First, let me apologize for this. I'm totally going to vent right now.
I am so tired of people getting on the opinion bandwagon and beating other people with it.
Recently I lurked in a special needs parents discussion board and watched as a woman was attacked for venting about her problems with taking her son with Aspergers and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) to the store. She was so frustrated with her son who is 12. He's huge and he had a meltdown when he observed someone in the 10 items or less lane with 15 items. He yelled and became violent over something that his mom said "was nothing." She was really having a hard time with him and really needed to vent. She went to, in my opinion, the place that should have been safe.
Unfortunately the discussion board was where she was attacked for her final conclusion to her vent: she needed to find someone to babysit her 12 year old every time she went to the store. The problem is that someone who is very vocal in the autism world, Temple Grandin, has been lecturing everywhere that people need to stop sheltering their kids from the world and get them out to experience things so that they are used to it and it becomes normal, like everyone else. She said they all need jobs and functions in the world, and they can't have that without being exposed to the world.
First let me point out that I agree with Ms. Grandin. Yes, children should be exposed to normal behavior in environments that every other child their age are exposed to. They need to be able to go to the supermarket. They have to be able to do these things so that they can function as part of society.
The problem I had was with people attacking this poor woman who was already down. As parents of children with special needs, we should all know better. Most of us have had the ignorant comments
when we have taken our kids out in public. If our kids have a behavior that is socially unacceptable, we've been there. We've been kicked while we are down. We've had to listen to some lady tell us that our kid wouldn't throw himself on the ground if we would just spank him. We've heard someone tell us that we should just make our kid eat something else besides the 3 foods that they are willing to consume. We've all heard something that made us just want the other person to spend an hour in our shoes and watch them break down like we do. We should know better.
This poor woman who was simply venting, not logically working out solutions for her problem, just expressing her frustration in a place where someone should understand, was cruelly attacked. She was made an example of a horrible mother who wasn't doing anything to teach her child. Temple Grandin was quoted as if her words are infallible simply because she has autism. I'm not saying that her opinions are not valid, but she should not be treated this way by the same people who tout the catch phrase "if you've met one person with autism, you've met just one person with autism." Ms Grandin is just one person with autism.
We who have been in this world for a while have seen opinions change. I was one of the "crazy" people who put her kid on the GF/CF diet before it was the popular treatment of the month. It was right up there with the scary chelation (I have no idea how to spell that) treatment that kids died when their parents implemented it incorrectly. People thought it was that bad. Now everyone is trying it.
I'm not saying that Ms. Grandin is wrong. I've been one of the stubborn ones who took her son with texture issues to restaurants so that he knows how to do it. I've taken my kid to church every week knowing that he hates it when the praise team is slightly off...and they were often off. We deal with it because this is a real life that he has to learn to live in. Still, there are times when dealing with it sucks. When my kid picks up a trash can at Soak City and throws it because he doesn't want to leave, it's rough and I'm scared one day he is going to hurt someone. I can't always handle it. I sometimes break down. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I want to hide my kid at home where I can control everything. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes I need to vent these frustrations, too. I recently did that with a friend when I was just tired of being beat up by my son.
My problem is with the people who were beating this woman over the head with the words of Temple Grandin. Yeah, she is going to have to work with her son on things that go wrong in the world, but she was frustrated and needed support, not someone to tell her everything that she was doing wrong and telling her that she was what is wrong with the special needs world. Shut up and listen a minute. The poor woman is by herself in the world with this boy who is growing and learning to deal with the rest of the world. It's hard.
For those of you who don't have any idea what we are dealing with on a daily basis because you don't have a child on the spectrum, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but, we already ignore you most of the time. We've learned to do that because you don't get it but many of you tend to have an opinion anyway. Most of the time I'm thanking God that you don't have to deal with what I do every day, then walking away before I start lecturing you on what autism is and the behavioral interventions that I'm putting into place (mostly because chances are good that I've more systematically implemented strategies for the problem that you are witnessing than you have ever had to with your child, if you even have one).
