What Now?

This is the last week of my kid's 2 week Spring Break.  I'm so tired! I didn't realize how tired I really was until last night.

We've mostly been cleaning the house and relaxing.  The other thing that we are doing is to start crunch time for AWANA.  We are in our last 3 club dates and Becca and Micah aren't done with their books.  I've already said that that we are going to finish, so we have to do our crunching.  They haven't got very much left, but it's not easy to crunch Micah, especially with all the issues that he has had recently because of coming off his meds.  I decided to do something a little different to help him to catch up.  We went to another club.  Tony's dad runs an AWANA club, but it's a 45 minute drive from us so we don't usually go out there.  This week, since we are off for Spring Break so I'm less worried about making sure we are home by bedtime, I decided to take the kids out there.

MS struck.  I was doing fine, working through a long day.  That morning I had to take the kids with me to take my grandmother to her doctor for an appointment and a few other places.  I went out to visit my in-laws and we had an afternoon of study for AWANA.  We went to club and the kids were okay.  Micah got a bit frustrated but I expected that because of the lack of established routine.

At the end of club, while I was about to go and pick up the kids, I started to feel it coming.  It's hard to describe what it feels like when I start to lose control.  I get a little dizzy first then I sit for a while. This is the point when I realize that it would be stupid for me to drive.  I may be okay if I take care of myself at this point, but I don't trust myself enough to drive until I know for sure what is happening to me.  It's hard not to panic at this point, but if I do I just get worse faster.  I relax as much as I can.

Okay, all this is happening and I realize that I can't just go home.  I have nothing prepared for me to stay the night.  The kids are running around like crazy.  What do I do?

I hate asking for help.  I like doing things for myself, especially when it comes to my kids.  Still, I've come to recognize over the last few years that I have to say something and I just can't do some things on my own.  Most of the time I'm fine, but I get to this point where I just have to have someone else take over.  I called Tony.  He was 45 minutes away, not really going to be of much help, but I call him because I just have to.  Of course I also have to talk to people around me.  My sister-in-law, Carrie, is right there so I have to tell her.  She's another supermom, so she just jumps in and organizes what to do to get the kids back to her house.  We have to stay the night, but she has it all under control.  My kids just respond with no problems for the most part.  They know to just fall in line when mom is starting to have problems.  Micah generally responds to Carrie anyway.  She has been consistent with him since birth and he loves her. 

My mother-in-law came to drive us back to the house and get both Carrie's and my car and kids back.  I sat on the couch and just felt my body get weak.  I'm feeling awful.  Micah decided that he was going to go to bed really late and no one was in the position to start the argument with him.  I asked for a time that he would go to bed and we negotiated.  It would be 9:45pm.  Since he normally goes to bed at 8:30, this is pretty late but not enough for anyone to be worried since he didn't have to be anywhere in the morning.

I slept on the couch...well, part of the time.  Micah woke up many times that night.  He has spent the night there before, but he's always been prepared.  To suddenly have to go to a strange bed and not have any of his stuff for bed (he has to have one particular stuffed animal, his blanket he has had since birth, or at least one of his pillow pets) made him never really relax.  On top of all that, he's been agitated all day anyway. 

At one point during the night he actually woke up screaming.  I went in to "the football room" where he was sleeping and tried to calm him down.  I'm not feeling well still.  At this point I realized that the one thing that would help him the most was his weighted blanket.  It calms him.  He just wasn't going to calm down.  He woke up every 30 minutes all night long.  He woke up jerking and unable to relax.  I tried rubbing him down.  I tried laying stuff on him, and nothing worked.  I ended up laying pillows on him and sleeping halfway on the pillows.  This got me through an hour of sleep.  When he woke up from that, I gave up.  It was 3:30am and I couldn't get him to sleep anymore.  I gave him my phone and told him that he could play a game on it for a while if he was quiet.  While he was distracted I went out to sleep on the couch.  I woke up again at 4 because he came in to tell me something.  I gave him the DS.  He went back to the room again and I tried to sleep.  I tried to stay asleep as people left out the door for work.  I heard them all and just didn't move.  They tried staying quiet, but at this point I just hear everything.  It's the mom thing.

I'm not feeling too good today.  I'm just relaxing.  I have a thing to do tonight, but that's the last thing that is on my mind.  I have to get my body functioning.  My left leg is numb.  I'm just glad that it's only numb and I can still walk.  I'm glad that it's my left leg.  Crazy me, I know that if it's my left leg I can still function.  The right one means that I can't press the gas and brake right.  It's one of those things I can get around without.  It's funny what you decide what you can do without.

By the way, don't worry.  I'm not going to be driving tonight.  I will be avoiding driving until I know exactly how everything is going to affect me.  I'm not dumb enough to get behind the wheel without being in complete control.