There comes a point in every mother's life where she questions her parenting skills. I'm guessing that for most women, the breaking point (if it hasn't come before) is the age of 3.
Ok, that's really just my theory, but if you're a mom, and you've never questioned your abilities, just humor me for a minute.
My questioning has come this week.
I know, I'm Supermommie! There is no way that I can't handle this stuff...right?
If I dared snap pictures of my twin's newest haircuts, you would understand my questioning. Why? Why do my children repeatedly do the things that I know that I have explained (with much discipline) are wrong?
My girls just don't want hair.
They don't want toys, either.
This week they have been grounded from many of their toys because they refused to clean up after themselves. I told them that in order for them to get their toys back, they would have to keep their room clean constantly. Of course, this should be easy with no (or few) toys to clean up, right? NO! Laundry beside the hamper! Digging through drawers to find the outfit that they want then leaving the discarded clothes everywhere! What do I do next? Ground them from clothes? I discovered that my lovely Becca just needed to be threatened with my choosing her clothes for her every day. Still, Ali and Zoe just don't care. They just throw a fit (though that gets them no where) and decide to make Mommy miserable. I'm ready to take away all their dresses (though Ali really doesn't care).
So...do I give my kids way too much freedom? I know, my 3-year-olds pick out their own clothes, but it gives them independence in something small and controllable. I don't over-structure their days in the mornings because we get a lot of structure when their brother comes home from school. I want to let them have some time to just be themselves, though the good teaching times come during that part of the day. For example, we are learning to tell time (on a digital clock) right now because they wanted to know when they could have a snack. They know their numbers, I was busy, so I gave them a time to look for on the clock. Great fun, made the waiting easier, and they learned a little bit in the process. Teaching for us is in the small stuff.
Still, I give them a lot of choices. I wonder if I give them too many. I mean, whenever they have a choice in something, it is limited (i.e. pb&J or grilled cheese?), but they really do get choices all day long...until their brother gets home, anyway....then we have the schedule.
I wonder if all those choices are making them think that they are in charge a little too much. I also wonder if I could even change my habits if I tried. My daughters are smart, opinionated, and slightly manipulative. The last part doesn't always work on me, but still, it's there. I just feel that if they give me a reasonable argument (without whining, I hate whining) that there is no real reason why I can't compromise a little. Not on the important stuff like brushing your teeth and eating right, but then I don't think that they would be able to give me a reasonable argument to get out of that stuff.
Generally my problems don't come about when I am talking to them anyway...it's when they sneak around behind my back and paint with peanut butter or find scissors that Micah had in his art kit that I didn't know he had and play beauty salon...not for the first time....
Why didn't I know about the scissors? It's not the first time this has happened! At some point I'm just being the questionable parent!
I could keep complaining, or I could just start a count down for when the twins finally get out of the evil age of 3....
2 comments:
All the parents I know say three is the worst age. (I don't know, personally, my twins have been making me crazy since two and my memory is not good enough to compare ages).
This morning I had the opportunity to observe a set of twins that are about a year younger than my girls (I think they are either almost 4 or 4)...and it was amazing. They had that same twin-ness in behavior that my girls have. That extra...wildness (I can't come up with a better word..) that my girls seem to have over other singleton kids.
Anyway, I feel like a crappy mom to my twins about 95 % of the time - and am surprised every day how much easier it is to deal with my youngest.
I think choices are good - it's good for them to have control within their own rules/limitation. I let my girls dress themselves and have input into their meals, too.
That was pretty ramble-y. Hope it made sense :)
I found your blog really interesting. Before we had Jaden, our pastor gave us some parenting videos called "Growing Kids God's Way" by Gary Ezzo. They were pretty long and hard to get through (just because he wasn't a great speaker) but there were some interesting ideas in there that your blog made me think of. He addresses the idea of how many choices are too many and why, and he also addresses the idea of an "appeal" to the parent (like when your girls come up with a reasonable argument) and tips for dealing with that. I didn't always agree with his parenting advice, but for the most part I think he had some really good ideas. If you are interested, I could probably borrow those episodes for you, or just try to recall his thoughts.
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