Michigan

Micah has a new obsession. He is constantly asking to go get on a plane and fly to Michigan to see the Great Lakes.

My response? I had no idea what to say at first. His plan was quite well developed. He told me that he needed to get to the airport, then get on a plane where he would travel to Colorado, where he would have a layover (who told him about layovers?). From there he would get on another plane, which would take him to Lansing.

So...if your 8 year old came to you with this plan, what would you say? No? I tried that. He's not easily swayed to drop it when an obsession begins. I didn't know how far this obsession would go, though.

My next thought was to let him find out how much it would cost. We went to the computer and started looking up airplane tickets. He's pretty good with money, and knows when something is out of reach. Well, that put him off for that day. There were no tickets available to fly to Michigan that day, and there were none by way of Denver that we could find at all. He didn't drop the idea of a layover, he just said that he needed to fly to Denver and stay overnight.

Since this was starting to be quite the learning experience, I started to reward Micah with computer time to google Michigan so he could plan what he wanted to do there. So far, he has found an airplane tour of the Great Lakes, and he's trying to find where the best place to take a sailboat out, and how much that would cost.

The bill is really adding up. Still, he knows that if he is actually going to go, he has to earn the money himself. That is something that I am making really clear.

So we have started a Michigan fund. Micah hasn't come up with a total amount yet, so we are waiting for it. He has said that he doesn't want to take the girls, though. That means that he will probably only have to take one parent, which will keep his total down. He hasn't decided if he wants Mom or Dad.

Am I feeding the obsession? Sure. I figure it will take him a while to raise the money, though. I'm hoping that he eventually drops it, but if he doesn't, it's not going to break my heart to go to Michigan...or send Tony.

So, what next? What else can we learn about Michigan that would help Micah plan his trip? I don't want to run out of ideas. Maybe weather stuff? He's working on activities that he wants to do. He should probably start looking at when he wants to go, right?

I'm still working it out. We probably will have charts everywhere before the end of this. I am open to ideas if you have any.

This isn't Micah's first obsession, but it is the first that he has come up with on his own. He studies maps all the time, and this just came up. I'm not sure why, except when we were talking about states looking at his map of the US, he attached himself to the Great Lakes. I have tried to get him hooked on space, and that worked for a while...about a year. We did a little while being obsessed with Sea World and the animals there. Maps are the newest, and while I introduced him to them, the obsession was his own. He still likes to talk about states and capitols, and he knows the maps to Disneyland and Sea World like the back of his hand. Michigan is just an extension of that map obsession.

I really like the obsessions. It's probably one of my favorite parts of Micah's autism. It's a great tool for motivation, and when you use them right, they are great learning tools. It can get annoying, especially when Micah wants to go to the airport right now. Still, it's fun to see Micah get so excited about learning something. Overall, no matter how annoying it can be, it's still good for him in the end.

The Autism Card

I had an incident that got me thinking on Monday. It's really taken me this long to process the whole thing in my brain so that I don't come out and slam (albeit anonymously) this lady on my blog. I think I'm ok now, though.

Monday was a lot of fun. I just want to start there. The situation didn't ruin my day, it just sent me thinking...and I really want to get over it. One of my friends (who is a supermom) invited us to come with her and her kids to this place that is basically an indoor bouncy playground. They have inflatable bounce houses and a rock climbing wall and all kinds of fun for indoors. We ended up with 9 kids and 3 adults bouncing around this place. That seems pretty chaotic, but it really wasn't. It was a great group of kids, and there really weren't any behavior problems (except for Micah going around asking random adults for money...yeah...). Ok, there was a bit of drama between a mom who didn't know what she was talking about and few of the older kids in our group, but it really wasn't a big deal.

My problem ended up being when a little boy repeatedly kicked Ali in the face...on purpose. Not happening. I remove my daughter and the parent comes to me and says "sorry, my son suffers from mild autism and can't control himself."

I couldn't believe it. Someone actually tried to play the autism card on me. She gave the child no reprimand, he went on his way, and she figured that it would totally be fine with me if her kid kicked mine because he has autism.

HA!

I think the funniest part about the whole thing is how calm I am. I'm not screaming at her that if her child can't control himself and randomly kicks kids half his size that he shouldn't be taken out in public. I'm not screaming at her that since her child doesn't naturally understand social situations and what is appropriate, that makes it her job to teach him. I'm not doing this at all. I'm just calm. I'm listening.

I'm so not myself.

She goes on about how hard her life is because her son puts her into bad situations and how rough it was to go through the diagnosis.

Then Micah comes to see me. I introduce my son, who also has autism. I begin to talk about him, and this lady's jaw drops. She just has no idea.

I'm not complaining along with her...though I could. I'm not giving advice about how I dealt with similar situations...though I could. I just talk about Micah. I love my son. I don't ever regret him. This lady seemed to have so many regrets. I feel so sorry for her. She just didn't know what she was missing.

