Advent

For the second year, my family will be celebrating Advent. It's an awesome tradition that helps my kids remember what the meaning of Christmas really is to us.

Two years ago, right after Christmas, while going shopping at the after Christmas sales with my mom, I came across this really great Advent calendar. At 90% off, I'm going to buy a lot of things that had very little reason yet (we won't talk about my shopping habits in this blog post though) but this one was an awesome find. I really have to take a picture of it...

Anyway, it's like any reusable Advent calendar thing, it has little doors for each day with the number for the day. I figured I'd use it, and I think it only cost me a couple of bucks anyway, so there it sat until Christmas season rolled around the following year.

Christmas lately (for the last 4 years), I've been decorating my house with a new theme every year. Each theme was based on a scent. Cinnamon one year, gingerbread...you get it. This year is peppermint.

Add the tradition of advent with my theme of the year and I had something in my little boxes that was a fun family activity for every night. Last year, that was how we decorated the tree. The kids made ornaments at least twice a week last year...it was a really full tree when it was finished.

This year I decided to break out old decorations and just add as we go when necessary. We may make one ornament a week. If the tree gets too full I'll put away some of the store bought decorations quietly after the kids go to bed at night.

Tonight, for the first night of our Advent calendar, we made candy canes out of chenille sticks. We talked about what the shape of a candy cane reminds us of. We turned it upside-down and talked about what words start with J. The kids eventually caught on and started to talk about Jesus. I love it when the conversation goes that way with only a little prodding. Ali and Zoe were talking about baby Jesus and how "Christmas is about him."

Some days we might read stories, some days make fun stuff, some days we might start early and bake something. I'm even thinking of a family outing this year for it. It's all about the family activity, and helping the kids solidify in their minds what Christmas is really all about. It's what the kids look forward to.

Maybe some day my kids will roll their eyes at me making them come open the little door and wonder why they can't go out with their friends for almost the entire month of December, but I will continue to be that mean, dorky mom who makes them go through the motions and tell me about what Christmas is really all about. It's a family tradition that I'm making up as I go along because I'm like that.

Halloween Costumes Part 2

Tonight was successful. We had a great time at our church's Fall Fun Festival. The kids got more candy than we could eat in a year (I say that every year, but it's totally true. I throw away candy every year right before Halloween).

Here are the pictures that you have been waiting for:
My Southern Belle
My princess.
The Estrella GPS. Yes, Micah has decided that Dora should no longer be using a map, so he offers himself to be the GPS for the price of a few Estrellas per location found.


The Lady Pirate. Isn't she perfect? It's kinda hard to take her seriously in the tutu, but she'd make you walk the plank. The high-pitched "ARRR!" is just perfect.

I never got a great picture of all of them together. They wouldn't hold still long enough.

This is the fun that they had tonight:
Yes, she can bounce in that dress.
Yes, the gloves help her bowl.Look in the back, that's the only picture I have of the back of Becca's head tonight. Her hair took forever and I didn't think to take good pictures. This is after a bounce or two...it's still holding. Hair spray was my friend.

Well, there you go, that was Halloween. Good times.

Halloween Costumes

I generally make the kids' costumes for Halloween. I just can't bring myself to spend $15-40 per kid on costumes in a store when I can make stuff myself for next to nothing. I tend to use items that can be used over and over for the costumes, or at least keep the costumes for the girls to play dress up.

This year, the girls changed their minds about what they wanted to be again and again until I put my foot down. Once I bought or gathered materials, there was no going back anyway.

To be fair, Zoe kept going back and forth between whatever the costume idea of the day was and her final decision. Even to the point of trying to make every idea part of her original idea, which was a lady pirate. When I suggested to the twins that they could dress up as a pair of dice, she said "yeah, I can be a dice lady pirate!"

Ali wanted to be a princess...she just kept changing what kind of princess she wanted to be. When I suggested the dice to her, she said, "okay, I'll be a dice princess!"

I gave up on the dice thing pretty much immediately. It was just a twin idea that I thought would be cute and easy.

Becca changed her mind constantly with no running theme. She wanted to be everything from a crayon to an evil queen. When I finally said no more changing your mind, she was the one who complained that she still wasn't sure.

Micah had his idea from the moment I first asked him. He knew what he wanted an how he was going to make it. He ended up doing it pretty much by himself, too. I love it that he's 9 and able to do stuff like that.

The final result:
Ali is a princess...she looks a bit ballerina, but it's a princess.
Zoe is a lady pirate. Complete with a high pitched "ARRR!" She's got a bit of ballerina in her costume too, but she said it's what lady pirates wear. She sounded so confident in that fact that I just let it go. Besides, tutus are really easy to make.
Becca is a southern belle. She's decided that it's a horrible costume, though, because she can't run in it. She fell so many times last night that I wished I had a video camera on me all the time so I could send it into AFV for a bit of money for her bruises. Poor kid.
Micah titles his costume "Estrellas" and I really can't explain it beyond a description that really doesn't do it justice. You'll have to wait for the pictures.

Last night we had a practice Halloween. We went trick or treating at my mom's work, and then Becca and I went to a Halloween party for GS.

I thought I got pictures, but when I looked this morning, I found that the CF card wasn't loaded in my camera. That's what I get for handing the camera to my mom without checking to make sure it's totally ready first.

So I have no pictures of the results, but I will Sunday night.

To be continued...

My Friends' Homestead

Today I went to visit my friend who is moving to a new property that she calls "the homestead." It's a place that isn't on any maps, has no running water, no electricity, no gas, and the building is currently being rebuilt. It's a project that is not without challenges.

I went there today with the twins because my friends asked me to take pictures down their well. I had no idea how to do this because there's really no light down there, so I researched and figured out some stuff to try.My day already started off bad for this project because my mag light wasn't working. I went to buy new batteries. That didn't work. The light bulb needs to be replaced. That's strike one.

I tried it with other flashlights and this is the result.
I realized that my light from above wasn't going to be helpful, so I went with just the lights that were lowered by the rope.
Well, it's a well established fact that there is water down there, but no matter how well the camera was braced, something was shaking too much for the 30 second exposure, and that was the only way to get enough light for the picture to show up at all.

I found myself without the right equipment to make it work. It was a shot in the dark (literally and figuratively) anyway.

So since I spent over an hour sitting on my knees in front of the tiny well trying to make something happen that really wasn't possible, we decided we needed a break. Besides, I heard the magic words "I need to go potty" out of the girls.

Did I mention that there are no bathroom facilities there?

Yup, I took the twins to pee in a bush. It's their first experience with that. Becca's first experience with that was at 2, so they were a little late in my book anyway.

Off we went to try and achieve this monumental task of peeing without a toilet. It's not easy for a girl anyway, but for a 4 year old girl, it's just horrible. "What's squat?" "Why can't we just use the potty?" "How do I make it come out if I'm not sitting?" "What do I do if I have to poop?" "I'm helping the flowers grow!"

It was a learning experience.

Then we went for a hike.
There was some climbing involved for the short ones.Overall, it was a fun time. It was a failed experiment with my camera, but we had fun seeing my friend's house.

Good Morning Sunshine!

This morning began as usual. My children came to my room to tell me that the sun is up and it's time for the day to begin. Every day it's the same thing. They come to my room, jump on me, I turn over and poke Tony, and he gets up and makes the kids breakfast while I spend some time waking up properly.

Tony gets up with the kids every morning. It's part of what makes him the most awesome husband ever. I think we both wake up about the same rate, but he gets up and gets the kids breakfast and sits at the computer to wake up the rest of the way. The kids get up at the crack of dawn, so he has time before getting everyone ready for school. I stay in bed, have my quiet time, sleep a bit more. It works for us.

As I was in bed for my quiet time this morning my phone rang. It was my friend (I won't name names to protect the innocent...but she has red hair) called me and asked if I would come out and pick her up and give her a ride to work. She was having car troubles. I wasn't busy. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal even though it's about a 25-30 minute drive to get to her house from mine. She works pretty close to me, and she was a friend in need. I got up and started to ready myself for this trip.

Micah decided that he wasn't going to get ready for school today. He wanted to wear the same pants. There was a hole in them that he really liked. He had told me about this hole over and over the day before, so I knew all about the hole. It was just in the knee. I told him that he had to change underwear, then I smelled the pants. I was so not letting him wear them again. It was not an option. Being the creative mom that I am, I asked if he wanted a hole in the new pants that he was going to wear. This worked. Micah stopped his fit and Tony put a hole in the pants inside on a seam where no one would ever know or care. This made it take a bit longer to get out the door, though.

