Choices

I have always given my kids choices. They are people with their own opinions, so I figure it's best to give them the opportunity to express those opinions. I tend to limit their choices, usually to two or three things, but they still get the chance to choose. The one thing that I pretty much give them free reign in is their clothes.

Let me clarify. Anything in their closets works as long as they are fully clothed and modest. Colors and style are their choice. The twins have almost all hand-me-downs, so they don't get to pick stuff out at the store much. Becca does, and Micah really doesn't care. Becca is pretty smart, and I can give her the amount that I am willing to spend, and she does pretty well in picking out things within the budget.

Ali and Zoe have been problems, though. Lately they have been taking everything out of their closet in order to find something that they want to wear. They are 3, not 13! On top of that, they want to change clothes 3 times a day.

Zoe is my princess. She wants to wear dresses at all times. Not just any dress, she wants to wear a dress that "twirls". It has to flow so that if she dances around, it will move with her. She has been known to shout, "princesses don't wear pants, they wear dresses!" and "I'm not a prince, I'm a princess!" when she doesn't get a dress that she likes.

Ali just wants to wear pink. It can be just about anything, as long as it's pink. It can be pants (most of the time, sometimes she just really wants to wear a dress and be a princess like Zoe), but it has to be pink, or at least have pink on it.

Well, after a huge mess first thing in the morning yesterday, I decided I had enough. I just don't want to deal with them taking out all their clothes anymore. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry without them making more work. I'd made them clean up their own mess in the past, and they didn't care. I'd taken away skirts, and that's really when Ali decided that she really didn't care if she had a skirt or dress or anything. I have laid out choices for them before even, and they got into their clothes after I go them dressed and they changed. Over and over they have done this, and I'm just done with the whole thing.

Yesterday I decided to go drastic. The twins no longer get their clothes in their room. I will make choices for them for the day and bring them to them. Maybe after a week or so I will bring them more than one thing to wear so that they get choices again, but they don't get the opportunity to change later.

So what do I do with their clothes? Right now they are in a couple of baskets in my room, but that has to change. I'm figuring that this is going to be a long term thing until my girls learn to keep their room clean and neat. I've already taken away all their toys and started to give some back a little at a time because they can't keep them cleaned up, but now it's the clothes.

My little tornadoes are going to be organized. They have been disasters all their lives and just relied on Becca to clean up after them...and for the most part Becca does it. Now Becca doesn't get the chance to help them out. Becca has tried to be an extra mommy to them all her life, and it's starting to stress her out. She does well to do her own chores and keep up with her school work...take care of the bunny, do her Awana work, Girl Scouts stuff...she's a busy girl. She has asked to help out with Micah sometimes, too. She likes to do homework with him, and it works to let them do it together so I let her. Still, she's a busy kid, and she wants to do more. She doesn't have to do the twins' stuff for them. Becca likes it when no one is in trouble, and the twins take advantage of that.

Ali and Zoe will not be disasters when they go to school. I have a little over a year before they start Kindergarten, and I'm getting them into shape before then. They are smart (poor kids are reading a little already...they are going to be so bored in Kindergarten), they just need to be more organized. I had to have that forced on me as an adult. I'd much rather have my kids learn it from the beginning.

I gotta say, this "no choices" thing is really hard for me. It just goes against how I parent. My kids get choices constantly. Well, not in everything. There are some things that are firm. Rules do exist in my house, and their choice to not follow the rules is not acceptable and they know that. Still, the idea of making lunch without asking my kids what they would like to eat is pretty foreign. I've found that my kids make pretty good choices when I ask them about stuff like that. They tend to ask for broccoli or carrots, and they fight for the opportunity to choose the vegetable that they want with dinner. Not that I'm taking away their choice in food, but the idea is there.

I know it won't hurt them to not choose their clothes for a while, but it goes against my mindset as a parent. Kids who make choices tend to know who they are. They are strong in their opinions and that helps them later in life. It makes parenting harder because their opinions don't always match the parents, but if we give them choices while teaching them right and wrong along the way, those kids can stand up for themselves when choices are more difficult as they grow into adults.

Let's see how this clothing thing goes. As long as I keep in mind that I am teaching them how to make right choices, I'll probably hold out. It's just never been this hard before.