November already?

I totally forgot that it is November. I'm so behind in everything. This crazy transition to teenager for my boy including all of the school challenges that are coming with it, changing to working at least some of the time, my grandma and all her issues, Tony starting school, and all of the kid activities are turning me into a real flake. My calendar is so full that I can't keep up. Now the Holidays are coming and I am not ready.

Let me back up a bit.

Micah is having a hard time with becoming a teenager.  I know, who doesn't?  Still, do you remember Junior High? Think about doing it with the social abilities of a 4 year old. I know sometimes it felt like you were limited in your social skills, and believe me, I recognize that every 13 year old is, but not on this scale. It was frustrating dealing with hormones and all the crap that comes with it, but for my boy it is just as frustrating as it was before he could talk.  If you have heard me speak of those dark days, you know that it is getting bad if I can compare it to that.

I have already had to fight the school some because of the problems that he has been having.  They already tried to suspend him once, but their mistakes caused me to push back and he didn't get sent home. IEPs are killing me.  I have to have a solution that doesn't seem to exist.
At this point I am beginning to wonder if all of my hard work with him through the years is going to prove worthless. All the headaches and stress and he may still end up in jail because he can't control himself.

I'm tired of fighting a losing battle.

In the middle of all this I have started the process to become a substitute teacher for the kid's school district. At this point it's just a matter of paperwork being finished on their end. My biggest fear in all of this is that I will succeed and love it but not be able to continue because I will need to be more available for Micah.

My next issue is my grandma. Honestly, my mom is shouldering most of that, but I still have to help her out. My grandma is currently in an assisted living facility for rehab after breaking her leg and having a mild heart attack. This whole incident has caused her to need to move from her current apartment which is difficult for her to get around in to a more appropriate apartment for her needs. I found a place for her, but with her still being in the rehab facility, she hasn't been able to take care of paperwork and all that is necessary for that. Then once that is taken care of, we will be moving her and all her stuff...that will be an adventure.

Tony starting school just means that I have to take on more things alone for a while. He's doing online classes, so he's still there, but he needs time to focus, so there are times when I will just have to handle stuff alone.

Kid activities may be the hard part as far as consuming my time. Cheer, choir, and softball are the current contenders for time, but it will soon be cheer, softball, baseball, and a play, along with any of the runs that Micah wants to do and anything else that the kids may come up with. Band isn't taking up my time yet, but concerts are coming soon, I'm sure.

Let's throw in Thanksgiving and Christmas, because I will have loads of time. I don't even know what these holidays are going to look like yet because I have been distracted. We just recently found out that my grandma will still be in rehab for Thanksgiving, so I will not have her and likely not my mom either to help/worry about. I usually cook with my mom because it's easier to do that with Micah's diet, but that probably won't be an option this year.

Last Christmas I had a horrible time because of school and stuff, so I just gave most people gift cards and slid through the season pretty depressed. We did have a beautiful day and week after alone with just Tony and the kids and I, but everything else felt completely forced. I am beginning to wonder if we shouldn't just hide like that for these holidays so we can regroup a bit. Still, Tony has school, so it won't be the same.

I really need to stop complaining. I'm worn out, but it's pretty easy to find things to be thankful for in all of this. I know that there are people around me who love me, and I just have to call and they will be there to rescue me. It's hard to be the one who always has to be rescued, but it's nice to still have those people who are willing to help even though I have called them way too often.

It's times like this that I wish that the stupid saying of "God won't give you more than you can handle" was true. The problem is that I am living proof that He does. He constantly gives me things that I can't handle so that I will rely on Him. Believe me, I would have given up long ago if He wasn't trustworthy enough to hand it all over to Him. I can't do any of this stuff, really. To juggle it all alone would be stupid. He is far better at handling this stuff than I am.