Finally when Tony saw that he was running a bit too late to get both kids (2 schools) to school on time, he asked me to drop off Becca. Cool. I could do that. Becca doesn't like it, but she can get over it. She just likes to be with Daddy in the mornings. Mommy is chopped liver.

So I put 3 girls in the van and go. I dropped Becca off at the school, programmed my GPS and off we went.

We picked up my red haired friend with no problems. I really didn't know where the place was because I hadn't been there before, but that's what the GPS is for.

Yay! I could get my friend to work! About a mile or so into the drive I feel a bump bump bump...it's a flat tire.

No big deal, my friend has AAA. She calls and we wait. About 30 minutes later he arrives and tells me to drive the car on the rim so that we are on another street. Um, NO! I've driven that car on the rim before. It was the biggest bill I've ever had for repairs on a car. He says he'll call a tow truck to take me to somewhere to replace my tire. I tell him no thanks. I have a full size spare. He refuses to change the tire claiming that it's unsafe. I'm only pulled off to the side of the road. It's a residential area, and everyone can see. It's not like I was in the middle of the road!

I told him forget it, I'll change it myself. I got out my dinky little jack and started to change it. My friend gets on the phone and is complaining to AAA. I honestly don't care, I can change a tire with no problem.

That's what I thought anyway.

I start to work my jack. It's not anything fancy, just the dinky thing that came with the car. I get it going and then suddenly it gets stuck. Stuck? What good is a jack that won't make the car go up?

My friend starts messing with it and it's going no where, so it wasn't just me.

Along came a guy who was hanging signs. He's running for city council. I think I heard that come out of his mouth like 50 times while he tried to change my tire.

Halfway to getting my van up to change the tire, the jack breaks.

SUPER!

My friend gets on the phone to her mom to see if she has a jack. I get on the phone to try and get in touch with someone who might help.

No one can come.

The guy who was running for city council called someone. They came and we had a jack. He got the tire changed (though I'm sure I've changed more tires than he has, he didn't know that a hubcap doesn't go on a spare), and we thanked him. We got his card, though I don't think he got it in his head that I wouldn't be able to vote for him as I don't live in that city.

We finally got my friend to work. I sat and chatted with some friends there. I really should have been grocery shopping, but I was irritated, so I decided I'd go after lunch. The twins played while my friend worked and then we went to lunch.

We went to a restaurant where we often went, and we always have great service. They are really nice and great to the twins. The food is good, too. The problem was that when we were about to leave, a huge group came in and took all their attention. We ended up going up to the cashier because our bill never came to the table.

I dropped my friend off back at work then went to the grocery store. I was not alone. It's a Thursday afternoon, the day before the 15th when a lot of people get paid, but the store was packed. On top of that, there was a bunch of kids running around the store pushing things off the shelves. I tried to get out of there fast, but with the twins, that's not always possible.

I got into line and of course there was a lady who had every coupon on the planet, WIC (one of the most annoying government programs for the person who needs it because it takes so long at the check out), and happened to be the parent of the kids who were at that point getting kicked out of the store because the knocked over another person's cart. I'm so glad it wasn't mine because I probably would have hurt some kids after the day I was having.

I've had a beautiful day so far. Can you tell?

Can I start my day over?

A Girl Scout Message

Here's a video that was recently released by Girl Scouts.



I agree with most of this message, and yet it disturbs me. Question everything? I get the point about not following celebrities and the stuff you see on TV. I just don't know that I want my kids to hear "question everything".

The most annoying thing in parenting in my opinion is when I tell my child to do something and they ask "why?" I find myself saying "because I said so" too much. Why is that annoying? I have authority over my children. When I tell them to do something, they need to do it. After they have obeyed, I don't really mind explaining to them the reasons why I told them to do it, but I still expect obedience. Do I really want my children told to question me?

How does that translate to adult life? Authority is there for a reason. There's a speed limit, we are expected to obey it. When you are stopped by a policeman for speeding, you don't question him as to why there is a speed limit. You take your ticket and argue it after if you feel it's wrong. If you disagree with the speed limit, there are valid ways to get it changed, but the limit is still there and there are consequences if you ignore it.

While I would like my children to form opinions and think about the whys and hows of things, I still expect respect for authority. Should you question everything? Is it possible that there are things that you just won't ever understand and you just have to accept in faith? Of course, you won't know what those things are unless you question them first. How else do you know what to accept in faith and what is actually explainable.

Then there's the idea that no one should tell you what you should wear...hmmm...I have a problem with that. I tell my kids what they are allowed to wear. I should tell them how they should look. That's my job as a parent. I listen to God and my husband about what I should wear. It makes more sense to emphasize who you should listen to about how you should look.

If a doctor told you that your weight was so much of a problem that if you didn't diet, you would die, should you question him/her? Sure, get a second opinion, third opinion, whatever, but the reality is that the way you look affects your health. You can tell everyone that you like how you look and you are going to stay unhealthy, but it's going to make a difference in your lifespan.

On a smaller level, if your friend told you that you have something in your teeth, you would fix it, right? You might even get irritated if you had something in your teeth and no one told you, right? Sometimes what people tell you about how you look is a good thing. You just have to know who to listen to.

So, while I agree that it's a bad thing to listen to someone just because they are on TV, I'm still questioning this message. Of course, that's what they told me to do....

What's going on?

It's been a while since I really blogged about what is actually going on in my life. There has been a lot of stuff going on, so that's probably why. I'm just too busy to talk about my busy life. That and there are things that I really couldn't share on the internet until they were done, so I was really stuck.

Anyway, here goes.

Tony and I have left the church where we have been for the last 10 years. God has called us away, and since we have been gone (our last week was the last week of August) He has confirmed for us that this was from Him.

That was a really rough decision. It's hard to leave the normal and go to the unknown. God really didn't give us any direction besides "go" so we have been going. A church search is really not anything that I have ever done, so I sat down at my computer and researched. Honestly, if the church didn't have a website, I didn't know that they existed beyond those that we had already ruled out, so that's where our search began.

This was really frustrating. When we began the search, I felt my hands tied. I couldn't blog about it. I couldn't even talk to my friends about it. It was just Tony and me and God. I felt like if I couldn't talk about it soon, I was going to explode. Tony and I weren't able to get out and talk about it much, and we couldn't discuss it in front of the kids (they were confused enough already).

Now, we have a church where we have been attending for a while, and it looks like we are likely to join. I've been feeling unsettled, though, and it didn't help that I was hanging out with people from our old church on Saturday and people kept hinting that we should come back. It's really hard to just smile and not comment. Yesterday something happened, though. I'd had a conversation via text with one of my friends (who was actually one of the people who had made a comment, but she got the hint and let it drop), and she said some things that made me think. I told her that my family was all exited about this church, but I really wasn't. I just wanted a friend, and I don't make friends really easily, so I wanted my old friends. She basically told me to get over myself. Not like that, this person is unfailingly polite so she wouldn't put it that way, but that was the gist of what she said. I stopped and prayed. I prayed quite a bit that night and through to Sunday morning. I really wanted to be sure that my issues weren't just me being selfish and not wanting to change.

Sunday School hour Tony, my mom, and I have been meeting with the pastor. It's just something that this church does to let people know what they are getting into coming to the church. The question that came up had to do with our past churches. That conversation, that could have taken a few seconds had the pastor phrased his question any differently, took the whole hour. We let him know what we have been through with churches and our emotional roller coaster over the years. It was a good conversation. Afterward, I felt a lot better about staying. It's hard to be where you have a whole lot of history, but I think it was harder to try and stay where they knew nothing about us.

Then the evening came, and it was time for AWANA. Tony and I have never had our kids in AWANA and not been involved before, so has been really odd for us to just drop off our kids and not know what to do. It turned out to be a really good time. Tony and I have gotten to know a some awesome people. Some that I could easily see being really good friends with. I'd never had that before this Sunday there. For the first time, I'm actually at ease with being there. Tony has been happy with it there, and excited to join for a couple of weeks now. The kids are getting along really well, too. I really just needed to get over myself.

What else is going on?

