Frustrated

It's the last few classes before graduation. I am working really hard. I'm in the Capstone class, which is supposed to be the basic overview of everything that I learned in the program at CBU.  I have to analyze everything and they have to judge to see if I achieved my goals and the school's goals for the program. For the first week is asking all the questions that I hate.  I'm asking for a degree in Liberal Studies.  This equals teacher in the program.  I'm not looking to be a teacher. 

This provides a problem for every assignment this week. Well, not every one.  The one where I had to share my transcripts with my instructor didn't require an explanation.  Still, I'm expected to write a resume for the job that I want. 

Which job do I want? 

I've been pondering going into ABA, but the more that I think about it, the less I love it. It's a growing field, I can get a well paying job, and it makes sense from the perspective of someone who is just looking at my personality and the amount of money that I need to make. 

I just don't know if it's really for me.

How have I gone through all this work and still not know what's next?  I need someone to just tell me what I should do so I can do it.

I'm a good mom. I know that job. No, I don't know everything, but I know what I need to and I know how to learn more. I don't need a degree to do that, though.  I also already do it.  No resume needed.

The thing that gets me most excited is thinking about ministering to other parents who are struggling.  Not really in the marriage and family therapist way, but in the teaching way.  I think teaching a parenting class would be interesting, but in more of a mentor type capacity.

Recently I was asked for help from a friend of a friend to help the teachers in their church's children's church to work with a boy in the class with autism. It was a thrilling meeting.  Not because they really needed me, honestly, after meeting everyone there I realized that they had everything that they needed to help this boy out in the people in the room.  I was just able to calm some people down and give others support who had the skills and understanding that were necessary for integrating the child. I loved it. I went home thinking, "if I could do that for a living, I would love it."

Another thing that was related more closely to teaching that appealed to me was a job that I observed in a private school. I know that I did not observe all of it, but I did do an observation in a class that was special needs.  Now, it wasn't the first special needs class that I had observed in.  Actually, I observed special ed classes in a couple of other schools for my other classes. This one was different.  The class was so personal.  The teacher was a friend of mine, and I knew that she was a great mentor, but it was like she was personally involved in each of the student's lives. She was.  She knew all of their parents, knew what was happening with them in everything that they did, and she asked them about it.  This was more than a class, and she was more than a teacher.  She also coordinated the IEPs and works as a counselor for the students and a bunch of other things.  She has many hats, is extremely busy, and I loved watching her.  I thought, "if I could do that, I could teach."

One more thing that gets me kind of excited is early intervention.  I know as a mom of a kid with autism how important it is.  The idea of doing everything that I can to set that child up for success in life would be thrilling.  I'm not incredibly stuck on that one, though.  I like the idea, but I'm more of the one who would work with parents to help them set up their child for success. I'm such an advocate for helping parents learn to believe in their child and be the things that their child needs to succeed.

The other thing that has been in my mind since Tony was leaving his job as Children's Pastor was the idea of going into ministry with him. That one is the most scary because we have been burned so much in the past.  Still, when I started a job search the churches looking for someone to work with the family ministries made me think...and get excited.  I just don't know. I hate relying on a church again.  Relying on God is easy(ish), relying on a church is hard.

So.  All that being said, I don't know what to put down as my objective on my resume.  I don't have a dream job. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I choose I won't do what I need to be doing.  I just want God to shine a big spotlight on my "dream job" and have the angels start singing "ahh!" so I know what it is that I should do.