I just realized as I was typing this that the whole thing is so very similar to problems in the church. How many times do we beat people while they are down? Sure, our point may be directly from scripture and be absolutely right, but nothing about our "correction" of the other believers is said in love and humility. We beat each other up because we are right and they are wrong and we can prove it. Then when people who are not believers give us their opinion about something, we ignore them because they don't understand. They don't know what the Bible says, so they couldn't possibly get it. It's true, we need to check everything that people who are not believers say to us with our standard, the Bible, but sometimes they say things that are worthwhile but we don't listen because we don't really want to take the time to check it and we like the way we do things anyway.
What we all need is a good dose of humility and to bathe our words in love. None of us knows everything. No matter what we have experienced, no matter what we have seen, no matter what we have read, none of us knows everything. Last time I checked, I'm not God. I don't know everything, and honestly, I don't want to know everything. A few more things, maybe, but not everything. That's way too much work. When someone is wrong, don't attack them. When someone is hurt, hurt with them. Isn't there something like that in the Bible? I remember reading something like that in Romans 12....
Friday, June 14, 2013
I know I say this a lot...
...but it's been a while since I last blogged, so I thought I would do a little something here.
An update about school: I'm still going! It's Summer classes for me, and that is rougher than I thought it would be. I'm trying to keep the kid's schedule full like I normally have to in order to keep everyone healthy and happy, all while keeping up with my full-time school schedule.
I'm never doing that again.
I don't know how to keep everything in the air, and I'm certainly not going to have awesome grades (straight A's last semester...while the kids were in school). I will pass the classes, but that's all I'm shooting for at this point. I just want to make it through the summer. If I can do that, I can do anything.
The most frustrating thing at this point in school is that I still have no idea what God wants me to do with my degree once I'm done. I know that I will have to get some sort of job, and that once I'm done I will be trying to substitute teach for a while just so I have money coming in to cover the student loans (at the very least).
Part of my problem is I have logistics in my head. I'm still a mom. I still need to be there for my kids. They are in school, so I'm free then...unless something comes up.
Nothing compares to being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my job. Still, when God told me to go back to school, I figured He had a plan in mind for me for when I finish. He does, I know, but I'm still waiting to find out what it is. In my head I keep going over all of the things that I love, praying and trying to figure it out, but I keep hearing "wait."
That's not the answer I was looking for.
It doesn't help that I keep being given assignments in classes that ask me what my plans are and I feel like I'm submitting the lamest response, "I don't know."
The fact is that my most important job I will ever have is what I'm doing now. I serve God. I'm a great mom. That sounds weird to me to say it, but I know that I do everything that I can for my family, and that's what a great mom does.
My question now is, did God wanting me to go back to school have anything at all to do with me getting a job outside of the home, or did He just want me to do it for a different reason entirely? Is there going to be another opportunity thrown in my lap that I will need a degree for later that may help my family in some way?
I'm so full of questions. I know that part of this is me growing enough to not have to know the answers. I know that it's another thing that I'm just going to have to trust God about. I'm trying not to be frustrated with not knowing what's next. It's not really working. I like plans.
An update about school: I'm still going! It's Summer classes for me, and that is rougher than I thought it would be. I'm trying to keep the kid's schedule full like I normally have to in order to keep everyone healthy and happy, all while keeping up with my full-time school schedule.
I'm never doing that again.
I don't know how to keep everything in the air, and I'm certainly not going to have awesome grades (straight A's last semester...while the kids were in school). I will pass the classes, but that's all I'm shooting for at this point. I just want to make it through the summer. If I can do that, I can do anything.
The most frustrating thing at this point in school is that I still have no idea what God wants me to do with my degree once I'm done. I know that I will have to get some sort of job, and that once I'm done I will be trying to substitute teach for a while just so I have money coming in to cover the student loans (at the very least).
Part of my problem is I have logistics in my head. I'm still a mom. I still need to be there for my kids. They are in school, so I'm free then...unless something comes up.
Nothing compares to being a stay-at-home-mom. I love my job. Still, when God told me to go back to school, I figured He had a plan in mind for me for when I finish. He does, I know, but I'm still waiting to find out what it is. In my head I keep going over all of the things that I love, praying and trying to figure it out, but I keep hearing "wait."
That's not the answer I was looking for.
It doesn't help that I keep being given assignments in classes that ask me what my plans are and I feel like I'm submitting the lamest response, "I don't know."