I've started another project. Becca's Girl Scout troop needed a leader and I volunteered. It's been stressful, but it's really starting to work out. I have a lot of really great help, and while paperwork isn't usually my thing, and that's most of my job, I'm thinking I can handle it. The troop is getting smaller. I don't know if it's because of anything that I have done, but it actually needed to be smaller anyway. Last year it went from 9 girls at the beginning of the year to something like 55 at the end. It was huge and disorganized. Now we are getting the structure that we needed, and the girls aren't sticking around. We still have around 30 girls in our multi-level troop, but it's working out well.

What else?

My grandmother has been in and out of the hospital lately. She's currently in a rehab facility. She just got over pneumonia after a major surgery (colostomy) and still isn't walking. This has been stressful for my mom more than anyone else. My mom is going out to be with my grandmother every day. It's taking a lot out of her.

This affects me because my mom hasn't been around for Tony and I to go out at night after the kids go to bed as often. She usually made dinner, too. That's not happening anymore. It's been hard to learn how to cook without overheating myself. The kids miss their grandma, too. Still, my grandmother needs my mom more than I need her right now. We're all doing okay without her. It's not as easy, but that's okay.

Today my mom is off work, but relaxing during the day then going out to see my grandmother at her regular time. I'm trying my best to just let her rest and keeping the twins from disturbing her too much. My mom really needs it.

Even MORE?

Micah has begun a new behavior therapy. He has a behavior tutor that is coming out 5 hours a week to help him. He has begun to run away a lot, and they are going to be working with him on that as well as a bunch of other smaller goals.

I'm really happy about the therapy, but until the tutor is settled with him, that's 5 hours out of my week focusing on Micah as well. That's harder. I was hoping that it means that I'm going to have that time to focus more on my girls, but I guess it will be a while before they get to that point.

I think that's about it. I would talk about my craft projects that I am starting, but they are for family for Christmas. Since some of the family reads my blog, that isn't going to work. Other than that, there's the financial struggles that we are having (like everyone else on the planet), but no one wants to read about that and this blog is long enough already. Besides, God has it all under control anyway.

A Conversation with the Boss of the World

Becca has always thought that she is the boss of the world. It is usually a struggle to get her to do chores because she didn't make up those rules. She knows that she has to get through school to "rule the world for real" so she doesn't complain about homework going to school, but any activity that is my idea is usually a battle.

Today is no exception. Becca shares a room with the twins. She hates this idea. I know, it's something that every sibling that shares a room goes through, but to her, it's because I want to torture her and make her clean up after her sisters. Daddy is not at fault because she believes that Daddy wants her to have her own room, but I don't want to give up the phantom "extra space" that I am hiding somewhere. I asked the girls to go clean their room. This is a daily activity, so it seems like it should be expected, but apparently it's a shock to the girls every day.

When the girls clean the room all together, usually it means that Becca is yelling at the twins to pick up their stuff, then I have to go in and speak to Becca about her attitude. Daily. The twins don't listen to her when she's yelling anyway, so I don't know why she continues. Still, it's a conversation that ends in prayer every day.

Today was interesting. Becca (who is under the firm belief that I know very little and am only the boss because Daddy isn't in the room to tell me differently) finished the conversation with "Mom, you wouldn't understand! It's just so hard to be always right when no one listens to me!"

I would have laughed, but that doesn't help the attitude.

My response: "You're right, I wouldn't know that feeling, but I'm pretty sure you don't either."

There was a pause. A long pause. A pause in which she went to her room and cleaned without a word. Not a word to Ali and Zoe (who weren't doing anything but sitting and watching Becca-which they got in trouble for later, but that's a whole different subject). Nothing.

Becca came back to me after her room was clean, gave me a hug, and said, "Alright, I guess God is the only one who knows that feeling."

My child was humbled by God. Nothing I said was new to her. She has heard me state that I don't know everything before, so nothing I said made any difference to her.

It was bedtime, and I had another issue on my hands with Micah at that point, so I couldn't go into any further conversation with her on the subject, but I knew that the Holy Spirit was working in my daughter's life tonight. Cool, huh?

Becca and I pray together quite often these days. Our relationship is not the greatest still, but we are working on it. Honestly, I was at the end of my rope with her before she made a decision to follow Christ. I still have a bit of a power struggle, but I have brought out her Bible and shown her things and she frowns and obeys. Before I would hear things like "I don't like God, then." "I don't want to make God my boss if He is going to say things like that." It was really hard to watch. Now, Becca chooses to obey. It's not me she obeys, really, but she knows that God has my back so she's going to have to deal with me for a while.

VeggieTales...especially for girls

I know that I'm a little late with this post, but in case you haven't heard:

VeggieTales made a movie just for girls!

I know, I sound like a commercial. I do that a lot about the Veggies.

It's called Sweetpea Beauty, and it's really good.

My girls all loved it, and so has every other little girl that I've shown it to.

The point is simple: it's about beauty being something defined by God, not us. We put so many restrictions on beauty, but the reality is that God made us all beautiful, and beauty is not about appearance.

I love that they tied in several princess stories for this one...and they brought back the Snoodles! I love the Snoodles.

So, as hard as it is for me to get into the girly thing, and if you know me, you know that pink and I only go together when the pink is attached to my kid, I really like this movie. Every little girl should see this movie.

Okay, commercial over. You may now return to your regularly scheduled internet surfing.

Twins Birthday

The twins will be turning 4 soon. I can hardly believe it. It seems like just yesterday
My babies. They just aren't babies anymore. Can you tell which one is which in the picture above? I can! The one below is pretty easy. Their personalities are showing, and they are soooo different in that way.

This week we have been working on new "big girl chores" that they are really excited about. Ali is learning to load the dishwasher and Zoe is learning to wash the counters and pick up in the bathroom. They are both so excited. I miss that in my older two. The twins are growing up, and soon they will be complaining about the dishes instead of happily working on something new.

My twins really want to go to school. They love the idea of Kindergarten. When Micah and Becca have homework, the twins want their own. I give them some worksheets and they do them so happily. I miss that in my older two, too.... Still, I'm keeping them with me as long as I can. They can go to Kindergarten, but until then they are all mine!

At least the cuteness factor hasn't worn off. They are all adorable. I know I'm biased, but it's true.

I haven't decided what we are going to do for their birthday, but it will probably be at home with just family. I love 4. It's an exciting age...and it means that 3 is over. I'm not in love with 3, and will be so glad when it's over and I don't have to do it again. Still, getting past that means that soon the time will come when I have no one to hang out with while the other kids are at school. I don't know what I'll do with myself.

Ranting again...

First I need to say that I am really just ranting about something that I am irritated about. It doesn't excuse anything, because I know it's on the internet, so therefore it's permenant and public, so I'm not going to mention anything about who caused this particular rant, even if I know that this person probably will never read my blog. I just have a problem with people talking about others behind their back. That being said, I still love this person with all my heart, and I hold nothing against them just because we don't agree.

I just have to say it. Just because a child is to young to understand what they see, doesn't mean that it's okay for them to watch it. As a matter of fact, the fact that they don't understand what they see is a really good reason why they shouldn't see it.

I don't cuss around my kids and I tend to hang around people who won't cuss around them, either. I don't, as a rule cuss anyway, but this is especially true around my kids. Why? I don't want them to repeat things that they shouldn't...because they don't understand what they would be repeating (as well as a few other good reasons).

My kids aren't allowed to watch certain movies because I know that they won't understand them, and I don't want them to do or say something from the movie that would not be good.

My kids don't listen to much secular music, either. They don't understand certain themes, and they tend to memorize lyrics easily, and I don't want them singing certain songs that would be inappropriate. I don't think it's cute for a 3 year old to sing about kissing a boy or dating or something else that is not age appropriate. If any boy tried to kiss my 3 year olds, I'd have some serious talking to do...and a law suit if he drives a car.

Seriously, why do people think it's okay? If you numb them to reality starting at such a young age, what makes you think that they will act appropriately when the time comes that they actually think that they understand?

I watched Despicable Me with Tony one night after the kids were in bed. The room was full of kids. It's not a kid movie. If you watch the movie, you see the minions running around doing violent things to each other for a laugh. I know my kids. I know that they would be going home and start slapping each other or pretending to shoot each other with stuff. It's just not okay. There wasn't any language problems, and overall the theme wasn't bad. I actually enjoyed the movie. I'm just saying that my kids can't watch it.

