Stay-At-Home-Momhood

Over the past month or so, I have been pondering the benefits and drawbacks of being a stay-at-home-mom. The facts are that my family just would not function if I had to work outside of the home at a "normal job."

First of all, trying to have someone else watch my twins would be a financial nightmare (not to mention the fact that I hate daycare-I used to work for one, I know what they are like). Micah would have the roughest time, though, unless I could just afford and find a decent nanny who has some sort of experience with special needs, and has more patience than I, and a genuine love for my kids. Since that is just basically impossible for me to find on the salary that I would have on whatever job that I actually qualify for, I'm pretty much stuck here.

Secondly, I realize that my house is not now, nor will it ever in the foreseeable future be neat, but there is always some order in the seemingly endless chaos. I am generally the one who keeps it that way. I don't have great organizational skills, but I do my best. There is help from the other adults in the household, but things like doctor visits, IEPs, therapy sessions, and ballet class probably would not happen if it were not for me. I don't know how I would keep this up working elsewhere as well. I'm just not that organized. If Tony didn't have to work, he might be able to keep up with it, he's a great secretary from what I've heard, though when he is home, he's usually relaxing, but that's because he's worked all day. Don't get me started on when he was out of work, though. I think that's different than being at home on purpose, so I don't really think that counts.

Being a SAHM is hard. It's every job that you can think of without the paycheck, benefits, vacation time, etc. You don't get days off, even if you are sick. You get appreciated every once in a while, but most of the time, you just get complaints.

This may seem like a whine session, but there's draw backs in everything. The reality is that I have been there to see all of my kids first steps. I have heard all of my kids first words. I have recorded special moments on my camera that I have had to explain to others what happened, but I was there to see them. I am there when they fall and get a boo-boo. I kiss them every day. I know what is happening at school with my son, and his teacher knows me. I know my kid's good days and bad days, and in the end, I am the one that they ask for when life gets them down. I am the one that they talk to because they know I am always there to listen. Daddy can be tired when he gets home and need to rest a minute before playing, Grandma may not be in the mood when she gets home, but Mommy is still there. They expect Mommy and I'm there. That's awesome.

When I worked at a daycare, I worked in the infant room as soon as I had the qualifications. I loved it there, but it broke my heart sometimes. There were some kids that were there from the time the center opened at 6am, to closing, 6pm. There was one little boy who was always there the whole 12 hours from the time he was 6 weeks old. Twelve hours! Can you imagine giving up all that time with a baby that small? I was the one who he crawled to first. I was there when he took his first steps. The other teacher and I were the ones that he experienced separation anxiety from, not the mom. He never really wanted to go home. This bothered me. Now, I know that that was an extreme case, and not every parent uses daycare like that, and if you do put your child in daycare, you are not a bad parent, etc. Still, that mom missed everything that happened with her child. She basically took him home, fed him, and put him to bed every night (this parent needed reminders sometimes to bathe her son...there were definate issues). I don't want to miss anything. Life just isn't the same on video.

I'm sure there are other drawbacks on the other side, I just haven't been there, so I don't know. There are definate financial benefits. Stability in finances and the ability to afford more therapies for my son, the fact that there are breaks, and talk with people over 4 feet tall. Conversations where you don't have to answer the question, "why?" eight hundred times. But then, someone else is answering that question, and you don't have any control over the answer that they give.

I've known some fantastic moms who put their kids in someone else's care while they work outside the home, and I have known some great SAHMs. I've also known some moms who probably should have put their kids in daycare so that they could get some attention, and some moms who abused the system and kept their kids in daycare because they didn't want to deal with them. Which way is the best? The way that works for you. If you are a better parent because you have that time at work, you need to be working. If you need to be there for your kids and they need you all the time, then you need to stay home. The best is using the gifts that God gave you to benefit your family. He made you who you are, and he gave you the child(ren) you have, and all you have to do is what works for you. For me, at the moment, I'm a SAHM. I am going to school so that I will eventually be able to do more of the breadwinning (in a more convenient way so that I will still be able to be there for my kids when they need me). I am also in doing so making sure that if anything happens to my husband or his job, we will still be able to pay the bills. Right now, though, staying home (in the figurative sense, I'm rarely actually home) is what works for my family. I content with that.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phillippians 4:11-13