The fact is that my most important job I will ever have is what I'm doing now. I serve God. I'm a great mom. That sounds weird to me to say it, but I know that I do everything that I can for my family, and that's what a great mom does.
My question now is, did God wanting me to go back to school have anything at all to do with me getting a job outside of the home, or did He just want me to do it for a different reason entirely? Is there going to be another opportunity thrown in my lap that I will need a degree for later that may help my family in some way?
I'm so full of questions. I know that part of this is me growing enough to not have to know the answers. I know that it's another thing that I'm just going to have to trust God about. I'm trying not to be frustrated with not knowing what's next. It's not really working. I like plans.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
What Rhymes With Comet?
Last night I finished 2 finals for my classes this session, working all the way to midnight. Well, technically I turned in the last final project thing at 11:58pm. It was due by midnight. I was rushed like crazy and I really needed a break today to keep my nerves down.
That didn't happen.
So this morning I got up, very excited to go to the girls' school to see Becca get her Student of the Month award. Go Becca! I got a phone call while in the assembly for her award. Ali was sick. She threw up in class.
I'm pretty sure that she's going to get a disgusting nickname after she threw up in class for the second time this year. Puke Queen maybe? I don't know, whatever first graders would call a kid who blows chunks everywhere.
I took her with me to the assembly and she sat there puking while I took pictures of Becca. It's one of those horrible mom things that happens sometimes because I have 4 kids. I figured Ali could be puking anywhere, and she was way in the back away from everyone, so I may as well finish gushing over Becca, who really needs that right now.
Ali and I went home and she wouldn't stop hurling. She laid down and napped (something that she hasn't done since she was about a year old) while I finished some homework that was due. She only woke up to drink a bit of water, then she would immediately throw up. My mommy senses were tingling. I decided that she needed to got to the doctor. I cal to get an appointment and I'm told that there is not a pediatrics appointment today anywhere within 30 miles of my house. They transferred me to the nurse help line. Wait...wait...wait...I'm on hold for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, Ali decided that she needed to get up and get something. She stood up then fell immediately, then she retched again. The nurse on the helpline finally came on and I told her what was going on. She told me to hold while she tried to get Ali in to see a doctor right away.
Cue the elevator music.
Back to the nurse who tells me that there are no appointments available anywhere (I already knew that) and that I should take my daughter in to the emergency room immediately.
I'm all for taking my kid in to the emergency room when necessary. I have a $50 copay that I will gladly pay if there is a real emergency. I recognize that Ali's condition is serious and that she needs to see a doctor today, but she just needed an Urgent Care appointment ($15). Still, I went.
I drove to the ER parking lot and there is no parking places to be found. I went to the next parking lot, nothing again. The small parking structure was full. Next place to go was the parking structure next to Urgent Care. Ali is in the back using her regurgitation receptacle. I found a spot.
There is no way that Ali is going to walk anywhere and, of course, there are no wheelchairs to be found. I carry her. I'm walking toward the ER when I wonder if I should go up to the Urgent Care and ask for her to be seen even though she has no appointment (not how it normally works). I try it. I figure the worst they can do is say no, I should go to the ER. I get up there and my poor baby misses the bucket and upchucks on me.
My day could have been better.
Tony takes off work and goes to get the other girls and Micah. I forget to tell him (because I'm temporarily out of it for some reason) that Micah is getting an award and that he should go straight over to his school after picking up the girls. The bad mom moment of the day was really that one. I did remember to tell him that he had to go straight over from picking up Micah to the dentist for Becca's appointment. He reminds me that he has to be in Alta Loma for an umpire thing about an hour after Becca's appointment. The way that dentist works, there was no way she was going to get finished before he had to leave.
I need an instant clone.
Grandma to the rescue! My mom gets off work about the time Tony needs to leave. I arrange for her to take over and Tony to get out of there. This would have totally worked if Tony had followed the plan, but apparently I didn't explain it clear enough for him to understand with everything else that was happening at once. It probably wasn't his fault.
Meanwhile, Ali and I wait and wait and wait at the Urgent Care for a doctor to have time to see us. We finally get in and she takes one look at Ali and prescribes medicine to stop the barfing. She asks me and Ali if we prefer a shot or a suppository. Ali has no idea what a suppository is, but she knows she hates shots so she begs for the butt medicine. The doctor told her that it wouldn't hurt, it would just be a little jelly on her butt. She was so mad at that doctor! She said, "the doctor said on my butt, not in my butt!"