Exposure to these things can be damaging. We have an entire generation of people who just want their kids out of the way, so they put anything that keeps them occupied in front of them no matter what it is in the name of "they don't understand, anyway."

Prisons are overcrowded, people! Don't raise your kid to live in one later! You want better for them, work on it! Kids aren't just there for cute pictures and entertainment! They are hard work! The work doesn't stop because they are old enough to watch TV!

I'm not saying that everyone should parent like I do, but don't expose my kid to that stuff or my kids will have limited or no exposure to you. I'm not hiding my kids from the world. They live in it every day. I just don't think that my 3 year olds should know how to fire a gun...I'll teach them when they are old enough.

Netflix and Cartoons

Recently we decided to add Netflix into our lives. We don't have cable or satellite or anything, but we like to watch movies, and the late fees for rentals were getting ridiculous, so Netflix was a good option for us. We still have all the control over what the kids watch, and the opportunity to budget better our rental fees.

We have a Wii, so we have been using the streaming option a lot. This allows you to watch on your TV several different movies or old television shows.

I'm starting to sound like a commercial. I don't mean to, I just want to make clear what I'm talking about before I explain what is happening in my house.

Because of the ease and availability, Tony has introduced several old cartoons into the lives of my children. I now have Becca asking to watch the Super Mario Super Show (a show that wasn't worth anything when it was on the air the first time, and now is worse) or Fat Albert. Ali is asking to watch Pink Panther shorts. Zoe asking for Tom and Jerry.

I sit and I watch, knowing how much physical comedy was in the old shows, and I start wondering why I am allowing my kids to watch them. Some are fine. I don't have any problem with Fat Albert, but Tom and Jerry and Pink Panther get pretty violent. I usually keep my kids from that kind of stuff. In the name of "classic cartoons" my kids are watching things that warped the minds of many in my generation. Not that cartoons are any better now. That's pretty much why we don't pay for TV.

I also think that Micah and Becca are mature enough to understand the difference between real and pretend, so I'm not terribly worried about them. It's really the twins that I am having issues with. My girls will be 4 next month, and they still have problems with that difference. Becca had it down by then, but I really pushed it hard for her because she really likes to watch TV. Ali and Zoe don't care as much about TV, so I really haven't pushed it that much. Not that they don't watch TV, but they don't get sucked in like Becca does. I literally have to turn of the TV to get her attention. Ali and Zoe watch, but they can be easily distracted from it. They would much rather play a game with a real person than watch the television. This makes it harder for me to get other things done sometimes, but I'm still glad. When Becca was little, if I needed a shower all I had to do was turn on the TV to a cartoon and I knew that she would be sitting there the whole time. With the twins, I have to get up before Tony leaves to shower or put food and TV in front of them and get in and out in 2 minutes or less or plan on cleaning up some mess.

Well, it looks like I'm going to stress the difference between real and pretend with them now. I talk with them about it some, but I've not been as diligent as I was with my older two. Until they get that concept, I'm going to go back to the 30 minute TV rule.

A week half off...and a birthday party...and stuff...

This week Micah and Becca are spending the week with Grammy and Grandpa so that they can go to VBS at their church. I'm not incredibly nervous, even though Micah hasn't ever spent more than a day away from home and me at the same time. Routine is a big deal for him, and this week should prove to be interesting. I haven't heard anything from my in-laws yet, so I assume all is well...but I'm ready to call any minute to find out what's going on. They are probably fine, but I'm doing that irrational mom worry thing.

Friday is Becca's birthday. Saturday we are having a party and we have invited a few of her friends. This is new for her. We don't usually invite more than family, but Becca really wanted her friends to come. I'm not having the party at home, either. That's something else that's new. We are having the party at Shakey's pizza. I'm told that parties are easier when you don't have to clean up afterward, and I'm hoping that's true. I know that they aren't real cheap that way, though. I don't have to cook, but I'm buying pizza. I still get to make her cake...but my oven isn't working. I pick up Micah and Becca from my in-law's house on Friday and I'm baking there.

This week is going to be fun if I can just stop stressing over things that might happen. All is really taken care of, but I feel a sense of urgency anyway. Not cool. I gotta learn to relax and trust.

I'm throwing a fit, you may not want to read this...

Have you ever asked God a question, got an answer you don't like, then have the nerve to ask again thinking that you just heard wrong?

That's kinda what I'm doing right now. I'm frustrated. God told me something that I don't like, and now I'm just going to have to do it. It's uncomfortable. It's hard. I don't like it. Now I'm having a hissy fit like a toddler about it.

I'm pretty sure that His blessing will come because of obedience, but I just don't want to do this thing. I can't even write what it is, so if I'm vague, it's on purpose. Sorry if I don't make sense. Do tantrums ever make sense anyway?

I complain about my kid's tantrums, but I'm sitting here doing the same thing. I'm arguing as though I know best, even though intellectually I know that I don't. I'm not using my brain right now, though. I'm throwing my tantrum.

Twice I've asked God this same question. Twice He's given me the same answer. Then I went to Tony and we asked together...same answer. I'm grumbling because I'm comfortable and I like where I am. Sure, there are difficult things going on where I am, but jumping out and doing the thing that He wants me to do will be harder. I know it already. I don't like it.

What is worse is that 2 years ago, if He had asked me to do this very thing, I would have been totally okay with it. If He asked me to do this thing a year ago, I may have grumbled a bit, but I would have been fine! But no, that wasn't the plan.

I should be excited. There are so many good things for my family that will come out of this. I know that already. I'm just being selfish. I'm comfortable, and I want to stay that way.

So friends, if you have any encouragement, please leave me a comment. I know that there are many verses in the Bible about this...they keep coming to mind, but I don't want to write them. I'm really not in the mood for acceptance at the moment. I know I have to be soon, though. It's never a good idea to disobey.

The Cross Hike

This is the story about my cross picture. We were hiking a well traveled path and came to a short-cut that looked like it cut out quite a bit of travel time, even though it was a bit rockier. It was a difficult short-cut. I slipped a few times and really should have gotten hurt. It was really a bad idea, even though it looked like a lot of people had done it before. On the way back down, I decided I had learned my lesson. Even though I needed a bathroom, my feet hurt, and I really wanted to get down the trail fast, I decided that staying on the path that we were supposed to be on was the best idea. We got down past a curve and we saw it. It was beautiful. I don’t think my pictures really did it justice because I didn’t really take the time (I did need a bathroom), but we realized something. If we didn’t go on the path that we were supposed to be on, we would have missed this cross.

It was so easy to be swayed to go on the rockier path. So many footprints were there. We knew that it was well traveled. It was steep, but we really wanted to get to the top of this mountain, and this route seemed so much faster. It was really convenient, and it seemed like a good idea until about halfway up when I began to slip. I realized that no matter how tempting, this path was dangerous.

We got to the top, and to tell you the truth, it was rather disappointing. We really had better views before the hike. Mostly the view was bad because of a huge cell phone tower that was right at the top. It made for great service on our phones (Tony and I both updated our Facebook), but I really wanted more than that. We hiked up there to get some good pictures, but it was pretty disappointing.

We began to go down and we debated going down the short cut. There were signs all over the bottom of the hiking path saying for us to stay on the regular path. We decided to obey. When we obeyed, we saw something that made the whole hike worth it.

If I had chosen to obey the first time, I would have had more time to enjoy the cross. I would have had a better picture, and I would have been able to share something with you that would have been much more beautiful. I still have a decent shot, but it could have been better.

When Tony and I were talking about this the rest of the hike down, he said, “What a great sermon illustration.” Can you see it?

Vacation!!!!

It's coming!

I'm going to go on vacation with my husband (just Tony and I) for a whole week. We are going to Colorado and the kids are staying home with my mom starting MONDAY!!!!!

Can you tell I'm excited?

It's partly because I haven't had a whole lot of time with Tony lately. It's funny. Our weeknights are filled most of the time with one event or another. We make time for each other, but baseball season isn't the best time for that. He umpires for Little League and that takes quite a bit of time. It doesn't bother me that much...except when I need something from him and he has a game. He enjoys it, though, and honestly, I think it's cool.

The other reason I'm excited is because we are going away for a week. We just haven't done that before. We didn't have a honeymoon because I had to be back to work Monday after we got married on Saturday. We have done a weekend before, and we had trips with the kids, but just the two of us is not something we've done.