Now, I don't want to judge. She probably loves her son tremendously. It could have been a bad day for her. We all have them. It's just way too easy to slip into a pity party if you let yourself. She ended up leaving the place soon after our talk (which was nice because I found myself watching her kid more than mine...safety stuff, ya know?) and she seemed pretty defeated.

I'm finding myself thinking of all of the things that I could have said to her, but I didn't. I don't think I could have said anything that would have made her change her mind about parenting, so those words I really don't regret not voicing. I just wish I could have been more of an encouragement to her.

On the other hand, where is that lioness protecting her cubs? Why am I not furious? Well, Ali just shook the whole thing off, so it was hard to get too upset. The kid apparently didn't kick her too hard, or she didn't care that much. She cried for less than 30 seconds. It's hard for me to get worked up over that, especially since I was in shock over the mother's excuse for her kid.

Hopefully now that I have blogged about it, I can get over the whole thing. I'm tired of it being stuck in my head.

If you like to talk to office supplies...if a Broadway song can make you smile...

This is from the new VeggieTales video that is coming out in February. I thought it was fun.

Questionable Parenting?

There comes a point in every mother's life where she questions her parenting skills. I'm guessing that for most women, the breaking point (if it hasn't come before) is the age of 3.

Ok, that's really just my theory, but if you're a mom, and you've never questioned your abilities, just humor me for a minute.

My questioning has come this week.

I know, I'm Supermommie! There is no way that I can't handle this stuff...right?

If I dared snap pictures of my twin's newest haircuts, you would understand my questioning. Why? Why do my children repeatedly do the things that I know that I have explained (with much discipline) are wrong?

My girls just don't want hair.

They don't want toys, either.

This week they have been grounded from many of their toys because they refused to clean up after themselves. I told them that in order for them to get their toys back, they would have to keep their room clean constantly. Of course, this should be easy with no (or few) toys to clean up, right? NO! Laundry beside the hamper! Digging through drawers to find the outfit that they want then leaving the discarded clothes everywhere! What do I do next? Ground them from clothes? I discovered that my lovely Becca just needed to be threatened with my choosing her clothes for her every day. Still, Ali and Zoe just don't care. They just throw a fit (though that gets them no where) and decide to make Mommy miserable. I'm ready to take away all their dresses (though Ali really doesn't care).

So...do I give my kids way too much freedom? I know, my 3-year-olds pick out their own clothes, but it gives them independence in something small and controllable. I don't over-structure their days in the mornings because we get a lot of structure when their brother comes home from school. I want to let them have some time to just be themselves, though the good teaching times come during that part of the day. For example, we are learning to tell time (on a digital clock) right now because they wanted to know when they could have a snack. They know their numbers, I was busy, so I gave them a time to look for on the clock. Great fun, made the waiting easier, and they learned a little bit in the process. Teaching for us is in the small stuff.

Still, I give them a lot of choices. I wonder if I give them too many. I mean, whenever they have a choice in something, it is limited (i.e. pb&J or grilled cheese?), but they really do get choices all day long...until their brother gets home, anyway....then we have the schedule.

I wonder if all those choices are making them think that they are in charge a little too much. I also wonder if I could even change my habits if I tried. My daughters are smart, opinionated, and slightly manipulative. The last part doesn't always work on me, but still, it's there. I just feel that if they give me a reasonable argument (without whining, I hate whining) that there is no real reason why I can't compromise a little. Not on the important stuff like brushing your teeth and eating right, but then I don't think that they would be able to give me a reasonable argument to get out of that stuff.

Generally my problems don't come about when I am talking to them anyway...it's when they sneak around behind my back and paint with peanut butter or find scissors that Micah had in his art kit that I didn't know he had and play beauty salon...not for the first time....

Why didn't I know about the scissors? It's not the first time this has happened! At some point I'm just being the questionable parent!

I could keep complaining, or I could just start a count down for when the twins finally get out of the evil age of 3....

Referee

Today, I feel like a referee. The twins are getting on each other's nerves. Ali has a mean right hook. Zoe would be an awesome wrestler. She can take down her sister in less than 10 seconds.

Ok, I shouldn't be bragging about their fighting skills, but really, there's not much else to be positive about. I had to put them on opposite sides of the table for breakfast this morning so that they couldn't reach each other. This resulted in a spoon fight (they have already done the food fight thing in the past...they got into way too much trouble for a repeat performance).

After breakfast they started to play with the few toys that they are allowed to touch right now (long story, but they have this aversion to cleaning up after themselves) and Ali threw a punch over Zoe not playing "the prince" in a man voice. Time out number one for Ali.

While Ali is in time out, Zoe decided that it would be fun to taunt her sister...time out one for Zoe.

When time outs are over, the girls apologized to each other and then went on playing together. Not even 5 minutes pass, and I hear the girls in Micah's room. "Hold still, Zoe!" Zoe is crying. I walk in to see Ali stepping on her sister to get on top of their brother's bookshelf, so they can try to reach his "cool toys."

Time out number 2...and I begin to feel like they are going to live in their time-out chairs today.