Yeah. That was fun.
Ali spews again before we leave. Off to the pharmacy for the other medication!
Tony is having fun at the dentist with Becca...and Zoe and Micah are having fun in the waiting room. My mom gets off work and Tony tells her to go to our house where he will bring the kids. Except Becca is still not done. There was a problem there.
Fortunately, Ali and I just had to finish at the pharmacy, then head to the gas station before we ran out of gas, then go get Micah and Zoe, drop them off with my mom, then I was going to go back and wait for Becca. By the time I got home with the kids, Becca was done, Tony was late, and I still had to go pick up Micah's glasses from the optometrist. My mom waited with the girls while I took Micah to pick up his glasses. We got back, my mom left to get back to my grandma, and I sat down for the first time that day without a stressful thing happening.
I started to remember that I hadn't eaten anything except for a bagel and chai latte I decided to get at Starbucks that morning while waiting for the assembly. Even that had been stressful because some lady was screaming at a guy right next to my car while I was inside. She ended up shoving him onto my car. I so did not want to go out into that mess, but I didn't want to be late for the assembly. They ended up leaving before I had to go, but it was still not fun to watch.
So anyway, I'm sitting at home and starting to realize that I am really hungry with good reason. Micah has decided to make himself a pb&j and not wait for me to get up and make dinner. Wise boy because MS is ready to kick in because I'm so tired. Ali wants to know if she can have broth. Becca wants to know when 2 hours is up after her dental procedure so she can eat something. Zoe just wants food.
I start to get up and realize that I just can't. I'm tired and I just can't make it any more without collapsing on the floor. I tell the kids that they get to make their own dinner tonight. This is fine until someone observes that we are out of bread. No sandwiches? What now?
Zoe breaks out the instant oatmeal and declares breakfast for dinner for her. Becca sets an alarm for her teeth then makes herself a can of soup in the microwave. Ali is starting to hold down water! She declares herself to be starving. I ask Becca to warm up some chicken broth for her.
Everyone is fed but me. I finally get Zoe to make me a packet of instant oatmeal. I'm too tired to care that it's the nasty banana flavored junk. I'll probably need some protein too, but this was a start.
Well, I didn't wear a cape today, but the day was not the disaster that it could have been. I want to go to bed, but it's not Micah's bedtime yet. I guess there's still room for more excitement in this day after all.
That didn't happen.
So this morning I got up, very excited to go to the girls' school to see Becca get her Student of the Month award. Go Becca! I got a phone call while in the assembly for her award. Ali was sick. She threw up in class.
I'm pretty sure that she's going to get a disgusting nickname after she threw up in class for the second time this year. Puke Queen maybe? I don't know, whatever first graders would call a kid who blows chunks everywhere.
I took her with me to the assembly and she sat there puking while I took pictures of Becca. It's one of those horrible mom things that happens sometimes because I have 4 kids. I figured Ali could be puking anywhere, and she was way in the back away from everyone, so I may as well finish gushing over Becca, who really needs that right now.
Ali and I went home and she wouldn't stop hurling. She laid down and napped (something that she hasn't done since she was about a year old) while I finished some homework that was due. She only woke up to drink a bit of water, then she would immediately throw up. My mommy senses were tingling. I decided that she needed to got to the doctor. I cal to get an appointment and I'm told that there is not a pediatrics appointment today anywhere within 30 miles of my house. They transferred me to the nurse help line. Wait...wait...wait...I'm on hold for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, Ali decided that she needed to get up and get something. She stood up then fell immediately, then she retched again. The nurse on the helpline finally came on and I told her what was going on. She told me to hold while she tried to get Ali in to see a doctor right away.
Cue the elevator music.
Back to the nurse who tells me that there are no appointments available anywhere (I already knew that) and that I should take my daughter in to the emergency room immediately.
I'm all for taking my kid in to the emergency room when necessary. I have a $50 copay that I will gladly pay if there is a real emergency. I recognize that Ali's condition is serious and that she needs to see a doctor today, but she just needed an Urgent Care appointment ($15). Still, I went.