We are going to Colorado. We are going white water rafting one day. I don't really have other plans. I know that there is stuff to do, so that's cool. Tony and I really looked into what there is to do, so we know what's around (though any suggestions are still welcome).

Our original plan for this vacation was Boston. That didn't work out. My mom is letting us use her timeshare thing, and the one in that area was booked...and we looked in January. So we looked and looked. Finally, after searching for quite some time, we decided on Colorado. I just hope it doesn't rain the whole time. The weather report (which I have been watching closely) says it will be partly cloudy or mostly sunny the whole time. Let's just hope that sticks, because there is a storm that is supposed to hit Friday and Saturday. The temperature is going to be in the high 60's, which is really cold to me (I'm a So Cal girl, I like the temperature at about 80-90), but I'll wear my winter gear and be fine. White water rafting will be done in wet suits, so that's no big deal.

I'm so excited!!! I love my kids, and that's why I need a vacation. Tony and I need to get away for a little while. We'll come back refreshed and ready to take on the summer...and the next 10 years.

Does this make me a bad parent?

Today, when Micah came home from school, Zoe picked a fight with him.

I let Micah kick her.

I'll clarify.

I still feel kinda bad, though.

Micah came home and didn't have any homework because this week is state testing. He's really been doing well, and I have no problems with his attitude coming from his teachers this week. He was happy when he walked in the door.

Zoe decided that she was going to follow Micah to his room. I don't usually intervene, because sometimes he lets the girls in, sometimes he doesn't. I leave that to him. It's his choice. When he doesn't want them in, he is allowed to tell them "get out of my room."

Zoe was in a particularly irritating mood (so was Ali) all day, and the girls have been mad at each other off and on all day. This made me watchful when Zoe went to play with her brother. I'm listening from the living room down the hall, and I hear, "NO, get out!" I got up. I went to the door and told Zoe to leave Micah's room. At this point, I know Micah is irritated, and I know Zoe is pestering him, and that really isn't a good combination. It's a brother-sister thing, ya know?

The next move was totally preventable. I could have stopped the whole thing before it happened. Zoe took a crayon from Micah, and I knew that that had to have been what irritated him before. Zoe wasn't listening to me or Micah, so there were going to be consequences. I decided at that point to allow Micah to defend his space. Micah took back the crayon and kicked his sister.

First, before you defenders of Zoe are outraged that I would allow my kid to harm another, I want to tell you that Micah doesn't hurt anyone when he strikes the first time. There are warning shots. Always. It's just how Micah operates. He has a routine, and this is definitely part of it. He is a peaceful kid. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. I know that. It's going through my mind that he isn't really going to hurt his sister at first. Especially since he isn't really in a bad mood to start with.

So I let him kick her. Just once. I then intervened and took Zoe out of Micah's room and took her to her time out on her bed. I explained all about how she is not allowed to just take things from Micah without asking, and that if she wants to go into Micah's room, she needs to ask. She continues her time-out after I have (without her really knowing) check out her leg where he kicked her for bruises or marks of any kind. None. Just as I thought. Warning shot.

Zoe's fine, Micah is calm once she is out of his room, and all is quiet in the house again. So...should I have intervened earlier? Should I let him fire off more than the warning shot? I'm still questioning myself. I just hope Zoe learned her lesson.

My Birthday

Today is my birthday.

Yay!

Today I turn 30. I know, this particular milestone bothers some people, but I'm actually excited about it. I figure that I should no longer be told things like, "you will understand when you are older" or "you're just a baby!"

Those things are condescending and basically rude, yet people still say them. I'm not in my 20's any more. I'm not a teenager. I haven't hit middle age, and I'm still pretty young, but I'm not a baby, either. I have experienced more in my life time than most 30 year-olds, so if everyone would just please give me a break! I look young, I am young, I will continue to be young for the rest of my life. I am not a child, so please, don't treat me like one.

Also, since I am on this subject, what is it about someone being young that makes people figure it's okay to be rude to them? If you expect children to learn manners, then please, teach by example! Don't look down on people just because they are young. Seriously, have you lived their life? Do you know what experiences they have had? There are many people out there who are a lot younger than I that have experienced things that I have not, and therefore I cannot do anything but respect them, especially on those subjects. Just because you have lived longer doesn't mean that you have experienced more.

Okay, I'll get off my soap box now.

Today I have heard "happy birthday" about a hundred times (Micah was a little obsessed this morning, plus many birthday wishes from friends), I visited the DMV to get my license renewed, had lunch with my mom, and now I'm about to go have some fun with my kiddos. I don't really have a plan, but I'm going to have fun. Turning 30 isn't a big deal, just like turning 18 and 21 really weren't, but I like my birthday. I plan on celebrating!

Choices

I have always given my kids choices. They are people with their own opinions, so I figure it's best to give them the opportunity to express those opinions. I tend to limit their choices, usually to two or three things, but they still get the chance to choose. The one thing that I pretty much give them free reign in is their clothes.

Let me clarify. Anything in their closets works as long as they are fully clothed and modest. Colors and style are their choice. The twins have almost all hand-me-downs, so they don't get to pick stuff out at the store much. Becca does, and Micah really doesn't care. Becca is pretty smart, and I can give her the amount that I am willing to spend, and she does pretty well in picking out things within the budget.

Ali and Zoe have been problems, though. Lately they have been taking everything out of their closet in order to find something that they want to wear. They are 3, not 13! On top of that, they want to change clothes 3 times a day.

Zoe is my princess. She wants to wear dresses at all times. Not just any dress, she wants to wear a dress that "twirls". It has to flow so that if she dances around, it will move with her. She has been known to shout, "princesses don't wear pants, they wear dresses!" and "I'm not a prince, I'm a princess!" when she doesn't get a dress that she likes.

Ali just wants to wear pink. It can be just about anything, as long as it's pink. It can be pants (most of the time, sometimes she just really wants to wear a dress and be a princess like Zoe), but it has to be pink, or at least have pink on it.

Well, after a huge mess first thing in the morning yesterday, I decided I had enough. I just don't want to deal with them taking out all their clothes anymore. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry without them making more work. I'd made them clean up their own mess in the past, and they didn't care. I'd taken away skirts, and that's really when Ali decided that she really didn't care if she had a skirt or dress or anything. I have laid out choices for them before even, and they got into their clothes after I go them dressed and they changed. Over and over they have done this, and I'm just done with the whole thing.

Yesterday I decided to go drastic. The twins no longer get their clothes in their room. I will make choices for them for the day and bring them to them. Maybe after a week or so I will bring them more than one thing to wear so that they get choices again, but they don't get the opportunity to change later.

So what do I do with their clothes? Right now they are in a couple of baskets in my room, but that has to change. I'm figuring that this is going to be a long term thing until my girls learn to keep their room clean and neat. I've already taken away all their toys and started to give some back a little at a time because they can't keep them cleaned up, but now it's the clothes.

My little tornadoes are going to be organized. They have been disasters all their lives and just relied on Becca to clean up after them...and for the most part Becca does it. Now Becca doesn't get the chance to help them out. Becca has tried to be an extra mommy to them all her life, and it's starting to stress her out. She does well to do her own chores and keep up with her school work...take care of the bunny, do her Awana work, Girl Scouts stuff...she's a busy girl. She has asked to help out with Micah sometimes, too. She likes to do homework with him, and it works to let them do it together so I let her. Still, she's a busy kid, and she wants to do more. She doesn't have to do the twins' stuff for them. Becca likes it when no one is in trouble, and the twins take advantage of that.

Ali and Zoe will not be disasters when they go to school. I have a little over a year before they start Kindergarten, and I'm getting them into shape before then. They are smart (poor kids are reading a little already...they are going to be so bored in Kindergarten), they just need to be more organized. I had to have that forced on me as an adult. I'd much rather have my kids learn it from the beginning.

I gotta say, this "no choices" thing is really hard for me. It just goes against how I parent. My kids get choices constantly. Well, not in everything. There are some things that are firm. Rules do exist in my house, and their choice to not follow the rules is not acceptable and they know that. Still, the idea of making lunch without asking my kids what they would like to eat is pretty foreign. I've found that my kids make pretty good choices when I ask them about stuff like that. They tend to ask for broccoli or carrots, and they fight for the opportunity to choose the vegetable that they want with dinner. Not that I'm taking away their choice in food, but the idea is there.

