Thoughts

As I sat down and wrote my paper today on religious liberty in public schools, I acknowledged fully finally that God does not want me to be a school teacher. This revelation has been in my head for a while, but I've always thought of it as a kind of a backup plan, in case God doesn't tell me what I should do next. 

Nope. Not even then.

It's really frustrating to answer the questions about my plans for graduation. The fact is that I don't have any still. I voiced this frustration to some of my amazing friends from church and I was so blessed by their response. One of my friends told me of her journey to get her law degree, but God didn't call her to be a lawyer. Another of my friends told me of someone who she went to school with to get her teaching credential who knew that even though she was getting the credential, she didn't plan to be a teacher. Another story came of a man who went to school to get his degree in applied theology, telling everyone who asked that his plan was to serve God. That's it. No "I'm going into ____ ministry." Just serve God.

Well, I'm apparently not alone in my lack of "real plans."  That's good to know. Still, it's hard to continue to have this attitude of submisson when I know that December is coming up fast and I don't know what's next.

The hardest part of this is the fear. I fear that God is going to tell me to do something that I just don't want to do. Of course, I know in my head that if He leads me in the direction I don't want to go, His plans will work out far better for me than what I have in mind. I'm trying to be open to the unexpected profession that I think would drive me nuts.

I have one profession in particular that I'm especially afraid of. I really don't want to voice it because I have it in my head that if someone who hears me will say "that's what God wants you to do. He told me to tell you."

I know, it's not total surrender unless I let that go too. I really have to let it go, but I don't want to.