I am talking to me, too. It's a hard thing to get past. My kids are far from a disappointment. They aren't doing what I thought they would at this point in their lives, but I'm ridiculously proud of them and they are good humans.
The expectation of "living up to your potential" is mildly abusive. I am an intelligent human. My husband is as well. Our kids are all really smart. I mean that in a measured and determined scientifically way, not just a mom bragging about how awesome her kids are way. Not that there's anything wrong with that, kids need parents to believe in them. I just mean that on paper my kids look(ed) great in school. Life happens and the grades didn't always reflect what they are capable of, but that doesn't make them any less intelligent, it just means that school wasn't always their priority. A high IQ doesn't always translate to straight A's. As a matter of fact, it rarely does.
Anyway, I didn't mean to get on the subject of my kids. They are all doing awesome. I am really thinking of myself. As a 42 year old human with a pretty decent IQ and a bunch of skills, you'd think I'd be doing something earth shattering, but I'm a teacher about to start my 5th year. I spent quite a bit of my life raising my kids, but plenty of people out there juggle kids and a job, so there's really no excuse. I was in the top 5% of my high school graduating class, a good swimmer, water polo player, and successful at a bunch of other high school things that look good to colleges. I went to college and dropped out 6 weeks in and came home. I felt like the ultimate disappointment.
It took me 15 years to get my bachelor's after all that. Sure, I had kids and they needed me, but I didn't "live up to my potential." For years when I thought about myself I saw a disappointment. At some point I figured that I'd only be "successful" while being a mom if my kids were exceptional. My potential could not be wasted, my kids had to be the best.
Then I woke up and realized I'd messed with my kid's heads imposing stupid expectations about success that I didn't even really believe in.
Potential is a poor idea when describing people. It turns out, I'm a pretty intelligent person, but intelligence doesn't guarantee success. I'm pretty strong and I have some pretty decent skills, but that's not what will bring success. I work really hard at stuff. I'm also a great student. That's not what will determine whether or not a person is "successful" or "lives up to their potential." The thing is, all of those things are factors that can contribute to how life will turn out for people, but there are a lot more things completely outside of our control that can affect the outcome. Telling kids what is or isn't possible for them is terrible. It's like putting a measuring stick up next to them then flooding the room to a level above their head and telling them to stand and be measured. When it doesn't work they should just try harder because the kid in the dry room was able to stand there just fine. Life happens. It's okay to just float instead of trying to make the first task work. It's okay to go for a swim and bust through the walls if you need to.
We need to stop sending the message to "live up to your potential" and allow humans to just do what they can while living their lives. I bet they some will reach farther than some would think was within their potential and blow our minds.
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