I know it won't hurt them to not choose their clothes for a while, but it goes against my mindset as a parent. Kids who make choices tend to know who they are. They are strong in their opinions and that helps them later in life. It makes parenting harder because their opinions don't always match the parents, but if we give them choices while teaching them right and wrong along the way, those kids can stand up for themselves when choices are more difficult as they grow into adults.

Let's see how this clothing thing goes. As long as I keep in mind that I am teaching them how to make right choices, I'll probably hold out. It's just never been this hard before.

Autism Awareness Month and April Fool's Day

Today is the start of Autism Awareness Month. It's also April Fool's day...hmm...

Micah has autism. He was officially diagnosed April 4, 2004. Yeah, that's 4-4-04. It wasn't 4 in the afternoon or anything, though. Micah was 2 1/2 years old, and I was totally in love with him then, and love him all the more now that I have gotten to know him a little better. He is extremely intelligent, stubborn as the day is long, sweet, loving, and obnoxious as an 8 year old can be, and a total people-pleaser. It's a fascinating combination that makes him special. Micah loves math, hates clipboards, loves reading, hates explaining himself, loves Cars (the movie...though mostly just the characters...it's something that he collects), hates loud noises...the list goes on and on. He's pretty plain about what he likes and definitely plain about what he doesn't like.

If the world relied totally on verbal communication, Micah would be in trouble. Micah only relies on speaking as a last resort, making my life hard until I learned how he wanted to communicate. I felt like a total fool when I finally worked it out. That's where the April Fool's connection comes in. I often feel like a total fool when working with my son. He has this look on his face when I ask a totally obvious question (mostly asking just to make sure he understands and is paying attention) that makes me feel like an idiot. Micah and I communicate pretty well now, but it took a lot of learning on both ends.

I think that most of Micah's communication comes from his drawing. He fills notebook after notebook, any sketchbook that I let him have, and any scrap of paper with drawings. It was through his drawings that I found out that he has a relationship with Christ. It was through his drawings that I found out that he actually listens to his teachers even though they think he is totally ignoring them. It was through his drawings that I found out who he considers to be his "friends" and how he defines the word. His pictures are a huge part of him.

Micah also knows music. He can hear when someone is just a little off, and it really bugs him when someone is really off. There was a bit of hum at our church during the whole service on Sunday and it really bugged him even though most people didn't even hear it. He can also copy a tune, and it's always correct. I haven't figured out how to use this more than singing him songs that help him through his routine, but I'm sure that one day we will figure out how to let him shine through music (or more likely he will figure out how to do it himself).

Computer stuff comes easily to Micah as well. He has hakked into my computer since he was 3, and I generally have to physically keep him from it if I don't want him to "fix" things. He memorizes websites that he sees and tries to go to them whenever he is online. It makes me freak out and watch closely, but so far it hasn't gotten him into a lot of trouble.

Micah's favorite store is Stater Brothers. He likes grocery shopping a lot...as long as he can pick out some fresh fruit. He's not really a health nut, but he does like healthy food. His favorite place to eat out used to be Souplantation, but he's broadening his horizons a bit lately.

Micah is very much into maps. He loves to make plans for trips on whatever map that he has at the time. His trip to Michigan is totally planned out, he just needs his share of the money to go. I think he has just about every minute of a weekend vacation planned there. This can be totally annoying or totally mind-blowing, depending on how you look at it. When he gets this topic on his brain, he doesn't let it go, and that's really annoying sometimes. On the other hand, just the fact that he knows where he wants to fly into in Michigan, what hotel he wants to stay at, where a place is that will take him on an airplane tour of the Great Lakes, where he can rent a boat to go sailing...and just about everything else there is to know about the trip, it's really mind-blowing.

So that's my kid who happens to have autism. There. You are aware. Still, if you've met one person with autism, you've really just met one person with autism. It affects people in different ways, and judging someone based upon the word autism is just as bad as judging them by their skin color or where they live. Individuality makes a difference to Micah, and he busts out of any box that people try to put him in. He's really an awesome kid and a total blessing. If you judge him by a label, you really have been fooled.

School and Being Off Track

I just realized how long it's been since I blogged. Probably because the kids are off track, and then before that there was all the IEP stuff going on.

Let me start with the IEP. Micah was having trouble at school. It started with the bus. His route had changed a in January, and he was basically on the bus for an hour to an hour and a half every day. That made him mad. It would irritate anyone, really. It takes me about 20 minutes to get home when I am able to pick up Micah from school, so I'm not expecting a really short time, but an hour and a half is just ridiculous.

Of course, that really was just the start of it. He started to hate going to school. He would wake up every morning and tantrum immediately, saying that he was sick and didn't want to go to school. It got to the point where Tony or I had to physically put him inside the classroom in order to get him in there. Once there, it depended on the day whether or not he would actually calm down and do work.

He really isn't able to get individual attention in this class. There is a teacher, an aide, and 18 students, all of which have a language disorder of some kind. Micah doesn't like being ignored.

All of this led up to calling an IEP. I was actually in the process of getting kids ready to drop off the paperwork to request the meeting when a phone call came from Micah's teacher telling me that a meeting was being set up. Funny timing. Anyway, the meeting was set up for the last day of school before going off track. I got my paperwork together with assessments from Micah's at home behavior therapist and all of the notes that I had taken about Micah's bus behavior. I was all hyped up and ready to ask for a bunch of assessments done so that the process could be started to get him a one to one aid. This is something that I have asked for in almost every IEP since he started in preschool. I was always told that he just wasn't that low functioning to get his own aid. HA!

My son isn't low functioning in a lot of ways. Seriously. He's remarkably intelligent, he speaks (mostly in rote sentences, but he gets his point across most of the time), and he does very well with an established routine. Still, when Micah is irritated, all of that is just gone. The problem lately is that Micah starts his day irritated, and it's hard to get him out of that attitude when he is there. Where the one to one aid comes in is that Micah will be getting all the attention that he wants, and there won't be a huge distraction from the rest of the class to make that happen. It also means that there will be someone there to make sure that he doesn't get out of doing work when he is behaving inappropriately.

So the Friday that was the last day of school, I went in expecting a bit of a fight. Why? The school district doesn't like to part with money for this kind of thing. To my surprise, when I went to the meeting, I wasn't the one to bring up the idea of a one on one aid. As a matter of fact, they already had the assessments done and just needed me to sign off on the idea.

I was blown away.

I took a look at Micah's assessments and saw that they were missing the point of Micah's tantrums, though. They thought he was just trying to get out of work. It's probably true that Micah liked getting out of work, but I really think that was a secondary purpose. The way that they described his behavior was screaming "give me attention!" The final straw, I guess, was when Micah decided to run out of the classroom and ended up spending the entire day with the principal just to keep him calm...he was doing work for her in her office, though. Does that sound like someone who just wanted to get out of work to you?

Anyway, I signed off on the aide, had them add the purpose of the tantrums (which made the teacher say, "that makes so much more sense now!" even though the others didn't necessarily agree with me) to the assessment, and then we went to the other problem.

When they called the IEP, I suggested that since one of Micah's major problems was the bus, someone from transportation who could do something about it, as well as the bus driver, who had to deal with it, should be at the meeting. I didn't think it would actually happen, but it was worth it so that things could actually be arranged immediately instead of someone saying that they would call and ask about it. When I got to the meeting and saw that they were actually there, it was a good sign right away. I got it arranged that his bus route home would be changed that afternoon. Instead of an hour to an hour and a half, it only took 35 minutes for Micah to get home. Now was that so hard?

Ok, so you see my excitement when I talk about how great of an IEP I had? I got what I asked for, and almost without asking for it.

So that was my awesome IEP, then the kids went off track. They are excited because neither Micah nor Becca were assigned any homework for while they were off. Life without the big responsibilities that usually rule their days was something for them to look forward to. The thing is, for me, that means that I have to come up with things to keep them from getting bored. Besides the obligatory appointments that come when they are off track (it's so much easier to deal with dentists and doctors during this time), there really isn't much to do. Of course, a lot of their friends are not off track right now, so they can't just do play dates and that sort of thing, so I have to come up with stuff on our own. No biggie, but Micah just doesn't do well with down time. They do deserve a break, however. There is a balance to be achieved.

I am apparently failing. The kids are bored. It's not good. They are driving me nuts. I have to figure out more stuff to do.

