plans, but God never promised anyone an easy life.
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