They move on from their time out and begin to play again. I go to the bathroom...big mistake. By the time I am out, they have gone to the kitchen, gotten down the peanut butter, and had a snack...just the peanut butter.

I'm sick of time out, scrubbers for everyone! My kitchen can use it! The girls clean up their pb paintings (body art and wall decor), and then I set them free again. Another mistake. Looking back, I probably should have noted at this point that they need a lot of extra attention, and this day isn't going to get better if I don't give it to them...I'm just not bright enough to get it at this point.

I'm not feeling especially well, so I decide it's just time to turn on the TV. They look sucked in, so I go to clean up the clean up in the kitchen (you know 3-year-olds are not incredibly thorough). Ten minutes later (I got distracted by dishes), I come in to a wrestling match where Zoe has her sister pinned, and Ali is laying on a little rubber bouncy ball that she found in the couch, screaming "it's mine! I found it!"

Time out number 3. Bouncy ball leaves the building. This time they get out of time out and are sent to play in separate rooms.

Please note that at this point it's only 9am. I am wiped out for the day. I'm just done. I got out of bed less than 2 hours earlier, but I just want to go back.

Next comes Zoe trying out her Stewie impression (thanks Judith). I don't watch the show, and neither do the kids, but my friend posted this on facebook and told me that it was kid-friendly. They have done this to me before, but now it's twice as funny to them.


I'm totally not in the mood. This makes for great fun for the girls. I have to laugh, though.

Finally they are playing together without fighting. This is good! It doesn't last, though. I have come to the conclusion that everything in their lives must come in twos. If one has something, the other has to have the exact same thing, otherwise arguments are unavoidable. This is extended not just to toys, but also to cups, plates, silverware, etc. No matter what, they will both have a preference, and it will be the same one...unless I want it to be the same, then it is totally different. Probably just to irritate me. This is the next argument. Someone wants juice. One wants apple, the other wants cranberry. Well, this isn't happening. After Zoe's tongue injury, she isn't allowed to have juice at all. Milk or water. NOOOO! I can't exactly let Ali have juice right in front of Zoe, so I have a double tantrum on my hands. I walk away. Facebook, here I come. I tell them that I will be happy to get them something to drink when they ask nicely for milk or water. I ignore the rest. The trouble is, they are tantruming together. They are both upset, so they turn on each other. After a bit of wrestling, I get the girls to separate corners, and the tantrums continue. I think they were competing for who can scream the longest.

Lunch time rolls around and the tantrums finally stop. Yeah, they went on for quite a while. The arguments begin again about lunch, but this is settled rather quickly compared to the rest of my day.

They spend most of lunch time telling me that they don't like what I have given them...this is after they have given me specifics every step of lunch (peanut butter and jelly on tortilla...the red jelly, not the orange one...spread out all over, not just the middle...NO! Peanut butter and honey on tortilla!- fortunately, I know to tell them that they don't have to agree).

Is it nap time yet? NO! I still have to go pick up Becca from school. Hooray! She's usually in a good mood on Fridays because her teacher doesn't give weekend homework. When we get home, I will put the twins down for a nap and enjoy the quiet.

Don't burst my bubble! It will probably be quiet at least until Micah comes home...well, maybe....

2010...and what happened to my 2009 goals?

What? I still have a blog?

I know, it's been since November!

Anyhoo!

I wanted to go over my goals that I set for 2009 and see what actually happened.

1. More organized.
Well, probably. I went through my shed and threw away a bunch of junk. I also have one day a week where my house is totally clean...something to do with a therapist showing up, but still, it's a start. I didn't have the party at the end of the year that I wanted to to celebrate my new organizational skills.

2.Physically healthier.
Nope. Actually much worse. Not entirely my fault, though. MS sucks.

3.Better cook
Do the tamales that I learned to make for Christmas count? My FIL (who is incredibly difficult to please with food...he doesn't like anything else that I make) actually liked them and said that I am now in charge of the tamales from now on. That's probably because he's worried that I would make anything else....

4. Better photographer.
Nope, but I have been distracted. Losing sight (not to mention a bout of paralysis) for a while does that to you.

5. Be more edifying to others.
I don't know how measurable that is. I hope that God has worked on me in this area, but I don't think that I actually could tell if I achieved that goal or not. Still, any progress toward that goal is not my doing, it's His.

Well, that's 2009. Who says new year's resolutions don't work?

Here are my 2010 goals:

1. Listen better. To God, my husband, my kids, my friends...everyone. I just want to be a better listener and lose the endless talking thing. Not incredibly measurable, but it's a goal none the less.

2. Even more organized. I'm going to get there! I am determined! If that means that I add a day of organization per year, in 6 years, I'll be set!

3. Feel better. This means figuring out how my body reacts to things better, and keeping myself out of MS relapse. Not that that is completely controllable, but there are things that I can do to lower my chances. It also means trying to figure out how to get back to a exercise routine within my limitations...I have to know those limits better, too....

Ok, that's it. Just 3 goals this year. Think I can do it?