Chores - The Final Chapter

Just wanted to wrap up the whole irritating lady incident.

The finale was very amusing, though probably shouldn't have been. The lady who has been bugging me and other parents with her rude comments (I'm not the only one, she's been judgmental towards many parents, apparently) finally stepped on the wrong person's toes.

I was picking up Becca, and I was really early this time. I parked and waited for a while. About 20 minutes before the bell was going to ring to release the students, I saw her. I was pretty much avoiding her, and I have been for a while, so I was just praying that she didn't approach me again.

She apparently had someone else on her mind today.

She approached another mom. She said something to that mom to the affect of "you need to bathe your kid more often." That mom did not appreciate her at all. Irritating woman decided not to stop the insults in front of everyone, so the other mom slapped her.

I laughed. I feel bad about it now, but really, the lady deserved it. It ended up being a big deal and the sheriff was called and everything. Still, everything was taken care of rather efficiently because by the time the kids were released, the women were both out of the picture. That was nice. Other moms around me were pleased to see the whole scene, too, and so there is definitely some history with this woman and several other moms. I do my best to avoid other parents for the most part, so I really didn't know the extent of this woman's problem.

I feel bad for her. I don't know if there is something wrong with her or what. Hopefully whatever her problems are, they will be addressed now that it's gotten too far.

Messy girls

My kids come by it honestly. They are generally a big mess, but then so is their mother. They were playing outside on the front porch where I can see them while I was taking care of a few chores. I looked away for a little bit while I was putting laundry away. I came back as my mom came home from work and asked the girls in her "scary voice" "what are you doing?"

I come back and laugh. I guess I have more laundry to do. Not to mention hosing off some muddy little girls. Before they leave the mud, though, I have to take a few pictures.One day I will embarrass my offspring with pictures like this. It' going to be awesome. Notice Becca in the background of these pictures just laughing at them. It's entirely possible that she put them up to this, but I couldn't prove it.

Sleepovers

Today Becca is going to spend the weekend with her Grammy. Ali and Zoe are terribly jealous. It didn't help that Becca accidentally woke up Ali this morning with questions about when and how Grammy will get her, and then rubbed it in a bit. If Becca hadn't worked to hard to earn this weekend, I would have taken it away from her for the attitude this morning.

I consoled Ali with telling her that Daddy was going to take her somewhere special. Becca then went to her Daddy and asked him where he was taking the twins tomorrow, and he told her that he would be taking them to Micah's first baseball practice. Tony had no idea what was going on, so he really can't be blamed. Becca came back gloating that Ali and Zoe were just going to Micah's practice, and that they went there all the time.

Grr.

At this point Ali is bawling and asking why Grammy doesn't want her over. I'm trying to explain that it's just for the weekend and that Grammy loves her and wants her to come over when it's her turn.

Then Zoe starts crying. Same thing. At this point I'm just irritated at Becca. She sees this and starts to apologize to the girls. She doesn't know what to say to make them feel better, though.

Finally they are distracted by breakfast. I'm busy thinking of how I'm going to make this weekend special for the other kids. The problem is that I'm busy most of Saturday, and the kids are going to be with Tony. I'm pretty sure Tony can do something cool with them, though. Saturday evening for dinner, Tony and I will be out and the Micah and the twins will be with my mom, and I'm sure my mom will make that fun if Tony doesn't come up with something.

Micah's totally fine because he gets to start baseball this weekend. That is going to make his weekend great. Anything more than that for him is just icing. He used to care when Becca got to go to Grammy and Grandpa's house, but he really doesn't anymore. He just likes it when there are fewer people in the house so it is quieter.

Tony came in the door from dropping off Micah and Becca at school and started playing with the girls. He has them happy again, and I know that they will have fun with him tomorrow.

Chores Part 2

Today I wish I was late to pick up my daughter from school instead of early.

I found out who was feeding my kid all the crap about not having to do chores. She actually had the nerve to come up to me and address the matter. She said that children weren't to be raised for "little maids" and that I was being cruel to my daughter. She ended the whole tirade by telling me that she was going to call CPS. I laughed. I shouldn't have, but I did. Honestly, if CPS took that call, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't even bother to come out to check it out. I would welcome them anyway. They wouldn't be doing anything that isn't done on a yearly basis for my son, anyhow. They come in, see that nothing is wrong with my home, see the chore charts or whatever method I am using to motivate my kids at the time and see that they are wasting their time.

I don't know if I should complain to the school, or if it would do any good anyway. This lady is a parent volunteer and pretty active at the school. Still, she's just a volunteer.

I drove away from the lady without really answering her, which probably made her mad, but nothing that would come out of my mouth at that moment would have been good.

I went home to set my daughter down with her snack and her homework...then I would have followed it by chores except I got a phone call. Completely unrelated, but it required me packing up the girls into the car and going to Micah's school.

Micah hates the bus. I really don't blame him. His school gets out at basically the same time as Becca's (I think there's a 3 minute difference). I have to pick up Becca, so he rides the bus. The problem is that Micah sits and waits for the bus to get there for 15 minutes, then has an hour long ride home. No one should have to be tortured that long. He isn't allowed to bring a game system to play on the drive. He just has to sit there. He finally decided that enough was enough today and refused to get on the bus.

I am already not in the best of moods, and this is not making it better. I get to the school, which is a 15 minute drive for me, and there I find him in the office. I get the teacher to come to the office to talk to me...not that I'm incredibly easy to talk to at this point, but I do need to know the specifics so that I can address them. I try to be as nice as possible, and the teacher is really apologetic. She knows that Micah is probably going to be worse from now on because she called me...she still had to. Now my son knows that all he has to do to not get on the bus is to frustrate his teacher. Ok, at least she gets it, but it really isn't doing her any good if she doesn't act on it.

So, that was my day. Aren't I just the best parent ever? It's been confirmed over and over today. Oh, yeah, and because of this whole mess, the twins missed their nap, so they are going to have a super evening. I think I'm going to go tenderize some steak...

Chores

I am not a bad parent because my kids do chores.

Someone is feeding my kid this garbage at school. Becca seems to think that she is just too young to have any responsibility all of a sudden. Well, it isn't really all of a sudden, she just is more adamant about it suddenly.

"None of my friends have to do chores"
"I'm only 6, too young to have to clean anything"
"I don't get anything for working! Can't I at least get an allowance?"

Complain, complain, complain...

No, I don't give her an allowance, but I don't make her pay for her tennis lessons (or whatever whim she comes up with that I have to pay for). I don't give her the option of having money because I know what she wants to spend it on. The ice cream guy, cheap toys that she won't play with more than once, etc. One day we will probably work on that, but for now, we work in a points system. It gives me a bit more freedom with the money, and controls Becca's spending. It works for us.

As for her being too young, that's absolutely ridiculous. She knows it, too. The twins have chores. All of my kids have had some sort of chore (even if it was just picking up after themselves) since they have been able to get around. Yes, that means crawling. I taught my kids to put their own toys away when they were done with them as soon as they could get a toy to the container. It didn't seem to stick as well with the twins, but we're still working on it. They are 3...and really good at being 3.

Why such high expectations? I refuse to be one of those moms who have to do everything for their kids. I do a lot. Really. Part of that doing for them is to teach them how to be responsible human beings. That means, yes, Micah can do his own laundry. Becca is learning how to do her own, too. She pretty much has it, I just observe her doing it.

Whoever is feeding my kid the line that she shouldn't have to clean up after herself needs to stop. It's messing up Becca's attitude and getting her in trouble. My expectations may be different for my kid's than you have for yours, but that doesn't make either one of us wrong. It just makes us different. If I expected my kid to do all of the house work (I'd probably have a really dirty house), then that would be wrong. She is only 6...still, if I expect her to clean up after herself, empty the dishwasher, and do her own laundry (well, some of it. I'm not completely unreasonable) before she goes out and plays, then what's the big deal? I'm teaching my child to be responsible. Poor girl. Maybe she will grow up and be a responsible adult. Who knows what might happen if there are more of those around?

Ok, I'll leave my soap box now.

Michigan

Micah has a new obsession. He is constantly asking to go get on a plane and fly to Michigan to see the Great Lakes.

My response? I had no idea what to say at first. His plan was quite well developed. He told me that he needed to get to the airport, then get on a plane where he would travel to Colorado, where he would have a layover (who told him about layovers?). From there he would get on another plane, which would take him to Lansing.

