Today I stepped on some one's toes and made them mad. It was online, and that irritated me because I don't really know this person. Anyway. It made more than one person mad at me, and I'll probably get kicked off this message board.
I'll kinda explain the argument (which I left because people were just cussing me out-on a supposedly christian message board):
This person brought up a situation where someone was asked to leave a restaurant when their child, who was autistic, was screaming and disturbed people. The way that she was asked to leave was rude, however, that really wasn't what the argument was about. The people on this thread were upset that people were not more understanding because the child was autistic. My argument was that just because the child has autism, doesn't mean they have more rights than others. The situation should have been calmly handled instead of what did happen, which was the police chief in the small town happened to be at the restaurant, and he yelled at the lady to get her kid out of there from across the room. However, a child who is continuously screaming isn't OK in a public place. Not to mention that the child is obviously uncomfortable with something and should have his/her needs dealt with.
Now, I have been in this kind of situation before at church (well, sort of. No one actually asked me to leave, but remarks were made). There are many times when I have ignored them, knowing that Micah will calm down, and they would get over it. There are also times when I knew that Micah would not calm down, and I had to remove him from the situation. I don't want to disrupt worship, so I have to leave. Do I get up at every little outburst and take him out as I would with the neurotypical child? No. If I did that, he would probably never calm down in church and be able to sit through a sermon (properly equipped with enough crayons and paper) as he can most of the time now. I have found the place in the church where he is the most comfortable and least disturbed. Notice I didn't say least disturbing...we sit near the front most of the time because the back row is usually the noisiest, but we sit in front of the seniors, who happen to be the people who are most focused and able to ignore him for the most part. We have tried sitting in other places, but I have found that everywhere else he is distracted, talks more, and is not capable of calming down if something sets him off. It is annoying to walk out when necessary and see all the people who he has disturbed, but those occasions are less frequent if we sit there.
Anyway, I think that the best thing for everyone involved in these situations is for the parents to train the child how to be calm in a quiet environment. Avoid the quiet restaurants until the child can handle them. Honestly, at this point in our experience, my twins are more disturbing than my son, and that is just an age thing. They are learning what to do in a restaurant by going to these places. Not the places where they could not handle, and usually during the less busy hours if they can handle waiting to eat, but at places with a family atmosphere, where they can learn how to behave without anyone making rude remarks because of their mistakes. There will always be obnoxious people out there, and sometimes making other uncomfortable is not avoidable, but setting your kid up for failure isn't the way to go.
By the way, I took my son out before he was able to really handle it, too. I was choosy about where we went, but I did leave the house. He learned how to deal with places like Wal-Mart, the grocery store, and restaraunts by going there.
So, should this kid be allowed to scream in public? Yes, within reason. Now, there are quite a few unknowns about this situation. First of all, the type of restaurant was undefined, if it was a family restaurant, well, the guy should have taken that into account when he came to the place if he didn't want to be disturbed. Secondly, how long the child was screaming was not defined. If the kid was going on and on for a while, the mom should know when it is time to give up. This isn't a question of everyone else in the room's comfort level, that is really about the kid. It isn't about violating rights, it's about the child's comfort level. Not that everyone else should not be considered, but in my experience (which is limited), if the child is comfortable, they are less disturbing to those around them.
Personally, I am more disturbed by the chief's response to the situation than the parent's, though. Yelling at someone across the room is probably the least effective way of communicating something, and probably the most obnoxious. Apparently he knew prior to the incident that the child had autism, and it seems to me like he was just adding to the tension of the parent. Why not get up and walk over to the parent and ask them to leave? Why not ask if there is anything that he can do to help? Not that I would accept his help unless absolutely necessary as a parent, but still, that would make the point to the parent that he is disturbed without the totally rude way that he handled it.
So, that's just my humble opinion. That's all it is: an opinion. I am not an expert, I just have a limited amount of experience, and I don't know everything. It isn't non-negotiable, either. If you can give me a good reason why I should change my mind, then I just might do that. Name calling and use of profanity does not add to an argument, it proves a lack of intelligence.
2 comments:
So exactly why are these people upset at you? Because everything you said makes perfect sense to me.
They were upset because they thought that the child's rights were violated, and that the child should be allowed to scream anywhere they want. I simply stated that the others in the restaurant had rights as well. It bothers me when people want their kids treated the same way as everyone else, but when they actually get the same treatment, they scream that things are unfair. The fact is that our kids shouldn't be treated like everyone else, only because their needs differ from others. I say this and many moms get upset. These moms were so upset about the kid being thrown out of the place that they didn't consider that the kid probably didn't want to be there in the first place. There is so much selfishness in the special needs group sometimes, but that is really born out of necessity. Our lives tend to revolve around our kids, so it's easy to overlook everyone else. Apparently another opinion that takes into account everyone in the room was unacceptable to them.
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