I drove to the ER parking lot and there is no parking places to be found. I went to the next parking lot, nothing again. The small parking structure was full. Next place to go was the parking structure next to Urgent Care. Ali is in the back using her regurgitation receptacle. I found a spot.
There is no way that Ali is going to walk anywhere and, of course, there are no wheelchairs to be found. I carry her. I'm walking toward the ER when I wonder if I should go up to the Urgent Care and ask for her to be seen even though she has no appointment (not how it normally works). I try it. I figure the worst they can do is say no, I should go to the ER. I get up there and my poor baby misses the bucket and upchucks on me.
My day could have been better.
Tony takes off work and goes to get the other girls and Micah. I forget to tell him (because I'm temporarily out of it for some reason) that Micah is getting an award and that he should go straight over to his school after picking up the girls. The bad mom moment of the day was really that one. I did remember to tell him that he had to go straight over from picking up Micah to the dentist for Becca's appointment. He reminds me that he has to be in Alta Loma for an umpire thing about an hour after Becca's appointment. The way that dentist works, there was no way she was going to get finished before he had to leave.
I need an instant clone.
Grandma to the rescue! My mom gets off work about the time Tony needs to leave. I arrange for her to take over and Tony to get out of there. This would have totally worked if Tony had followed the plan, but apparently I didn't explain it clear enough for him to understand with everything else that was happening at once. It probably wasn't his fault.
Meanwhile, Ali and I wait and wait and wait at the Urgent Care for a doctor to have time to see us. We finally get in and she takes one look at Ali and prescribes medicine to stop the barfing. She asks me and Ali if we prefer a shot or a suppository. Ali has no idea what a suppository is, but she knows she hates shots so she begs for the butt medicine. The doctor told her that it wouldn't hurt, it would just be a little jelly on her butt. She was so mad at that doctor! She said, "the doctor said on my butt, not in my butt!"
Yeah. That was fun.
Ali spews again before we leave. Off to the pharmacy for the other medication!
Tony is having fun at the dentist with Becca...and Zoe and Micah are having fun in the waiting room. My mom gets off work and Tony tells her to go to our house where he will bring the kids. Except Becca is still not done. There was a problem there.
Fortunately, Ali and I just had to finish at the pharmacy, then head to the gas station before we ran out of gas, then go get Micah and Zoe, drop them off with my mom, then I was going to go back and wait for Becca. By the time I got home with the kids, Becca was done, Tony was late, and I still had to go pick up Micah's glasses from the optometrist. My mom waited with the girls while I took Micah to pick up his glasses. We got back, my mom left to get back to my grandma, and I sat down for the first time that day without a stressful thing happening.
I started to remember that I hadn't eaten anything except for a bagel and chai latte I decided to get at Starbucks that morning while waiting for the assembly. Even that had been stressful because some lady was screaming at a guy right next to my car while I was inside. She ended up shoving him onto my car. I so did not want to go out into that mess, but I didn't want to be late for the assembly. They ended up leaving before I had to go, but it was still not fun to watch.
So anyway, I'm sitting at home and starting to realize that I am really hungry with good reason. Micah has decided to make himself a pb&j and not wait for me to get up and make dinner. Wise boy because MS is ready to kick in because I'm so tired. Ali wants to know if she can have broth. Becca wants to know when 2 hours is up after her dental procedure so she can eat something. Zoe just wants food.
I start to get up and realize that I just can't. I'm tired and I just can't make it any more without collapsing on the floor. I tell the kids that they get to make their own dinner tonight. This is fine until someone observes that we are out of bread. No sandwiches? What now?
Zoe breaks out the instant oatmeal and declares breakfast for dinner for her. Becca sets an alarm for her teeth then makes herself a can of soup in the microwave. Ali is starting to hold down water! She declares herself to be starving. I ask Becca to warm up some chicken broth for her.
Everyone is fed but me. I finally get Zoe to make me a packet of instant oatmeal. I'm too tired to care that it's the nasty banana flavored junk. I'll probably need some protein too, but this was a start.
Well, I didn't wear a cape today, but the day was not the disaster that it could have been. I want to go to bed, but it's not Micah's bedtime yet. I guess there's still room for more excitement in this day after all.
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