So...if your 8 year old came to you with this plan, what would you say? No? I tried that. He's not easily swayed to drop it when an obsession begins. I didn't know how far this obsession would go, though.

My next thought was to let him find out how much it would cost. We went to the computer and started looking up airplane tickets. He's pretty good with money, and knows when something is out of reach. Well, that put him off for that day. There were no tickets available to fly to Michigan that day, and there were none by way of Denver that we could find at all. He didn't drop the idea of a layover, he just said that he needed to fly to Denver and stay overnight.

Since this was starting to be quite the learning experience, I started to reward Micah with computer time to google Michigan so he could plan what he wanted to do there. So far, he has found an airplane tour of the Great Lakes, and he's trying to find where the best place to take a sailboat out, and how much that would cost.

The bill is really adding up. Still, he knows that if he is actually going to go, he has to earn the money himself. That is something that I am making really clear.

So we have started a Michigan fund. Micah hasn't come up with a total amount yet, so we are waiting for it. He has said that he doesn't want to take the girls, though. That means that he will probably only have to take one parent, which will keep his total down. He hasn't decided if he wants Mom or Dad.

Am I feeding the obsession? Sure. I figure it will take him a while to raise the money, though. I'm hoping that he eventually drops it, but if he doesn't, it's not going to break my heart to go to Michigan...or send Tony.

So, what next? What else can we learn about Michigan that would help Micah plan his trip? I don't want to run out of ideas. Maybe weather stuff? He's working on activities that he wants to do. He should probably start looking at when he wants to go, right?

I'm still working it out. We probably will have charts everywhere before the end of this. I am open to ideas if you have any.

This isn't Micah's first obsession, but it is the first that he has come up with on his own. He studies maps all the time, and this just came up. I'm not sure why, except when we were talking about states looking at his map of the US, he attached himself to the Great Lakes. I have tried to get him hooked on space, and that worked for a while...about a year. We did a little while being obsessed with Sea World and the animals there. Maps are the newest, and while I introduced him to them, the obsession was his own. He still likes to talk about states and capitols, and he knows the maps to Disneyland and Sea World like the back of his hand. Michigan is just an extension of that map obsession.

I really like the obsessions. It's probably one of my favorite parts of Micah's autism. It's a great tool for motivation, and when you use them right, they are great learning tools. It can get annoying, especially when Micah wants to go to the airport right now. Still, it's fun to see Micah get so excited about learning something. Overall, no matter how annoying it can be, it's still good for him in the end.

The Autism Card

I had an incident that got me thinking on Monday. It's really taken me this long to process the whole thing in my brain so that I don't come out and slam (albeit anonymously) this lady on my blog. I think I'm ok now, though.

Monday was a lot of fun. I just want to start there. The situation didn't ruin my day, it just sent me thinking...and I really want to get over it. One of my friends (who is a supermom) invited us to come with her and her kids to this place that is basically an indoor bouncy playground. They have inflatable bounce houses and a rock climbing wall and all kinds of fun for indoors. We ended up with 9 kids and 3 adults bouncing around this place. That seems pretty chaotic, but it really wasn't. It was a great group of kids, and there really weren't any behavior problems (except for Micah going around asking random adults for money...yeah...). Ok, there was a bit of drama between a mom who didn't know what she was talking about and few of the older kids in our group, but it really wasn't a big deal.

My problem ended up being when a little boy repeatedly kicked Ali in the face...on purpose. Not happening. I remove my daughter and the parent comes to me and says "sorry, my son suffers from mild autism and can't control himself."

I couldn't believe it. Someone actually tried to play the autism card on me. She gave the child no reprimand, he went on his way, and she figured that it would totally be fine with me if her kid kicked mine because he has autism.

HA!

I think the funniest part about the whole thing is how calm I am. I'm not screaming at her that if her child can't control himself and randomly kicks kids half his size that he shouldn't be taken out in public. I'm not screaming at her that since her child doesn't naturally understand social situations and what is appropriate, that makes it her job to teach him. I'm not doing this at all. I'm just calm. I'm listening.

I'm so not myself.

She goes on about how hard her life is because her son puts her into bad situations and how rough it was to go through the diagnosis.

Then Micah comes to see me. I introduce my son, who also has autism. I begin to talk about him, and this lady's jaw drops. She just has no idea.

I'm not complaining along with her...though I could. I'm not giving advice about how I dealt with similar situations...though I could. I just talk about Micah. I love my son. I don't ever regret him. This lady seemed to have so many regrets. I feel so sorry for her. She just didn't know what she was missing.

Now, I don't want to judge. She probably loves her son tremendously. It could have been a bad day for her. We all have them. It's just way too easy to slip into a pity party if you let yourself. She ended up leaving the place soon after our talk (which was nice because I found myself watching her kid more than mine...safety stuff, ya know?) and she seemed pretty defeated.

I'm finding myself thinking of all of the things that I could have said to her, but I didn't. I don't think I could have said anything that would have made her change her mind about parenting, so those words I really don't regret not voicing. I just wish I could have been more of an encouragement to her.

On the other hand, where is that lioness protecting her cubs? Why am I not furious? Well, Ali just shook the whole thing off, so it was hard to get too upset. The kid apparently didn't kick her too hard, or she didn't care that much. She cried for less than 30 seconds. It's hard for me to get worked up over that, especially since I was in shock over the mother's excuse for her kid.

Hopefully now that I have blogged about it, I can get over the whole thing. I'm tired of it being stuck in my head.

If you like to talk to office supplies...if a Broadway song can make you smile...

This is from the new VeggieTales video that is coming out in February. I thought it was fun.

Questionable Parenting?

There comes a point in every mother's life where she questions her parenting skills. I'm guessing that for most women, the breaking point (if it hasn't come before) is the age of 3.

Ok, that's really just my theory, but if you're a mom, and you've never questioned your abilities, just humor me for a minute.

My questioning has come this week.

I know, I'm Supermommie! There is no way that I can't handle this stuff...right?

If I dared snap pictures of my twin's newest haircuts, you would understand my questioning. Why? Why do my children repeatedly do the things that I know that I have explained (with much discipline) are wrong?

My girls just don't want hair.

They don't want toys, either.

This week they have been grounded from many of their toys because they refused to clean up after themselves. I told them that in order for them to get their toys back, they would have to keep their room clean constantly. Of course, this should be easy with no (or few) toys to clean up, right? NO! Laundry beside the hamper! Digging through drawers to find the outfit that they want then leaving the discarded clothes everywhere! What do I do next? Ground them from clothes? I discovered that my lovely Becca just needed to be threatened with my choosing her clothes for her every day. Still, Ali and Zoe just don't care. They just throw a fit (though that gets them no where) and decide to make Mommy miserable. I'm ready to take away all their dresses (though Ali really doesn't care).

So...do I give my kids way too much freedom? I know, my 3-year-olds pick out their own clothes, but it gives them independence in something small and controllable. I don't over-structure their days in the mornings because we get a lot of structure when their brother comes home from school. I want to let them have some time to just be themselves, though the good teaching times come during that part of the day. For example, we are learning to tell time (on a digital clock) right now because they wanted to know when they could have a snack. They know their numbers, I was busy, so I gave them a time to look for on the clock. Great fun, made the waiting easier, and they learned a little bit in the process. Teaching for us is in the small stuff.

Still, I give them a lot of choices. I wonder if I give them too many. I mean, whenever they have a choice in something, it is limited (i.e. pb&J or grilled cheese?), but they really do get choices all day long...until their brother gets home, anyway....then we have the schedule.

I wonder if all those choices are making them think that they are in charge a little too much. I also wonder if I could even change my habits if I tried. My daughters are smart, opinionated, and slightly manipulative. The last part doesn't always work on me, but still, it's there. I just feel that if they give me a reasonable argument (without whining, I hate whining) that there is no real reason why I can't compromise a little. Not on the important stuff like brushing your teeth and eating right, but then I don't think that they would be able to give me a reasonable argument to get out of that stuff.

Generally my problems don't come about when I am talking to them anyway...it's when they sneak around behind my back and paint with peanut butter or find scissors that Micah had in his art kit that I didn't know he had and play beauty salon...not for the first time....

Why didn't I know about the scissors? It's not the first time this has happened! At some point I'm just being the questionable parent!

I could keep complaining, or I could just start a count down for when the twins finally get out of the evil age of 3....