San Diego was fun. I guess I expected it to be better, though, and it was kinda a let down. Still, my kids had a blast, I just wish that their fun had rubbed off on me more.
I don't really know why I didn't enjoy myself as much as I thought I should have. Part of it was the ever present feeling that I was inconveniencing everyone around me the whole time. My mom and grandma stayed in the hotel room with my kids and Tony and I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law. That was totally my mom's idea. I kept feeling like I should be there for my kids more, though. It was actually a bummer not to be with them. I don't know why, but when Tony and I were with just my brother and his wife, I felt like I was the only one who was trying to have fun. It may have just been the me, and I don't really blame anyone else.
The most fun that I had was on Thursday afternoon. Tony and I took Micah and Becca by ourselves to Sea World while the girls and others napped. Then we went back to the hotel.
Thursday night we went to go see a movie. Probably any other time it wouldn't have bothered me so much, but in the middle of my vacation, we saw a really depressing and sad movie. I was bummed.
Black Friday is usually one of my favorite days, and I didn't get to do any shopping. That bummed me out, too. There really weren't any sales that I could get excited over anyway. Then I saw on the news that morning about the guy who was trampled and killed at Wal-Mart in New York. When you hear news like that, it's hard to complain that you didn't get to go shopping.
Friday my brother and sister-in-law took my mom and grandma home early. My sister-in-law is pregnant, and the trip was long and the beds were not the most comfortable. The kids and Tony and I stayed at Sea World for the holiday shows that started this weekend. That was fun. My kids were kinda tired after the last couple of days, though. They were really tired by the end, and Ali and Zoe could have done without the last show. It was a good show, but two very tired toddlers just don't care what Shamu does with Christmas music playing. I wished that they had fallen asleep. The show was rather good, but we all would have enjoyed it more without the twins screaming through quite a bit of it.
If I had it to do over again, I probably would have insisted on staying with my kids. It would have meant more work for me and less sleep, but I probably would have enjoyed myself more. Not that my brother and his wife aren't fun people to be with or anything, I just love being with my kids.
In the future, I think I would rather spend my holidays at home. I can keep my kids with me, I don't feel like I am inconveniencing everyone the whole time, and when I feel like people around me are getting bored or don't feel good or something, I feel like I am allowed to feel responsible and try to fix that feeling here in my home. I can care for my kids and take care of people at the same time.
I guess my problem this Thanksgiving was that I didn't feel like I could be a mom. I like caring for people. I like caring for my kids. I felt displaced without them. I find myself now feeling thankful that I am with my kids at home again.
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