What Autism Isn't

Autism isn't an excuse to murder your kid.
I complain quite a bit about my struggles, I admit that. I know that I shouldn't. Complaining doesn't fix the problem. Micah is a difficult kid, but he's my kid and I love him. I don't care if I never received a single service for him, he's still my kid and we do what we have to to raise him no matter what is thrown our way.

I get really mad when I hear about parents killing their autistic kids. It's not understandable. I don't care what the circumstances are that make that kid difficult to live with, if you can't handle it you still don't have the right to take that child's life. There is always another way.

I don't mean to sound unfeeling or unsympathetic to the struggle they are facing.  The thing is that I've been in the same struggles.  The lady who threw her autistic kid off a bridge after her husband was diagnosed with MS hit me especially hard. I was mad. This lady is getting all kinds of sympathy and people were saying that they can understand why she did it because autism and MS both are hard. Yes, yes they are. I know. Personally.

Still, that lady needed help. Not money thrown her way, but help from a professional who could address her psychological needs as a person in a difficult situation. Autism and MS are not an excuse for murder. Period. From what I had observed, she had all kinds of warning signs but nobody took her seriously until she threw her 6 year old away. I weep for that boy. I weep for the family. I weep for the people who heard her saying that she was ready to do horrible things to her son but they weren't listening because she was asking for money instead of what she really needed.

Sometimes people don't ask for the things that they are really asking for.

I know I sound judgemental.  Here's the thing, we can't make excuses for people who kill their kids because raising them is hard. It belittles the life of the child. It makes another parent think that murder is an option.

My son is hard to deal with. MS is hard to deal with. My life could be one huge sob story. I have battled with depression, I know what it is to feel hopeless. Still, there is always a way. Maybe it means that you can't care for the kid anymore, so you call CPS or the police or whoever on yourself. That's better than taking the child's life.

I keep pointing out that one case because it has been pointed out to me several times because of the autism and MS connection.  I have MS and a kid with autism, why haven't I cracked yet? Is that what you are asking me when you point this out? The truth is that I have cracked. I have on more than one occasion dropped my kids off with someone else because I couldn't handle them right then. I may be Supermom, but I am not invincible. I get to that point and I call someone. It's amazing how fast people will move heaven and earth when they hear the tone in my voice that says "get me out of here."
See, nobody is perfect. Nobody can handle everything. Sometimes God gives you stuff that you can't handle. It's okay. He can handle it. That's my way out. I'm sad for those who reject that way. I'm sad for the people who think that money will fix all the problems. Believe me, I could win the 300 and whatever millions that the big lotto is up to and still have problems. Probably more than I have now. MS and autism don't go away just because you throw money at them.

Being a mother of a child with autism is hard. I have days when I dread picking up Micah from school. There are a million decisions to be made and you make the wrong ones all the time. You fight for things that you think your kid needs, but once you finally get them they don't always work. If they finally talk they often only want to talk about one subject for hours on end. Every day homework is a battle. Sending them to school is scary because you know that your kid is difficult and you don't know how the teacher/aid/lunch lady/other kids will respond to him and possibly set off the dreaded meltdown. Going anywhere is difficult for you on a scale few other parents understand because you have to take care of dietary needs, toiletry needs far past the time "normal" kids are through with that, sensory needs, scheduling needs, a distraction for when something goes wrong, and a back up plan for exiting when all hell breaks loose, but you need to block every exit so that you don't have an escapee. The bigger you kid gets the harder most of these things are to deal with. Also the bigger they are the more judgment you get from others when you kid doesn't "behave."

Here's the thing: that's only part of the story. I am the kid with a 13 year old who is an expert on gluten and casien and can lecture for hours on the diet that helps him so much. Those little milestones that other parents had in concentrated form over and over in the first few years are spread out for me so I can truly enjoy each one. My son has a special relationship with me, his mom, at 13 and he talks to me more than anyone else in the world. How many moms of 13 year olds wish their kids would talk to them more? I have a boy who inspires me because of his hard work at every sentence that comes out of his mouth. He may not work hard on his homework, but he's tired from telling me about his day. If you had to work as hard as he does to form a sentence, would you waste your time on small talk? I watch my boy blow the minds of people who underestimate him constantly.

I could go on and on about both sides of this. Life is hard. You can still find joy.

I know that this is long, but I have to share because so much of it applies to this.
James 1:2-17

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower.  For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed.In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.